BM acting very weird since i got pregnant.....

Amber - posted on 10/05/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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my stepsons' BM and i have never been friends. we dont talk unless we have to, but im not mean to her or anything. shes always shot me evil looks every time she sees me...until recently...

when we found out we're expecting our first child together, her attitude toward us completely changed. she chats us up about it constantly! shes always asking how im feeling, details on the pregnancy, if we know what it is yet, what doctor im seeing, etc. at first i didnt think anything of it. i just thought she was comparing it with hers or something. but she goes WAAAY too far with it. a couple weeks ago, she told my hubby when i wasnt there that if the baby is a girl, she wants it to "come visit" her. (?!) shes always wanted a girl, but she ended up with 3 boys and it makes her mad to see anyone else with a girl.

shes always trying to push me to get my doctor to give me zofran for hyperemesis even though i dont have much trouble with morning sickness! i havent even thrown up a single time and i just finished my first trimester! this past weekend, she sent my DH home with three little pills in a plastic bag. why he took them, i'll never know! i was gonna flush them, but decided to go online and see if that was actually what they were..i wouldnt put it past her to plant something on us and call the cops!!! i found out that they actually were zofran. why the heck is she pushing this pill on me?! this is a pill that hasnt had sufficient research done. they say that if you're breastfeeding, you cant take it because it passes through the milk to the baby...there are no conclusive studies on the effects on a human fetus, only animals. the reason my doctor didnt give me anything is because im not having trouble with sickness!! they say you should decide which is more important to you, relief from a little nausea or the potential risks to your baby....its definitely not worth it to me! im not even throwing up!!!

i just dont understand what her motives are behind doing all of this. she is a woman that never does anything just to be nice if she doesnt get something out of it in the long run. i've learned this, not only from what my husband tells me about how she was when they were together, but from my personal experience with her over the last year and a half. i'd like to know what everyone thinks about this and any advice on how to handle her would be GREATLY appreciated!!

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Krista - posted on 10/07/2009

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All I can say is that I'm having similar issues with my SD's BM. She is asking to babysit and have "girls" weekends with her daughter (she's 17) and mine (I"m having a girl). It will be a cold day in hell before my daughter spends anytime with that woman. But because of my SD I don't tell her mother exactly how I feel. My advice is to be polite and remember that this is your baby and she really has nothing to do with your child except that she is the mother of your child's sibling!

Traci - posted on 10/06/2009

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My step-sons BM did the same thing except for the pills. She would even tell me husband that I will probably want more kids after our first one together. She is right, but I would never let her know that. I was always polite to her because of my step-sons, but I didn't share a lot of information with her. She did not know I had my son until we came home from the hospital. She is also usually only nice right before she is about to either take my husband to court or start up something. Not a very trustworthy person. Listen to your dr and don't take anything that anyone gives. The health of you and your baby is the most important thing. I hope all works out for you! Good luck!!

Bristol - posted on 10/05/2009

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Wow, that woman needs to learn the meaning of "BOUNDARIES". She may be his baby mama, but this is not her kid, or relationship. I think it's really creepy that she wants you to let your kid hang with her...I would set a nice big healthy boundary with her, just let her know that she is being too pushy and that it's your decision with the pill thing. I would ask her to back off, in the nicest way that can be done. She sounds strange, and if your instincts are telling you to look out for those red flags, trust them!

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I know my daughter's bm was really into my pregnancy and would always ask how I was doing and want to touch my belly (umm no!!!). SHe owuld tell me how "cute" I was when I ws pregnant and try to talk to me about being pregnant and everything she remembered. She even tried to talk to me about breastfeeding (as I was breastfeeding my daughter when she was 2 weeks old) and how she tried really hard, but couldn't do it (which was a lie - my hubby and MIL have told me she had no interest in it whatsoever... but I digress...).



I think it may be due to the fact that she knew she wasn't going to have another baby and she has already lost her existing daughter (she has very little contact and lives over 1600 miles away from us). I think she was trying to relive it all through me and reassure herself of the fact that she did in fact give birth, even though she takes no responsibility for her child now.



My daughter's bm is also one of those people who will not do anything nice unless it benefits her. I really do think it just made her feel so self-righteous. It's the whole "Oh I know what I'm talking about and you don't because I've been there before and you haven't" thing. She thinks she knows everything and wants to make herself feel better by telling herself that you don't know a darn thing, so she needs to help you.



I hope that made some sense! Just ignore her and do what you know is best. I hope you've flushed the pills and make sure your hubby never takes any more from her (because it is illegal to posses pills you do not have a prescription for).

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Sara - posted on 10/07/2009

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I had tried several times to open the communication between my SS's BM and I for 4 years. Then my husband and I decided to have a baby and when she found out I was pregnant the flood gates opened. I was very suspicious and hesitant at first. Sometimes I still am. But the only thing I can think of is that now she's sees that we have something in common, we are both mothers. And like it or not, we are stuck with each other now because our families are blended. It is hard, even now ~ 8 months after my son was born. But do what is best for you and your family and you will be fine!

Jessica - posted on 10/06/2009

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Quoting Holly:

I know my daughter's bm was really into my pregnancy and would always ask how I was doing and want to touch my belly (umm no!!!). SHe owuld tell me how "cute" I was when I ws pregnant and try to talk to me about being pregnant and everything she remembered. She even tried to talk to me about breastfeeding (as I was breastfeeding my daughter when she was 2 weeks old) and how she tried really hard, but couldn't do it (which was a lie - my hubby and MIL have told me she had no interest in it whatsoever... but I digress...).

I think it may be due to the fact that she knew she wasn't going to have another baby and she has already lost her existing daughter (she has very little contact and lives over 1600 miles away from us). I think she was trying to relive it all through me and reassure herself of the fact that she did in fact give birth, even though she takes no responsibility for her child now.

My daughter's bm is also one of those people who will not do anything nice unless it benefits her. I really do think it just made her feel so self-righteous. It's the whole "Oh I know what I'm talking about and you don't because I've been there before and you haven't" thing. She thinks she knows everything and wants to make herself feel better by telling herself that you don't know a darn thing, so she needs to help you.

I hope that made some sense! Just ignore her and do what you know is best. I hope you've flushed the pills and make sure your hubby never takes any more from her (because it is illegal to posses pills you do not have a prescription for).


Haha!  Are you sure that my SD's BM isn't the same woman as yours Holly?!?!?!  Lol!  I have never been pregnant, but we are planning on having a boatload of kids, and I would bet money that she would act the same way.  Many of our stories are very similar, and most of the time, have to do her getting attention and looking like a knowledgable mother.  She also likes to pretend that since she actually gave birth to my SD, she must know more, and it is her job to "educate" me.  She didn't breast feed either (she was a stripper at the time, and I think she was worried about sagging, and also had no interest) and tried to convince everyone that my SD was lactose-intolerant, even changing her completely over to soy.  Funny how my SD was with my hubby three weeks out of four, and seemed to tolerate milk just fine :)



Good luck with the pregnancy Amber!  Limit the info that you give the BM, and maybe she'll start to take the hint....

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