Do you think this counts as Parental Alienation?

Betty - posted on 05/21/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Yesterday, we get a call from BM saying she was going to be 15 minutes late because SD was protesting having to leave her.
We both thought it was pathetic of BM to allow the actions of a 4 1/2 year old to make her 15 minutes late for something. About 50% of the time SD doesn't want to go back to BM either but we never tell BM about it because it would just cause a fight. Because I wanted to know how she managed to make BM 15 minutes late for something I just asked, "What were you doing before you came to us?" and she said she was making cookies. So we were made out to the the bad guys that ripped her away from making cookies and SD loves making cookies so much!

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Amy - posted on 05/23/2010

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Too funny...I love your last part Betty...Daddy's house is like Vegas, what happens here stays here...Thats great..

Betty - posted on 05/21/2010

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I think we should tell BM that she should have told us what they were doing. We would have just let SD stay with her if we knew what she was going to miss out on. We get home with SD by 5:30 and all we have time to do with her is feed her, bathe her, and put her to bed, then, we wake her up in the morning, get her dressed and take her back to BM who lives an hour away. So, ya, if we knew she wanted to have a bake off at her mom's house instead we would have just let her have the bake off because the weekday visits are a freakin joke anyway.
If we do anything fun on a weekday it's because we are keeping her up way past her bedtime and she get's circles under her eyes like she's 40 years old so it shows the next day, then BM thinks she's sick and want's to take her to the doctor because SD will lie about getting to stay up late if BM asks. Daddy's house is like Vegas, what happens here stays here.

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I think it is a form on alienation. It could start out little by making her feel bad then grow into manipulating and outright lies.

Betty - posted on 05/21/2010

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Thanks Amy. We always tell SD stuff like, "we will never do anything fun without you, we don't want you to miss out on anything because we love you so much" so she knows that is how you treat people. I know she's really young but soon enough BM's little antics are going to backfire because SD is not afraid to speak her mind. SD will become just as confrontational as BM and BM will push her out of her life because of it. I give 3 more years.

Amy - posted on 05/21/2010

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Betty,
Honestly I don't know what you can do with this. Nothing really except love your SD. We had the BM walk out and not even call SD for 10 weeks and the courts did not see it as Alienation or Abandonment. Crazy I know. It took us getting another judge for it to even get considered

What shes doing is trying to make SD feel unhappy and bad when shes with you. We went through it before we got SD living with us. Our SD was always afraid her BM and that family were doing fun stuff while she was with us because she never kept it quiet about what they were going to be doing that weekend when SD was with us. She would litterly make plans infront of her. Yes it does SUCK! But what we started doing was going out doing something like the circus, The Children's Hands On, The Aquarium on one of our weekends and the spent the other weekend(s) that we had her for the month doing down family time. Seeing relatives and stuff like that. She quickly stopped caring what BM and her family were doing and was excited to know that when she got here there would be some sort of adventure. Shortly after the BM stopped making plans and stuff infront of her and we were able to slack off every now and then with the activities..Now that she lives with us. Its easier to do what we want when we want we can do the activites once a month instead of taking a full weekend of fun..

Best of luck though Betty. Sometimes it seems like it gets worse before better :)

Betty - posted on 05/21/2010

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If BM would have called and told us SD wanted to stay longer to finish making cookies we would have been fine with that but I think BM did this on purpose so make SD sad about leaving. She also tells SD over the phone about the fun things she is missing out on when she is with us and when SD gets off the phone she has a sad face. WE never tell SD what she is missing out on. We want her to think that we only do boring grown up things when she is gone from us so she can enjoy her time away.

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