Disrespectul Step-kids - HELP!!!!

Amber - posted on 11/17/2009

Youre stuck between a rock and a hard place dear. Looks like he's gonna learn the hard way. I love my kids, and they love me, and may walk over me on some little issues, but hey r also afraid of me when it comes to not minding. They know that mom is the loving one, who gives in more often, but I have layed my foot down on serious subjects. If they ever yelled at me like you say these kids r, they would get a smack right in the face, expecially at their ages. I would tell the 20 yr old where to stick it, and let the others know that they may talk to their dad that way, but let them know youre not going to put up w it. Maybe if you are stern, yet fair, your husband may follow a little at a time. Keep your cool always though. You want to be the one in control as much as possible.

Darla - posted on 11/16/2009

i can relate to your situation, i have 7 step children 4 girls and 3 boys all older from 26, 24, 21, 20, 18, 17 and 8.
take control of your home, your family and your relationship you nor your husband derserve to be treated like this, it is your duy as parents to teach your children this behaviour is wrong and unacceptable and it will not survive in the real world.
try a family circle with a talking piece and make sure to set up rules of hte circle like no one elsle talks when they dont have the talking piece, to talk with respect ect ect let everyone make a rule so they will feel included in teh process. talk it out. have consequences for actions and make sure you and your partner are on the same page and are consistant and agree, none of this say one thing and do another.
your both are teacing these children that its okay to treat thier parents like this so think its okay to treat anyone like this including elders, teachers, other youth ect ect. this is not acceptable and you must put a stop to it.
us kind words and acknowledge when they do something good, talk with respect and watch your words, if you feel angry let them know you are angry and you have to go away but you will return to discuss it when you are calmed down and vise versa if they are pissed at you let them know, it seems like you are really angry i think you need to calm down and we can talk when you are not so angry anymore but make sure you do talk about it dont even if you have to sit in the room with them and follow them everywhere.
i found the circle to be helpful i found my husband was feeling guilty for alot of things and thats why he lets his kids run his life, i found out three of htem had drinking problems and one was angry because she really wanted her dad and mom to get back together. so much came out in the cirlcle it took a bit for the cricle to get started but once it did it was amazing.
but please, take charge set boundries, be honest and raise them to be the youth you want them to be so they grow to be wonderful adults who can put into life as much love as you showed them growing up. if they can hear how hurt you are and how much you love them regardless of what they do because they are your family and love and family are unconditional they will see how much they are affecting you and your husband and others who may be involved.
im sorry for blabbing! i just know this topic all too well and i have had my fair share and still am but we must stick to our guns and love with our whole hearts right. omg i bet we coudl share some good stories lol. in friendship, darla

Marilyn - posted on 11/16/2009

Mariah,



Thanks for the advice. You helped calm me down. I hate to hear that this is this way for a lot of step moms. How sad!

Mariah - posted on 11/16/2009

It's a battle you'll never win. Someday he might see the light, but it's up to him. Nothing you do or say will help him. I'm sorry you're going through this, my SD runs the house when she visits, it's so frustrating. It is maddening to see a child run the show, to see them manipulate with words and actions, to see them be disrespectful and rude to the man you love, to yourself, and others.



We all have our beliefs on how children should be raised, if you're like me, then you expect kids to be respectful and have manners. To appreciate what they're given, to not demand or whine for things. To do chores and respect the house they live in. So it grates on our nerves to see kids getting away with stuff that we would never allow. You totally disagree with how the SKs have been raised and how their behavior is handled, yet if you say something you're out of place.



This is just part of what makes being a SM the hardest job of all.



But take heart, you're not the only one that feels the way you do. There are so many SMs in similar positions with similar feelings.



Try to be an example, you can't force their dad to make them respect him, you can't force them to respect him. But you can demand respect for yourself, tell them you'd appreciate a thank you for a gift, a ride, a meal, etc. Let them know that you will tolerate disrespect or demands and they'll have to do without that ride, money, gift, or even meal (they're all old enough to make their own sandwiches). But be sure to thank them when they clean up, ask nicely or show respect.



Good luck!