court system is messed

Marilyn - posted on 03/18/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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We went to court yesterday - there was only a small change - joint custody remained the same with all of the same orders - except - my husband can now pick up his son during lunch time if he wants to take him to lunch when he is in the city (the BioMom previously would not allow it) and the BioMom is to provide all medical information as requested immediately (she hasn't been doing this). Despite the fact that her other son was apprehended by the Children's Aid Society due to her violence (she put soap on the outside of her hand and shoved her fist into his mouth - just one example) tand all of the evidence against her, the judge had made up his mind that my husband could not have sole custody and joint custody remains the same???? I don't get it.

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Memori - posted on 03/25/2009

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Jamie you seem to know quite a lot - tell me what is the best course of action if your kids are 13 & 14 (almost 2 years ago they were allowed to move to their dads not based on any of the evidence he was tiring to pull but simply because the boys wanted to stay there.)  I know the problems that are there I can see them yet really they are clothed, food over their head and food in the belly.  I also know they want to be with  me (the kids) but they want to stay at their fathers because they are allowed to run the streets and stay at friends houses for days on end as well as go to many places I will not let them - the structure is totally different from their fathers house and mine.  In our last court appearance I was not allowed to talk about the laws their father is breaking (several dui's no license and other accounts - his girlfriend the same arrest warrants and other problems) I was also advised by my attorney that the more I throw a fit the more that I look like a ranting loon-a- tick and not a concerned mother!  Above all I also won’t want ot turn my kids away from me by making their father look like satin!  Help!!

Heather - posted on 03/22/2009

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its because hes a man.. i swear.. its awful.. i just dont get the court system..

Jamie - posted on 03/22/2009

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Quoting Colleen:

Yes Jamie but it took over 2 yrs ....... we had custody but as she was 16 she wanted her freedom to see her MOM when she wanted not forced to court arrangements, when she was 1yrs old.



But it worked, I never said it was easy or that it would happen quickly. But it worked. I know where I work we can get a custody evaluation done in 6 weeks. You have to know what the situation is and what roads to take. Like I stated before, most people are lost in the court system and dont know where to go to get what they want.  I couldnt tell you how many of my friends Ive helped and they have see quick results. Heck ones ex is sitting in jail right now. And Ive also got my daughters dad to where he can only see her 30 days a years and he has to get my permission to exersice it. It took me about 6 months to get it done, mainly because I had to do it on my own and do my own research, I cant afford an attorney. So if you want something go after it til you get it.

Colleen - posted on 03/21/2009

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Yes Jamie but it took over 2 yrs ....... we had custody but as she was 16 she wanted her freedom to see her MOM when she wanted not forced to court arrangements, when she was 1yrs old.

Jamie - posted on 03/21/2009

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Quoting Colleen:

We were advised to keep a diary,the child as well as us with issues conversations incidences feelings, we also had to see a frorensic physcologist (child services) who investigated our case. The process is not easy but long ...... and you need specific incedences recorded get mean if you have to.



I work for forensic psychologists, Im an assistant to two well known Drs in Arizona, and yes the process can be long and hard but it depends on what you see them for. BUt if your looking for a certain result they can usually help wit thier reports and keeping track of things., They tend to have more pull then you would in court. I hope everything worked out for you.

Colleen - posted on 03/21/2009

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We were advised to keep a diary,the child as well as us with issues conversations incidences feelings, we also had to see a frorensic physcologist (child services) who investigated our case. The process is not easy but long ...... and you need specific incedences recorded get mean if you have to.

Taliah - posted on 03/20/2009

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dont get me started... lol drugs...... yea my ss bm got busted and skot got taken into custody but brian couldnt get him because bm mother is a cop and they fudged shit! oh yes dont tell me they didnt because they so did!
its not neccessarily the courts fault but the fact that its so impossible to understand some of the stupid court jargan and how much attorneys cost.... sucks!!!

cse is even more ridiculas! i filled out all the paper work right, they called us and told it was wrong and changed it! we tried to argue it but 3 different people told us the same shit... then when we showed it to our now attorney, she told us WE WERE IN FACT RIGHT and cse (child support enforcement)was wrong! so now its even more of a pain in the ass!

i hate the court system and i hate bms who are childish and selfish! get over yourselves!

Jamie - posted on 03/20/2009

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Quoting Luisa:



Unfortunatley the courts have become weak and lazy.  I have two sk's and they are failing school and missing a lot of school- the mom doesn't make them go and doesn't think failing school  is that bad - this is a woman who did not graduate high school herself- so you can imagine our concern for their schooling - but overall the courts don't really care, they basically say if the children are in immediate danger whether a bad drug addiction, etc, then we could have full custody, our case is not valid due to the lack of immediate danger.  So yeah, the courts have issues.






They are not weak and lazy, there are just to many cases and not enough judges. A judge doesnt have time to hear everything from everyone, and cant just go off he said she said. I suggest you get a custody evaluation ordered, then it goes from he said she said to what a professional says. they can really work wonders.

Luisa - posted on 03/18/2009

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Unfortunatley the courts have become weak and lazy.  I have two sk's and they are failing school and missing a lot of school- the mom doesn't make them go and doesn't think failing school  is that bad - this is a woman who did not graduate high school herself- so you can imagine our concern for their schooling - but overall the courts don't really care, they basically say if the children are in immediate danger whether a bad drug addiction, etc, then we could have full custody, our case is not valid due to the lack of immediate danger.  So yeah, the courts have issues.

Teresa - posted on 03/18/2009

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Judges are not willing to change the status quo. Too much trouble I suppose, but they must be dumber than a box of rocks to not notice some of the things BMs can pull!

Jamie - posted on 03/18/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

I agree with you, the court system is horrible. Many judges still think that the child should be with their bio mom no matter what. You know it's sad when the only thing that gets the courts attention is hard drugs left out around the house, and bruises or claims of abuse from the child. Just keep trying, and I'm sure she'll do something to screw it up again!



The court system works great if you know how to use it and are persisstent.  Sadly most people dont which is why they feel they get cheated. I work with psycologist who work within the court system so I see both sides of the playing field. I have also been at the table trying to get sole custody of my daughter as well as get my ex to pay his support. This was before I worked where I work now. And I was lost and confused as well. Now that I know what the system expects or requires to get certain things done I am fianlly seeing things turn around in my case. It is unforunate that not all people have the resources I do.

Jamie - posted on 03/18/2009

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If you want sole custody get a custody evaluation ordered. I work with doctors who do this, if there is good reason to grant sole custody they will figure it out.  They can get expensive though so be prepared for that. Most judges wont just order sole custody without a full evaluation.

Melissa - posted on 03/18/2009

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I understand too. My husband and I found out he had a child with someone after we had been married for two years. Yes my stepdaughter was born two years before we got married, it was the department of children services that got a dna test done because they had taken custody of her when she was 3 because of claims of drug use and prostitution. So we went to court and thankfully they gave us custody and her visitation. What makes me mad the most is all but having her 2 weeks in the summer she basically has joint custody even though thte court papers say we have sole custody. We were also told that if we suspected she was back on drugs while she was having her visitation we could make her take a drug test, but, if she failed it we were told to just work it out between ourselves! That is the biggist load of crap, BTW she is doing them again and our hands are tied anybody can stay off drugs for a week and pass a test and who the heck has $5,000 for a lawyer to go back to court, and even if we did  it would just look like my husband is just tring to be a butthole. The court system in Georgia is sooo messed up. We are just hoping she'll screw up on her own with that stuff and we won't have to do anything but bring up an arrest report to prove it. If things get bad you do need to step in but I still can't understan why they didn't take both kids?! Is one more important than the other?! That is messed up too!!

Jessica - posted on 03/18/2009

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I agree with you, the court system is horrible. Many judges still think that the child should be with their bio mom no matter what. You know it's sad when the only thing that gets the courts attention is hard drugs left out around the house, and bruises or claims of abuse from the child. Just keep trying, and I'm sure she'll do something to screw it up again!

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