Megan - posted on 08/29/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )
I have two SS, one 15 and one 10. I have been in their lives for 9 years. Their dad and I have been married for about 4 years. We have joint custody with an EOW schedule, Monday night dinner night and half summer and holidays, etc. I would say we have a very good relationship in general. We tend to be close and they seem to be well adjusted.
A problem has arisen that is really upsetting to me. Basically, I have mentioned in other posts that my 10 year old SS is a really picky eater. One of those kids who survives on chicken nuggets and grilled cheese alone. So, when he turned 9 in Jan. 2008 we talked about how once he turned 10 I would no longer fix special food and he had an entire year to find some things that he liked to eat. It kind of worked. By the end of the year he discovered that he liked grilled chicken breasts, but had not made any decisions on fruits or vegetables.
So, Jan. 2009, he turns 10 and it begins. I start fixing him a plate of what the group is eating. He tried things for about 2 weeks. Still no veggies but he actually ate a bite of ground beef and tried chicken alfredo. Of course, he liked neither of these things. Since that time, he has been regressing. Won't try anything.
So, last weekend we were up at the lake staying with my mom and fixed a big breakfast on Sunday. Scrambled eggs, bacon, french toast, fruit salad, etc. So, we're all eating but B. I know he likes scrambled eggs, one reason I cooked them. So, why isn't he eating? Eggs are cold. Heat them up. Serve them again. No eating. Just sitting. Why aren't you eating? Eyes glaze over just sit there.
So, Dad talks to B. Dad asks B what the problem is? B says nothing wrong with the food, something happens that he just shuts down. Doesn't want to eat. Can't make himself take a bite.
Okay......Later. Out to dinner, know B is starving because he's hardly eaten all weekend. Order cheese pizza, which he likes. He hardly takes a bite. Why? Can't say. Same thing. Blank stare, not eating.
Cut to......Monday night, dinner night. Stop at Wendys to get B something because the rest of us are cooking dinner in the dutch ovens at Boy Scouts. 5 piece nuggets. B eats only 2. Why? Older brother wants us to go drive by a car that is for sale. B is dragging to bug his older brother. I say something to the affect of "Finish them if you are going to because we've got to go soon." No yelling, no mean tone, just saying. Then it happens, the big shut down. So, then I kind of have an epiphany. It's me. It is the sound of my voice it is me that makes him shut down and not eat. I say something to that affect "Oh my gosh. It's me who is causing this." B does not disagree. So, B and I didn't really talk for the rest of the night.
Anyhow...the next time we have the boys is the weekend of Sept. 11 and I'm really at a loss. I kind of just want to let dad handle dinner, and go work out or something, but I know that won't go well. And, I dont know if I want to back off our family dinners. Do I just cook him nuggets and not say a word to him or do I cook him what we are eating and not say a word, knowing he won't eat anything. I really don't know, but its kind of breaking my heart that he seems to have a problem with me now after years of not having one. The tension around meal time is getting palpable where even I don't feel like sitting down with the family.
And, no, getting him to help shop or pick ingredients or cook dinner with me will not help. I have tried it all. And, it is not something that I can discuss with his mother. At his moms they get the fast food of their choice every night and this will not change. Ever.
I'm kind of at a point where I feel like, okay if I'm the problem then I just will really back off. Won't lead your cub scout den meetings, won't help with spelling words, won't tuck you in, won't play games with you or read you books. But, I don't want to be petty, but still.