Does anyone actually have a good relationship with SK BM?

Jenni - posted on 09/19/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Maybe I'm just lucky that we all "get along". But we actually have a good relationship with my husband's daughter's BM. It sure didn't start out that way..... but under the circumstances it all worked out.

When I started dating my husband he didn't tell me his ex was pregnant right away. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time and he knew that so he felt he didn't want to complicate things if we were just 'havin fun'. His ex had gotten pregnant with his daughter after they had broken up and she had moved out. I came in to the picture after they had stopped seeing each other. When my husband realized things were about to get serious between us he told me about her. I decided to stay with him despite the situation.

He eventually told her about me. I think she may have been under the impression that he just "needed time" and would eventually come around and get back together with her. So needless to say it really crushed her. He had made it clear that they wouldn't be (she cheated on him multiple times and tried to hit him with a beer bottle when she was drunk). She wanted to get to know me a bit since her daughter would be spending time with us which I felt was a fair request. Of course she had a few little attempts to try to break us up. She told me he slept with her when he brought her prenatal vitamins. Which of course i knew didn't happen because i was waiting in the car (which she didn't know) and he was only gone 5 mins. She told him she had sex dream about all of us. *shudder*. and then she pretended she was bi-sexual and tried to solicite me via email to sleep with her. Again, *shudder*. Btw she is really young in case you couldn't tell. We had our share of fights in the beginning which I thought was understandable considering the situation. I tried to keep my cool for most of them no matter what she said to me because I know she was hurt. Although in one fight I didn't keep my cool and referred to her as 'trailor trash'. Eventually everything cooled down.

We haven't had a disagreement in 2 out of the 3 years since my SD was born. I've watched her daughter many times when my husband was at work for BM so she could go out or when she was sick. She in return has watched my son for us. My husband and BM talk on the phone about their daughter and rarely disagree. We brought my son over to see her when he was born and my daughter as well. She invites us to family functions and other parties, we don't usually go because we don't want to risk ruining the good thing we have. We did go to the bday party BM and her family had for my SD's 3rd bday.

Is there anyone else who is lucky to have a SK BM they get along with?

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17 Comments

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Ann - posted on 10/12/2010

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You are so fortunate! I also had a great relationship with my SD when I first got together with my husband. My SD really had noone to bond with, so to speak, throughout her teen yrs so when we met we became close right away. HOWEVER...that was to change as she got older. We met when she was 12 and at 15 she started thinking that she didn't need rules etc any longer and Dad didn't really enforce anything so that left me to be the heavy. Her mom wanted to be her friend instead of a parent so she would slander me to her daughter and tell her because I wasn't her real mom she didn't have to listen to me. All the while Dad sat quietly by and let things get worse and worse until she finally moved out and into her moms home age 16. Things have not been the same between her and I or my husband and I. The stuff he let her do to me I just can't seem to let go of completely and it kills me inside. I truly pray that your relationship stays great! I treasure the memories of what we once had and how we both were before.

Michelle - posted on 10/11/2010

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I get along great with my bf's ex.. we are really close and do family things together as far as my sons fathers gf .. please that won't ever happen shes to scared to meet me..

Marilyn - posted on 10/05/2010

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Nope - you are lucky. I have been with my hubby for 5 years, he has joint custody of his son with primary residence with us. The BM never quits - I'm called all the nasty names in the book she can think of - she tries to come between me and my hubby and she also tries to wreck the relationship I have with their son. Everytime he comes home from a visit with the BM - he is rude and hates me. It takes a few days for him to come around. We have a good relationship - I treat him like my own and the BM only sees him every 2 wks but still manages to cause problems.

Lesley - posted on 10/04/2010

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Yes i'm lucky too....my hubby has 3 daughters. He only gets to see 2 of them but the two he sees the BM's and I get along. Let's just say they will call me instead of him. Now we have to call for grades and for them to come over and to just find out how they are doing. They didn't go to court so there is no court papers about custody. We get the girls whenever and for how long we won't them. So yes we are blessed.

Tootie - posted on 10/03/2010

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Things sound pretty nice for you and I commend you on even wanting that type of relationship with her. We "Deal" with my SD mom. Thats it. She's Grown up so we don't argue and fight but she also doesn't input in SD life. Financialy she has NOTHING and she can't even Mentaly give her anything so we don't share parties, I mean she's always welcome to come when we throw her parties but she doesn't to often because again, She has nothing. She has 2 other children that she barely takes care of. She JUST got her own apt 2 months ago and she's 28. My SD is 13 and we've had custody the majority of her life. OUR Life is Great and to keep it that way, we just choose NOT to have THAT Type of relationship with her. She rants and raves at my husband but I've made it quite clear that I WOULD NOT be going there with her. So she's content with her daughter just visiting here and there and we're content. So i wouldn't say it's all bad but not Sweet like your :~) Glad it works for someone somewhere!

Julie - posted on 10/01/2010

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My stepsons' BM and I get along pretty well, too. That's not to say it's perfect, but it's a far, far cry from the horror stories I hear. She's remarried, too, and the four parents know that first and foremost, it's about the kids and making sure they're happy and healthy. StepDad and StepMom (me) try really hard not to step on Bio-parents' toes and generally we all get along well. We don't share family functions or birthday parties yet, mainly for logistics (big families) but I could see that happening as the kids get older possibly. It's nice to hear that not all step-parent situations are horrible. :)

April - posted on 09/29/2010

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I get along great with my youngest (age 4) SD's BM. My hubby & I get along great with her. We all want whatever is best for my SD's health & happiness. My SD currently stays at our house through the week (I'm fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home stepmom), and sees her BM on the weekends. BM works a lot, and has a 6 yr. old son. Once in a while, I watch her son for her when no one else is able too.

My older SD's (age 8) BM, we don't get along with that great. I deal with her as little as possible. She goes strictly by the paperwork as far as visitation goes.

Glad you are so lucky, too! Let's hope it continues for us both! :)

Tosha - posted on 09/29/2010

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You are truely lucky that you and the BM can get along. My youngest SD is a senior and about to graduate. I have been in her life since she was 1 and until about 6 yrs ago we were fine. He BM however hates me because I married her ex and has done EVERYTHING she can to ruin my relationship with them. I knew early on that the BM and I would not get along, I just never imagined how nasty it could get. You are so lucky that you can co-exist with his ex.

Mandi - posted on 09/23/2010

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We tolerate each other...I think the main reason we don't "get along" as well as we would like is because up until she got married to her latest husband ( 3 yrs ago) she was never responsible. In fact..she initiated my SD into staying over there full time and we have not seen her in 5 years now. We just didn't have the money to compete..and we were not about to try. We are hoping she will eventually come to her senses.

Tjuana - posted on 09/20/2010

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I actually get along very well with my stepkids mother. It hasn't always been that way, but things are really good now. I have since divorced my ex-husband, but she and I still get along and I am close to all three of the kids. I have a son as well who is 6 and since they are older, it helps that we all keep a good relationship so that his brothers and sisters are in his life especially since his father can't help with that. Good for you for keeping the peace and working things out.

Chrissy - posted on 09/20/2010

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I wish I was that lucky with my bf's son's BM, but HA don't see that EVER happening! Now, with my ex's gf, we get along great, we don't have conflicts at all!

Maggie - posted on 09/20/2010

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I get along with the bm of my older two step children. we have a good relationship. no big problems. my youngest sk her bm is not at all in the picture. I have never met her and neather has her child so I think we have a good realtionship too. lol

Tara Lee - posted on 09/20/2010

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You are lucky. I was actually a lucky one too. In the beginning. BM and us got a long great, even to the point where hubby and myself stayed at her house when we went to visit the children. We also shared birthday celebrations and one or two Christmases.
Children were 2 and 5 when I met hubby. This relationship was, for the most part, pretty good. All of us got along fairly well and pretty much agreed on most things, with only the odd hiccup. This lasted until, at 13, SS moved in with us. That decision started the down hill drop in our "friendship". And other circumstances led to all out war. And that was the end of being lucky.
Now the SKs are 18 and 21, and hubby "talks" to BM, but only when she calls him. And should we meet out or are dropping off SD, we might stay for coffee and talk but that doesn't happen very often anymore. Hubby doesn't agree with the way BM lets the SKs do things, get away with thing, ect. Especially, once they got older(teenagers).
I guess every situation is different and everyone has different degrees of being "lucky". hopefully, yours continues. Good Luck!

Beck - posted on 09/19/2010

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I am glad to say the relationship with BM is quite good most of the time :) She can get moody and suddenly my husband is the worst person in the world but thats not too often and it has not actually spread into dealing with SS. We do most of our conversing over email and sometimes phone if it is important so we know it got through. Christmas will be interesting though. We want to take him away for 3 weeks and currently that is okay but it may change. We share birthday parties etc, but don't do family functions etc as that may be a bit of a push as she really does annoy my husband a lot. However in those events where I planned my step sons birthday party from top to bottom she did nothing and when the day came I got pushed to the back and was in the back ground as my husband was not going to cause a fight on SS's birthday even though he was not happy she took over my role in organising the day.

Sorry slightly off topic but in the end really we have a good relationship as long as we don't get too close :) I'm really glad you have this type of relationship :)

Jenn - posted on 09/19/2010

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You are really lucky.. I wish i could have something even close to that with my SS's bm.. But she is just bitter, and hates me and my hubby with a passion. We try to work with her but she wants my ss all to herself and has even tried to tell my ss that his little sister is not real family. I wish my ss's BM was as good about eveyrthing as your's is.... your truly blessed.

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Gosh, you ARE lucky. I think hell is more likely to freeze over than this kind of thing happening in our situation. But long may it last for you and it certainly is encouraging to hear.

Jessica - posted on 09/19/2010

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You Are truly lucky. I wish my daughters bm and us could get along at least half of what you have.

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