*Court Stories* What happened when you went to court for custody?

Larissa - posted on 03/03/2012 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I recently posted about my latest court room drama. What happened when you and your DH went to court to modify custody, or defend it?

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Rachel - posted on 03/16/2012

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We got the kids!!! We have them in school and a routine at home. Hubby is going to make it hard for her to get them back. I don't want them having to switch schools again...if they go back to her. And I can't believe she got 2 of her kids back. that makes me a little worried that CPS would agree to that. 1 of her kids is still detained by CPS. I just want us to be a healthy family! Glad we have the kids for now though!!!

Larissa - posted on 04/14/2012

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I really feel their pain, but at least you guys have them right now. I don't think her lawyer's method is going to work. It's his job to try anything he can to help his client. Look at the Casey Anthony trial... come on, she was flat out guilty and her lawyer played every angle possible. Just trust in God that things will be taken care of! :)

Larissa - posted on 03/15/2012

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That is really sad. Did the BM actually think her daughter would want to go live somewhere where she doesn't know anyone when she could stay where she's at? Heck, that's part of the reason I don't change careers and move away, and I'm 25! If the relationship between your DH and the BM is ok, I'd ask him to talk to her and tell her how she is negatively affecting their daughter. she sounds like she's trying to start your SD on a guilt trip, and that is just childish!

Rachel - posted on 03/10/2012

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yea, my husband is going to ask the court where the other kids are going so they can see their brothers and sister. But if they go to their maternal grandmother, then we have to get restraining orders so BM doesn't go there and try to snatch them. we're going to get orders anyway so she wont' try to take them from school. I just want them to live calm lives. She makes their lives too hectic, they are only children.

[deleted account]

Read my post below.. Each time we've gone to court all BM's gotten is a little slap on the wrist for alienating SD. How is that in her best interest? Isn't that emotional abuse?

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Rachel - posted on 04/14/2012

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Argg, I'm so mad! Husband went to mediation to see what her visit schedule was going to be and they agreed on every other Saturday for 4 hours and 1 hour on Wednesday she doesn't get a visit; all supervised and she has to pay. She's unemployed so I guess her new husband is paying for all of this (lawyers etc). then he goes into court 2 days later and her lawyer is trying to throw the whole case out! He wants to put every single person involved in the case on the stand, including the children. THey seem to think it's a conspiricy. They have already been through numerous interviews and the only one changing the story is the daughter they returned to her (we knew she would influence her to change it from forcing the son to sleep in a tent to "oh, he was camping) So since they have to do all this investigating, every single Saturday for 2 hours they see mom, well Mom has told us to tell her when the kids needed their clothes. Step daughter said when she asked for them, her mom said that kids are not supposed to send messages from us. WHAT? No one told us that?? And the kids need their clothes! This is so stupid. The new report calls BM narccistic and blames everyone for what she does. We've been saying this for years!! Dragging this out just makes her look bad, she won't even admit she did anything wrong. I just want the court to give my husband the custody and set up visits already so we can stop wasting our time in court and get the kids in a better routine. argg. I'm waiting for her to turn this against us for some reason, they just need their clothes!!!

Larissa - posted on 03/16/2012

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That's great news! What is CPS thinking? I just dont understand how courts or cps think all the mom has to do is fix her act up! If she has her kids taken away and the kids are thriving at dads house, LEAVE THEM THERE!!! Or at least have the mom prove she's better over a few years, but then it would probably be so long, you shouls STILL leave the kids with their father! Fathers can raise the children just as well as mothers. Sorry, if you messed up enough to have CPS involved, thats your fault! I dont put myself into situations that could get me in trouble like that because I dont want my son anywhere but with me. I base my decisions on whats best for him, and if other moms cant do that, let the kids have a chance at dads!

Elizabeth - posted on 03/13/2012

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We haven't had to go to court but not sure what is going to happen once SD tells her BM that she wants to stay with us for her high school years. Not sure if anyone knows my story but to make a long story shorter, BM and my husband let my SD make the choice when she turned 12 who she wanted to live with. Both BM and my husband had been stationed in Hawaii and we were going to retire to Virginia, BM took orders to Texas. So either way SD was moving so she choose to come and live with us in VA. (I should also mention that BM could have taken orders here but choose not and made her daughter choose) They also told her she could choose for high school to either stay here and go back to her Mom's. SD just recently made up her mind and decided to stay her because she has a life here and in her own words does not want to start over. The sad part of this story is that when she told her Mom that she was thinking about staying here(couple of months back) her Mom hung up on her. What parent in their right mind hangs up on their 13 year old.....she later told SD when SD asked her why she did this that she didn't know what to say....I am flabbergasted at this. But wait, she also told SD that she would not move to VA even for her. Yet again...way to make your daughter feel loved. I found this all out when SD told me she was going to stay, she broke down and told me all this while crying. SD admits that she is scared to tell her Mom cuz she knows that her Mom will be mad at her and she is afraid of losing her Mom. How sad is all this....

Lesley - posted on 03/13/2012

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ladies, i am a stepmom to 3 girls. my oldest sd we have custody of until she is an adult. (long story) the bio mom was welling to give her to us which she didnt have a choice. now the middle girl her mom is a crazy person. i thought she was a good person until Christmas of last year she was in jail for stealing, drugs and warrants. i lost all respect for her. then not even two weeks ago the bio mom goes back to jail for stealing. i just dont understand. we are trying to figure out what to do with my sd. we have no more room in our home to place her with us right now. the bio mom goes to court on the 19th of this month so i am hoping that the judge places her with us so we dont have to spend the money needed to pay an attorney and court if not then we are going to try something.

Larissa - posted on 03/10/2012

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I have the same problem, she gives them adult problems and they are only kids. No matter how you explain things to them, they process things differently.

Larissa - posted on 03/10/2012

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I feel bad for the kids, that they have to go through this, and now they will have to be split up from their siblings (because I believe you said she has kids from someone else?). BUT at least you guys are in a really good postition to get the kids!

Rachel - posted on 03/10/2012

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@Larissa, the last judge from the case last month said if she pulled one more thing, he would change custody. I wish he would have just done it, we've been going through this for 6 years. She has done so much crap to those kids and to my husband it's insane.

Rachel - posted on 03/10/2012

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Hubby is mad that they just didn't give him his kids, but I guess a judge has to make a decision because BM has accused my husband of abuse before, even though it's always shown that nothing ever happened and the judges say he's never been a threat to the children. They just want to be sure she won't pull anything, which she will anyway. I guess its just the process. I think the days of the courts believing her lies are over. She is still telling CPS that her kids don't see their dad and she has no idea where he is. HELLO! every time she serves us with papers, he responds with our address on the paperwork and we just went to court last month. CPS was shocked how much she was lying to them.

Larissa - posted on 03/10/2012

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Yeah, if CPS took them, I think there should be no problem with you guys getting them. This is why judges needed to stop assuming mother is always best. If that judge would have listened and given them to you guys they wouldn't have to be going through this! Everytime a judge leaves the kids with the mom and something like this happens it should go on their record and they should only be allowed so many times before they cant do family court anymore. I mean come on, the judge made this decision and he doesnt even care that the kids are with CPS because of the amount of cases they see, they are calloused to it now.

Rachel - posted on 03/09/2012

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UPdate: Now we find out that all the children were taken by CPS after they read the court paperwork and psychologist paperwork my husband gave them saying BM was mentally abusive. We go to court on Tuesday. The funny part? BM wrote us an email saying we couldn't get the kids this weekend because of a "family emergency" but she'll have her attorney draw up papers so we can pick them up from school next weekend. This was AFTER the kids were taken; the family emergency being CPS took the kids! I'm glad CPS called my husband and gave him the heads up. She really is in la-la land.

Larissa - posted on 03/09/2012

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Yeah it's sad the damage these BMs are doing. That is so selfish of them to use their children to their own personal gain. We know our step kids love us, so they aren't hurting us, they are hurting the kids. I wish judges would realize what a real thing this is, and that its happening a lot! But if you don't have it on paper, in front of a non biased witness, or recorded, then you have no case. Thats just crap!

[deleted account]

Larissa-I have to say again.. why are our BMs so similar? BM told SD we need to earn her love and that she shouldn't tell us she loves us. She tells her sister all the time and me sometimes if I say it first but her dad.. almost never. BM's told her her twin cousin (cousin born on the same day, same year) that when she comes to see us she shouldn't play with her because her cousin's a brat and crybaby. Okay.. the only time BM's ever met my niece is when the girls were 1 month old and then 18 months old. I asked SD 'Do you think your cousin is a spoiled brat and crybaby?' And she goes 'sometimes.' So I say 'Well I think we all can be spoiled brats sometimes. Right? Even you're spoiled?' And she knows I'm right. BM tries to lie about me too but I just tell SD 'I've never even met your mom. She doesn't know me and I don't know her so I don't understand why she'd say that. Do you think it's true?' After sayings this a couple times I believe SD knows how her mom is. Still a headache to refute when we already don't see her enough!

Larissa - posted on 03/08/2012

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Yeah, that's horrible. The courts are supposed to look at which parent wants the child to have healthy relationships as well as all the other things the say they look for. No parent should be allowed to continually feed lies into their child's mind. With my story, BM tells SDs not to tell daddy they love him, tells them I am the devil, tells them to lie to us/for her. The weekend after we went to court we had the girls for our visitation weekend. One of our witnesses was DHs 15 year old sister who testified that BM had bought her cigarettes and offered her alcohol, and mentioned that the girls wore dirty clothing while at their mothers house.... well BM told SDs that their aunt said they wore dirty clothes and some other things that were said in court. Why would you say that to two kids who LOVE their aunt! How does that help them at all? All that did was hurt their feelings! Since they are so used to mommy lying, we asked them if they believe mommy, and they said no, so thats good. I chose not to correct them. Sorry if that's bad parenting, but at 6 or 7 I didnt think they needed to know that, especially because DHs sister wasnt being mean to them, she was being honest about BMs parenting. They arent old enough to understand that, so they shouldn't have to know it at all. Ugh... I could go on and on!

Larissa - posted on 03/08/2012

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I don't understand why the courts listen to mothers more than fathers. I thought everyone was innocent until PROVEN guilty! Mothers can say whatever they want about the dads, but whatever the dads say is just nonsense? NOT RIGHT! I hope things work out for you guys and you can have the kids!

Rachel - posted on 03/08/2012

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Nothing happened because they believe the ex's lies. But this time, the judge saw through her. but we still didn't get custody. Now we find out that one of her other children (she has 5 by 4 different men) was taken by CPS. She told CPS that my husband didn't have contact with her kids (he's had visitation for 6 years!) and she didn't have our phone number (she calls every weekend they are with us) and someone from where she used to live (she tried to outrun CPS) told us what was going on. She was abusing one kid and now we go to court later this month. Hopefully my husband can get custody. I heard CPS takes things more seriously than family law court. My hubby has been telling the court for years she was emotionally abusing the children, now finally someone else sees it. IT's been a crazy week.

Larissa - posted on 03/04/2012

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Yeah, I always joke to my husband that I messed up by getting married, if I didn't marry him, the state would pay for everything! But since I'm married I get nothing... Shoulda just popped out a couple of kids and stayed at my moms house... life would be so easy! Too bad I LIKE working for my money... and I want to teach my SDs that too!

[deleted account]

Oh and trust and believe if the BMs (yours and mine) did go to school they'd be getting that for free too through financial aide/low income. But if I want to add onto my degree I'd have to get a student loan and incur thousands of dollars in debt!! Sorry.. I'm off my rant now.. lol..

[deleted account]

Oh trust me.. I understand the frustration. Both my husband and I work. The only debt we have is our house and one of our two cars. We budget to be able to pay our attorney's fees to fight for SD. Must be nice to live off the state, work maybe 5 hours 5-6 days a week, live at home with your parents, have a live in babysitter. Why improve your quality of life when everything is handed to you on a silver platter??

Larissa - posted on 03/03/2012

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I understand people have hardships. I don't think your kid should be taken away just because you have to live with your parents for awhile... BUT if you are not trying to get out of that situation, then maybe the child should be in your home, with 2 parents that love her, and she can see what a normal family is. I think it would improve her quality of life. Just my opinion. That BM should be going to college or doing SOMETHING to get out of there. I don't know, maybe the home is ok, I just know in my situation, BM married a freshly turned 21 year old who she only knew for 4 months before she married him, and those four months the kids lived with us (so she didn't know how he would be with them) and neither were working, and they were living with her parents. Now she works at McDonalds part time, and he jumps from factory to factory and they still live with her step dad (parents getting divorced, her mom moved out) and now BMs step dad is going to lose the house and she does nothing to try to help out with money, She spents her paycheck as fast as she gets it... sorry... venting a little, got carried away haha.

[deleted account]

Grow up? LOL! Her life revolves around SD. She hates the fact that she has to 'share' her with us for the very small amount she has to.



The funny thing is BM works at a grocery story at supposedly 30 hours a week max. She lives at home with her parents and gets assistance from the state. Where her money to fight us is coming from... is only speculation...

Larissa - posted on 03/03/2012

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Wow! Sorry you have to go through all of that! And you guys are just trying to get more time, you aren't even trying to get full custody! In my situation, we are trying for full custody, with BM getting every other weekend, and she's not even fighting as hard as your SDs BM. If we get custody, I am willing to bet she won't even try to appeal it. She doesn't have the money, or the will power. I hope your SDs BM can grow up some day and chill out!

[deleted account]

I could write a novel!! It's been ongoing for 4 years now. BM fights us at every turn. First we got parenting time and joint legal custody then BM tried to get it taken away 2 different times within a year. Before we went to court again she 'gave' it back to us. Then because of the wording of our court order we had to take her back to court because she refused to let us bring SD to our home (we live 8 hours away). Then hubby deployed and she refused visitation for me and our family. We brought her to court and the judge agreed it was best that his family see SD while her dad was gone on his year long tour. Most recently we got a modification to have a more strict order to clarify exact holidays and exact times for exchanges so we could have more parenting time. On which we pretty much 'won' that battle as well. It has been a long-but we know never-ending battle. BM's crazy and I think the more we go before the judge the more he realizes our requests to her are NOT unreasonable and really are in SD's best interests.

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