Do your stepkids have cell phones?

Debbie - posted on 03/25/2009

My stepson has had a phone for about a year now. His mom got him a pay per use cell phone. I was TOTALLY against a child having a cell phone at this time ... but it really hasn't been that bad. The phone is his responsiblity and I haven't noticed anything bad with him having one. He gets minutes as a gift for his birthday or Christmas and it's his responsiblitity if he runs out of minutes. We don't pay for any minutes for him. I may mention to family members about it being a good gift to give him, but then that's his gift from them and he doesn't get anything else.



I thought the phone would be abused and used all the time, but it seems to be just like any other toy. It's used a bit in the beginning when it's something new and then it's kind of forgotten about until he realizes that he needs it for something. My 7 year old is now trying to get a phone as well now from her dad (my ex-husband) for her birthday. I think 8 is too young, but he'll do what he wants to do. He has a hard time saying no to her.

Sarah - posted on 03/25/2009

my step son was given a mobile from his mum when he was 8 my husband and I promptly gave it back( kids live with us) they can have a phone when they can be responsible for the bills themselves. We recently hooked up an old phone with sim and prepaid credit for when the boys go BMXing with friends or to the skatepark when we ask that they carry the phone to call us if needed (boys now 10 and 12). They don't get to use it for friends and socialising until they pay the bills. That is what the home line is for.  

Just our rules but they work for us. I want kids to learn the value of money and how hard we have to work to buy what we want.  It's hard enough to teach this when birthmothers get to spend their incomes on presents and holidays and ours goes on room and board.

Jacquelynn - posted on 03/23/2009

Quoting Heather:

Here's our deal. SD wanted a phone and her mom got her one - after asking us to put it on our family plan - NO WAY. So then BM also got one for ss who was 11 at the time. He promptly lost it.

My sons live by my rules, which were you can get a phone when you can pay for one! If they were going somewhere which I wanted them to have a phone, I loaned them mine. Now my oldest has had a job for a year, (paperroute) and bought his own. He pays for pay-as-you-go, and earns his own spending money.

When my guys cried "not fair" 'cause the s-kids had phones they didn't have to pay for, I told them "too bad"....in this house, you have to earn privilages.

I've already heard of ss running his mom's phone bill up with over 3000 text msgs.......all I can do is shrug my shoulders and laugh

I had similar situation. Both of my SSs have had phones for 3yrs now. My youngest SS has diabetes and would walk to school when he lived w/BM. I accepted the reasoning, although there were many children with medical conditions walking to school before cell phones. Now they are with us full time. They have gone through at least 5 phones between the two of them in 2yrs. My BS wanted a phone and I explained he was too young and I also had unlimited calling on house phone. It became irritating because it was not only the phone, the BM gives them everything they ask for. She basically buys them. I can't stand it because half the time they don't deserve anything. I have to constantly explain to my son that I can't buy $600 game systems and $100 shoes. I thank God he is understanding to a point and knows the value of a dollar. I did recently buy him a prepaid phone and I put minutes on it as he does good in school. The BM recently realized that the SSs are spoiled. DUUUUUUHHHHHH

Di - posted on 03/23/2009

My eldest sd was given hers on her 11th birthday from her bm. We also thought this was too young, but as we weren't footing the bills we couldn't complain. When my son turns 11 he certainly wont be getting one just because his sister did. My boys will understand that their sisters are treated differently b/c they have a diff mother and that is the way it is. No doubt we will get the thats not fair, but thats tough. The only thing I have as a positive for it, was that she was the only one of her friends to get one and quickly learnt that to ring and chat was expensive so that when her friends got one, she had learnt to let them ring her or if she rang it was from our phones. My other sd got one before she turned 11, but only uses her to txt with and is on a 1c plan. We do not supply money for credit. It is entirely up to bm. Same as if they had lost it, we would not have replaced them.

Angela - posted on 03/23/2009

my stepson is 13 & has a cell phone  i don't think is a good idea kid sould not have cell phone

Sherri - posted on 03/15/2009

you sound pretty reasonable to me - my kids each had to hit 13 and then it was because they were all going to different schools, lots of activities, and we had a scary incident where my oldest child disappeared after football practice - that's when we decided to get the phones.  I think you need to decided together what the standard will be for each child.  If BM wants the cell phone she picks up the tab - and vice versa.  11 is kinda young - my opinion only.

Becky - posted on 03/15/2009

We are in the same predictament. My 12 yr old sd wants a cell phone. She lives with us full time and we have unlimited long distance on our home line. She wants it to text with her old friends from when she lived with her bm. My DD and I are considering getting her a pay as you go so when she is out she is out of time and has to earn money to buy more minutes. Also she is in sports and the summer is quickly upon us and they are always off in our small town at the pool and it would be good for her to have one in case she needs to get a hold of us. The problem is that if she gets one my 9 yr old ss, who also lives with us, will want one too.

Heather - posted on 03/14/2009

Here's our deal. SD wanted a phone and her mom got her one - after asking us to put it on our family plan - NO WAY. So then BM also got one for ss who was 11 at the time. He promptly lost it.



My sons live by my rules, which were you can get a phone when you can pay for one! If they were going somewhere which I wanted them to have a phone, I loaned them mine. Now my oldest has had a job for a year, (paperroute) and bought his own. He pays for pay-as-you-go, and earns his own spending money.



When my guys cried "not fair" 'cause the s-kids had phones they didn't have to pay for, I told them "too bad"....in this house, you have to earn privilages.



I've already heard of ss running his mom's phone bill up with over 3000 text msgs.......all I can do is shrug my shoulders and laugh

Teresa - posted on 03/14/2009

Thank you all for your responses. Hopefully I'll be able to put it off for a few more years. He doesn't enter middle school until August 2010, so we'll see what that brings. I'd really like to wait till high school when they actually may NEED the darned things.

Kerri - posted on 03/13/2009

Megan, I completely agree with that! 

Megan - posted on 03/13/2009

We have a similar sitch in that we are on a EOW and Monday dinner night schedule and my SS is in boy scouts which means lots of camping. Several years ago when my oldest SS was 10 BM decided to get him a cell phone to "keep in touch" when he was with us. SS dad, my husband, put his phone number in the address book under "DAD" and somehow each time the kids got to our house the number had been deleted. We also told BM that the SS was 100% responsible for the phone. If he left it at our house we wouldn't make special trips to bring it back, etc. (We live about 1 hour away) The main thing that made the phone a thing of the past at that time was that my SS was in sports and on the Saturday morning of games he would call his mom, grandparents, everyone all before 8:00 a.m. At first we didn't know he was doing it. Then, we allowed him to do it since he was "keeping in touch". After one too many times of waking his BM up early on weekends the phone didn't come back to our house.



Fast Forward 4 years. Now, my oldest SS is 14 and has a cell phone. Since they didn't want younger SS (he's 10) to be left out they got him one too. I think it is ridiculous that a 10 year old has a phone. He doesn't bring it half the time and when he does he has a difficult time keeping track of it. Now, 14 year old I think "needs" one because he is doing more after school activities, being more social, etc. However, for Boy scouts, he doesn't bring it with him or if he does it stays off. The leaders all have cell phones and they should have your number programmed in. So, they can call when they are on their way home or for other reasons. Mainly SS doesn't bring it because he has to be 100% responsible for it and he doesn't want the responsibility. It is really easy to lose stuff on campouts. Its all in a pack or something and small electronic devices can fall out when boys are getting clothes, etc. out. He lost his IPOD once on a campout and when we didn't replace it he learned his lesson. (IPOD was eventually found. Whew!)



I absolutely think the burden should be on BM to pay the bill. If it is her choice to give him a phone then she should use some of that "hard earned" child support money to pay the bill. Especially, if there is no land line at home.



We have had a new problem arise. BM calls my 14 year old SS a lot and seems to grill him. "What are you doing?" "I called you last night. Where were you? Why didn't you answer the phone?" "I left a message. You didn't call me back." It has gotten such that last weekend my SS told his mom that his phone wasn't charged and that's why he didn't call back. This was a lie. Soo.........We are having some cell phone boundry issues. I told SS that he should never lie but he can always tell his mom he was busy and that would be the truth. He is busy being with his father and this side of the fam on our weekends. I can tell we are going to have to lay out some formal guidelines for the cell phone in the coming weeks.



Bottom line, if there are no real issues between your family and BM family then it is probably fine for SS to have the phone. However, if there are other issues, then the phone is one more potential issue. And, it will become an issue.

Kerri - posted on 03/13/2009

I think it depends on the situation and the child involved.  Both of my step-sons have had cell phones since they were 11 (One is now 14 and the other is now 12).  We did not purchase the phones, their mother did.  She pays the bills for their phones.  They are extremely responsible boys and we have not had any problem with the phones.  They serve as a way for them to contact her when they are here and for them to contact us when they are there, and also as a communication line with thier friends.  They have rules, which they follow.  We live in a very safe gated community where all of the children are the same age.  They very often go to a friend's house and then call us to let us know they are walking to another friend's house.  It is a way for them to check in - even though we know every parent, and every parent's phone number.   

My 15 year old son has a cell phone which he rarely uses.  He uses it to talk to his dad every night before he goes to bed if he is here.  If he is there, he calls me to tell me good night.  He is also very responsible and has followed all of our rules with the phone.

My 11 year old daughter just recently got a phone.  She waited 4 years in between her brothers getting one and her getting one.  I felt she was just too young to have one until recently.  She has had 4 of her very best friends move from her school district to another county in the last 2 years.  They use the cell phones to keep in touch via text messaging.  She also is involved in special study programs with her school that involve several out of town field trips, some over night and some even out of state.  She uses the phone for those activities.  Yes, there are adults who have cell phones with her and I do keep contact with them also.  She does extra chores to earn money to pay the bill, she has to follow strict guidelines for usage and I get detailed billing showing every phone call and text message so that I can monitor it. 

I just think it depends on each individual situation, affordability, the child's level of responsibility and whether or not the actual need for the phone is there. 

Tara - posted on 03/13/2009

My 11 year old SD (we are also on the EOW schedule) got a cell phone from her BM on her bday. It was prepaid and she earned money to buy her minutes for good grades,chores etc. My husband plans on giving his old phone to my soon to be 10 year old SD and I guess since he is the one giving it and not the BM he is going to let her earn money doing chores when she is at our house and I am assuming the BM might offer her the same at her house as the 11 year old. Now my Bio daughter who is about to turn 8 wants a cell phone. I think 11 is too young, needless to say 8 so she will not be getting one. Our 11 year old has already lost hers. And I can bet the 10 year old will do the same. They are not responsible enough at the age and personally our kids are not anywhere that they would need a cell phone that urgently. I dont think they even want it for any other purpose than "to look cool " to their friends. I think highschool age is appropriate. And when they are with us they know they can use our phones at anytime to call BM or anyone else if needed.

Molly - posted on 03/13/2009

Thank you! I am lost in this technology age. :(

Teresa - posted on 03/13/2009

Hi Molly,

DH is Dear Husband, or Darn Husband, depending on how I'm feeling. DD is Dear Daughter, synonymous with BD, or Bio-Daughter.

Jamie - posted on 03/12/2009

I dont see the reason for an 11yr old to have a cellphone. I think a cell phone is a privilege and not a right. Children and parents got along just fine before cellphones and will continue to do so.

Sandy - posted on 03/12/2009

I don't see any reason why someone that age should need a cell phone...to me it seems if we give these kids all of the priviledges (they are supposed to be growning into) at young ages, we are simply taking away all of the things that they are supposed to be looking forward to getting as they get older.  I didn't have a cell phone at 11 and I and my friends still managed to find a way to phone home and check in, call if we missed the bus, etc  Also, these things get expensive and they are just not old enough to be responsible for monthly costs, losing them, etc.

Just my view

Molly - posted on 03/12/2009

We had a somewhat different situation but the same principles apply. We went through a custody suit granting me and my hubby, primary custody, while BM moved 10 hours away. We wanted to be able to keep an open line of communication available as BM b**ched and moaned that we were going to keep her from her daughter. We also thought with as often as my SD was missing the school bus that it may be handy for her to be able to call us in those instances. We told her that she was allowed to take it to school but that it was to remain in her locker during the day. This did not happen.

We went to conferences and were informed that she had wrestled a teacher over the phone because she was playing with it in class and the teacher was going to put it in her desk until after school. Since her mom rarely called her on her cell anyway we took the phone away and have not given it back since. That was over a year ago.

We personally don't think that she is responcible enough to have it back and have discussed giving it back when she is in HS.

If she wants to go somewhere, say a friends house, we get the number before she goes and occassionally call to ensure she is there. If she wants to go to the mall, ALL of her friends have cell phones, at least that is what she screams at me when we discuss the issue of the cell phone. Haha.

In your situation, if BM wants SS to have cell phone, she can provide it. That is just my opinion. By the way what does DH and DD mean?