Do you buy a Christmas gift
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Kerrie - posted on 12/18/2008
Thats a tough one!! Personaly i wouldnt but thats because i dont like my stepdaughters mother at all but if the situation was diffrent i dont know what i would do. She dosnt buy gifts from my stepdaughter to our kids either though!
As other step-moms have said, I think it depends on your situation. Do you get along with her and more importantly, is she a positive element in the kids' lives? I don't for my DSKs' bio mom because she left the kids behind almost 9 years ago and I've raised them since. She sees them 2-3 times a year as she lives far away, never gets presents to them on time, etc. Now, if my DSKs wanted to get her something, I would tell them to make a homemade gift (maybe a picture/painting, etc.) and I would have no problem mailing it to her, just like I do when they make her bday and mom's day cards.
Allison we are now back in a war zone & I haven't purchased anything and will not be. It was in my heart to do that in the past but I am not going to spend my hard earned money on her....if their dad decides to give them money so be it. But I will not this year~
My husband has always been against it and it has caused tiffs between us in the past so its best at least for us to not give her a gift.
Allison - posted on 12/16/2008
I had the same question. My soon-to-be step daughter, Hailee, is almost 2 and her mother and my fiancee are going to court soon for visition and custody. His ex is a horrible mom, but she is Hailee's mom nonetheless. She got a gift for him last year, but he only sees his daughter 8 hours a week, and I don't like his ex at all. But we are trying to be "the bigger person". Even though we are "at war" do we still get her something from Hailee?
Desiree - posted on 12/12/2008
Considering my step-daughter did'ent get her Christmas until April last year from her mom, there is no way in hell we are going to get her anything. She can't think of her daughter so why would we think of her. Before we got full custody we would give her gift cards for a grocery store so we knew she would have food for my step-daughter. But we have custody now, and she gives her daughter nothing, so she is not getting anything in return.
Julie - posted on 12/12/2008
i haven't ever for xmas. but for mothers day i have gotten a professional picture of our daughter and her daughter done for her. i have also gotten things for her daughter when we go on vacation. her daughter is six months younger than my son.
Sherri - posted on 12/11/2008
It's a tough thing to do...especially when it's the last person on earth that you want to do it for!! In the end, you do it for your kids so they have something that they are giving from them. I have always had them make something, usually something involving photos as their other parent doesn't have many and they feel great that they have a present to give and especially great because they made it. That way it doesn't cost much!! When they grow up and understand more about this kind of stuff, they will be that much more grateful that you were the bigger person to do these things for them.
Nicole - posted on 12/11/2008
I have not done this before. We have an on and off "relationship". I have found out that she is likely to be nice only when she wants something. But however, this year I am taking the boys to get her something. I am not going overboard. I think it will be a basket that they will make with lotion and bubble bath from the dollar store. This year she got me a cake for my birthday a week ago.
Susanne - posted on 12/11/2008
If she is not remarried and no one else would take the kids to get her a gift, then yes. In the past I have had the kids make a small gift like a picture frame with their pics in it for her. Then it is more from them then you.
Janice - posted on 12/10/2008
Because my ex and I are remarried and my current hubby's wife is remarried, we always put that responsibility on the other step parent when the kids were younger. I never gave money to my children to buy their father a gift and my hubby never gave money to his kids to buy their mother a gift. We had custody of all 5 kids...
Danielle - posted on 12/10/2008
We don't do this because his mother is remarried, so each family takes care of buying for the adjoined parent. I get the gift from him for his father, and his stepdad takes him for the gift from him for his mom. We do send them a Christmas card however, and one of the photos of her son when we took him to see Santa last month.
Julie - posted on 12/10/2008
My ex and I agreed that we would continue to buy gifts for my son to give to us on holidays ie. Christmas / Mother's Day, Father's Day! It's what we always did for him. Has nothing to do with each other it's for our son. However I know my step kids will be wanting to do the same thing for their mom as well, and this is not the agreement between them. So I would say it's the right thing to do. Doesn't matter what kind of person she or he is. The kids love their other parent and that is what the holiday is about.
Louise - posted on 12/09/2008
hi... we did do this once. but it started something off and she started to buy my partner lots of things off there daughter. he was not happy about this because it was asif she was trying to buy him back. so when decided to stop it. she has now had another little girl who has just turned one and we have a 5moths old boy. we now buy for the kids instead and i get her daddy something with her and her BM buys her partner something from her. we find this works better for us.
Erin - posted on 12/07/2008
It really depends on the relationship you have with the mother. If the children are too young to have thought of it themselves and the mother knows its you doing it, it could be a very nice gesture or taken poorly if the woman is a B@#%H. In my case, the woman is not a very nice person and has fought with my husband over their daughter for years. IT is not something either one of us wishes to do especially when we can't afford to get the kids a lot of things or even our own families something for Christmas. If his daughter was with us more then one weekend a month (or with us at all-my husband has to drive seven hours one way to see her for the weekend and myself and our daughter aren't aloud to be there because she doesn't want us playing the 'happy little family') then I would think about it. In the past I have sent her money and bought her little things when she was pretending to be on good terms with me, but since I've seen her true colors, that hasn't happened again.
Sorry about the novel...in a perfect world, the opportunity to give the mother a gift would be awesome for the children, so if you feel good about it, do it!!!!
Tara Lee - posted on 12/06/2008
We always gave the children money to buy thier mom a present until they started working(babysitting) for thier own money...By the way, she did it also for thier dad's gift. Thier dad would give them money for my gift, and thier mom would give them money for thier step-fathers gift.
Catherine - posted on 12/05/2008
its not about you giving her a present. Its about the children getting to give their mother something that she didn't give them money for, or knowing that they bought. I personally feel its in the best interest of the kids, my signif. other on the other hand wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire... so i guess its a personal preferrence
Debbie - posted on 12/04/2008
Hi yea I have before, let the kids pic it. If she is likely to use it against you then deinately do it. Give her no cause for her to pick at you. Plus the kids love giving their mum something that she didn't buy. good luck and merry christmas
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