Custodial Parents think the same

Kyleigh - posted on 06/04/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )

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iwas reading on this website about parenting and step parenting, it stated that 77% of all custody cases the "custodial," parent only wants the children because its "another income," and it hurts the opposite ex spouse. Its not because that person has their best interests at heart. It states all the things the courts are looking for in a custodial parent.

I find this really odd! There is no "discussion," to that site so I couldnt post my opinion. Thought I d share. Do you know anyone that just has the children because they want to "hurt the other parent," or is it "child support," making the other parent Pay for the child whether it is spent on the child or not. Know a lot of people that don't spend any money on the children and by other things of non importance. CS is to go for utilities, gas , food, mortgage, rent. etc...you need that to support the child. My dh doesnt charge BM for CS at all . His personal opinion a man shouldnt charge a woman he should be able to provide.

its getting better the relationship between BM and my dh! He was at first hesistant but now its definitly improving. It makes my 2 SK's happy! Thats what counts...

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Megan - posted on 06/04/2011

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That sounds like a study being done before parents are officially divorced or filing for custody to me.

Kimi - posted on 06/04/2011

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When you're on the fighting to have more time with the child and struggling to pay child support end it can feel like this is true at times. I think for the most part custodial parents just want to live their lives and be left alone so they can raise the children. Soon as we left BM alone she started to share more, it's easier on her if she can plan our visits around her life and it makes the transfers easy on SD because she knows she's not being forcefully pulled to one side or the other. People just need to chill out. I wish I could have given myself this advise 2 years ago.

Hollie - posted on 06/04/2011

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I just know some ppl who do that just have the children because of control, like i said trust me my dh is one of them! not all people though. some are neglectful and abusive and can be non cust or custodial it can happen......

Kyleigh - posted on 06/04/2011

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I THOUGHT it sounded pretty high myself, but regardless i could care less i know we have my 2 sk's living with us because BM isnt at that place to really take care of them. Plus gives my 1 bio a chance to play

Hollie - posted on 06/04/2011

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My dh is a control freak like me I dont doubt any of this , thank you for sharing, My dh gets really irritated of our BM of my two girlSK's see's them, he flips out phone calls and everything. doesnt want to deal with her or her childish ways!

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Sarah - posted on 06/08/2011

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My dad was like that, He fought for custody just becasue he knew it was the only thing that would really hurt my mom and for the money. he put his act on in court and won. He wouldn't pay for ANYTHING. If we needed lunch money he'd say get it from your mom. It was horrible.

My husband would LOVE to have custody of his children but unfourntaly rhe oldes isn't biologically his (tells you what kind of person she is) So he has no right over her. She lets us see her as long as we leep paying child support for her and 1/2 of all other things He tried to adopt her but NO WAY she'd loose her leverage then. I know money isn't the SOLE reason she kept them but its a good chunk. Paying child support is a huge struggle. it so sad when people do that I couldn't imagine. I still think 77% is way high most people want their kids because they LOVE them.

Beth - posted on 06/07/2011

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I can tell you from our experience that my husband went after custody because he did not feel that BM was providing him the educational help (he is special needs) and the structure and consistency that he needs. She was inconsistent with her vistiation, usualy put a man before her child (although she would never admit that). In my husband's case, he fought for custody because he truly felt that we could provide a better quality of life for him and we were willing to do whatever it took to get him up to speed educationally and we never complained about it. Furthermore, I had to convince my husband to finally go after child support. She was at first court ordered to pay us 40% of the costs of his tutoring and extracurricular activities, but she stopped making those payments consistently and it was a burden on us financially. So he went after child support, but only after 1.5 years of having custody...and only because she was only willing to financially support her child when she felt like it.

Janelle - posted on 06/06/2011

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My sk mom is like that she is married and her hubby wants to adopt my husbands little girl but she wont let him because she wants the $600 a month and she wont let my husband see his little girl we have a court order to see have her 2 weeks in the summer but the mom moved and wont tells us were and she changed her number. And my brothers little girls mom is the same way she dont care about her little girl she just wants the money and to hold her little girl over my brothers head. But my brother is about to take her to court because he loves his little girs and her mom is not fit to be a mom

Amy - posted on 06/06/2011

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WOW I think those numbers are high too ...I know when we filed for Custody of my SD it was to get her in a safe and loving enviorment. I can't say its that way for most I wish I could...But we have had SD for 2 years mother doesn't pay Child support and we have lived our lives out quietly as best we can until bm starts trouble again....She has tried in court several times to take SD back away from us and everything she went in with the judge would say "Prove it" when she couldn't he would tell my husband to prove her wrong on every attempt we were able to prove her wrong...we found out later it was because our Lawyer filed for Childsupport on our behalf. :) Hope all you stepmoms have a wonderful day today :)

Kyleigh - posted on 06/04/2011

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@Megs yes i thought the same thing too! I agree with you Jess also on that, if you just put yourself in the non cust view, maybe they DO want, after all it does take ALOT money to hire an attrny, The BM of my SK's (2 SK's) didnt fight back either! she didnt have money since she was a SAHM, dh told me she had no family to support her and had to fiend for herself and get a job to support the kids and herself

Hollie - posted on 06/04/2011

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@Kimi what of the non custodial? dont you think "they," too would want the custodial parent to have their child back. The BM here wants her two girls back. Its not my decision its the courts. She hasnt fought the issue but if she did ~ she'll prolly win! keeping fingers crossed she doesnt!

[deleted account]

I think maybe they were talking to a select few people... I know a few people (who are custodials - moms and dad) who are like that, but in my experience the VAST majority of people who have custody of their children fought for it because it was the right thing for the child. OR, maybe the study is talking to the non-custodial parent and taking their word for the reasons... I don't know, but it sounds like a very biased study to me... I'll be very interested to read about it when you find the link!

Kyleigh - posted on 06/04/2011

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it also stated that custodials just have to have a control and can order the custodial therapy so a professional can log it all down and present it to the judge. Weird!

Kyleigh - posted on 06/04/2011

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oh gosh i will really have to look again i should of bookmarked IT lol :)

[deleted account]

can you please post a link to the website where you found that stat? Also, does the website have a VALID study to prove the stat? Honeslty, the number seems really high to me and I'm not very inclined to believe it...

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