Dear Bio-Mom

Brandy - posted on 12/30/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

Dear Bio-Mom,

I wish that you were here to see what an amazing person your son is growing into. He is a thoughtful, sensitive, and kind boy who shares God’s love with everyone he meets.

He loves learning and always does well in school. When he’s out of school on breaks, he is always anxious to go back. Of course, some of that is because he’s excited to see his best friend, but he enjoys learning and he’s always glad to learn new things. He’s even gotten to the point where he knows more than his father does in some subjects!

Did you know that your son is a natural athlete? No matter what sport we put him in, he excels beyond our expectations. We missed enrolling him in T-ball, but the way he played in little league, you’d never know it! He was one of the best hitters on the team. Not bad for his first time around…

Did you know he participates in his school dance programs every year and always gets speaking parts in his Christmas programs? He is great at speaking in public and it’s no surprise that he has rhythm! Nothing compares to watching him on stage in a huge theater with a huge grin on his face singing and dancing with the rest of his classmates.

I guess you know that he loves video games, since that is mostly what he talks to you about. When he thinks of things he wants for Christmas or for his birthday, it’s always some new video game. In fact, that is what he asked you for this Christmas, and I hope that is what he gets, since you won’t be coming to see him.

I hope I am not overstepping my boundaries here, but there are a few things that I think he needs from you, but he doesn’t know to ask you for them.

1. Please call him more often. He is on a pretty set schedule so you always know when you can call him. He does not play video games on school nights and he has to be in bed by 9:30pm, so anytime before that that would be a good time to call him. On the weekends you can call him anytime because he doesn’t have a set bedtime, but you might catch him in the middle of “a mission” and you might not have his full attention. He misses you a lot and speaks of you often and it means a lot to him to hear your voice. Since you are so far away, it brightens his day to know that you are thinking of him.
2. Please ask him about his friends. He has had the same set of friends for a couple of years now. They are growing up together in Christ. He is at the age where they’re calling one another on the phone and they’re starting to have sleepovers. You’d be surprised at what you can learn about your son by hearing him talk about his friends.
3. Please ask him about his interests other than video games. Things like who his favorite author is or what his favorite movie is, or what kind of puzzles and board games he likes. Because you aren’t here every day, it’s hard for you to know what he is into without asking him. There’s more to him than just video games…
4. Please come and see him at Christmas. I know that finances are a concern, but if you saw the excitement in his eyes when he talked about seeing you this Christmas, you would have done everything you possibly could to get here. It broke my heart knowing that he wasn’t going to have that one Christmas wish fulfilled since it is probably the one that he wanted the most.

I am trying my best to care for him the way a mother should, but I am in no way trying to replace you. I am only his step-mother, mimicking what you, hopefully, would be doing. I understand that even though I am the one who is physically there to help him with his science projects and book reports, to sit in the stands and cheer him on at his games, to hug and congratulate him after a successful performance, or to decorate gingerbread houses at Christmas time, you are the one that will always be in his heart. You will ALWAYS be his mom, and all I am asking is that you be the marvel that he sees in you.

Your love for your first born child should span the distance between the two of you and coming to visit him should undoubtedly be a priority. He is growing up so quickly and you are missing so much, and my role is precarious, at best. I am merely the bystander who is ready to jump in and pick up the pieces when broken promises come crashing down. For now, I am invisible to him, but should the day come when I am no longer imperceptible, and he realizes that I have always been there hanging back in your shadow, I will not be apologetic for what follows. You should take every opportunity that you have to come and see him and hold him in your arms, because pretty soon he’ll be “too old for that” and you’ll realize just how much you’ve missed, and there’s no going back…

Your Son’s Step-Mother