Does anyone else get along with the husbands exwife?

Emily - posted on 04/09/2009

I made a group for this called Co-Mamas / Step-wives. I'd love it if those of you who get along with your skids' BM would join that group, which is for both SMs and BMs who choose to get along. I'd love to hear from more of you about how that works.

Katie - posted on 04/09/2009

I always got along with my stepkids' mom (his ex wife).  I never saw the point of hatred toward her and vice versa... I came around long after they were divorced.  she respects me and vice versa.

Crystal - posted on 04/08/2009

My partner's ex-fiance and I get along very well.  It wasn't always that way.  They were very bitter towards each other and I ended up being the 'go between' for them.  (She had also moved on with someone else, got married and had another child.) 

It got to the point where the custody judge even ruled that they pass messages to each other through me and I was to pick up/drop off their daughter so that they could avoid seeing each other.  This went on for about a year, until I got fed up and had to put my foot down.  I demanded that they get past their issues and try to work it out for their daughter's sake.

It was the best thing I could have done - now they can be civil when discussing their child and his ex and I have become friends.  We have great conversations and offer each other advice - not just about our kids, but also our relationships!  It's wonderful, but it only works if both women are willing to get along.  We've noticed a huge difference in my step-daughter now that everyone gets along.  She's so much happier and well-adjusted.

Brandi - posted on 04/08/2009

i get along great with my husbands ex as well. people look at me strange when i say this. i love the fact we can have parties together and we buy christmas gifts for each others kids. i wish i could get along with my ex husband this well.

Maria - posted on 04/06/2009

I get along with my ex's girlfriend, but my husbands ex we just dnt speak

Treasach - posted on 04/06/2009

I'm with you. I get along very well with their mom...but our family is odd. =O)

Doris - posted on 04/05/2009

I get along great with my husbands ex. I was the one to get them to speak to each other and become friends after almost 18 yrs of not speaking. It's a long story but the short version is the ex-wife had an affair with his sisters husband and is still with him but never married him. I came in the picture years later. The kids were grown but still hurt from the fact they could never be with both their parents at the same time. The granddaughter had never had a picture with both her grandparents. It was one of the happiest days for all of us when it happened. We now have regular family get togethers when time allows. The ex even thanked me for being so good to her girls because they told her I treated them like they were mine.

L - posted on 04/05/2009

I can only dream of a day where peace would allow this.. but .. I don't believe that she will ever be able to think outside herself to allow a relationship of give and take to happen.

Pamela - posted on 04/05/2009

I knew my hubbys 1st wife before she met and married him. as she lived in same road as my nan. Who i visited at weekends. But it wasn't until i met her again in 1998 and i told her where i knew her from and we got talking that we developed a friendship that went on til she died suddenly after christmas 2008.

Chrissie - posted on 04/04/2009

It's nice that there is another SM our there who isn't faced with the daily torment of the ex-wife. My husband's ex-wife has effectively made us all candidates for Maury Povich/Jerry Springer and I think we are just a meltdown away from a counseling session with Dr. Phil.

Monica - posted on 04/04/2009

I don't get along at all with my husband's ex. She is difficult to say the least. I do however get along very well my BS's Smom. I did not know her before my ex and she married but we have developed a very close friendship. I think she is wonderful Smom, friend and wife.

Sandy - posted on 04/04/2009

I have worked at daycares before in order to be closer to our children while they were growing up and didn't mind sacrificing the extra income some people have different priorities not wrong....just different.  I know alot of people who work all the time and never see their kids...that is a sacrifice they make to have nice things.    Sometimes I think we are quilty of the same things we accuse the other of doing...judging, bad mouthing, etc.  Just a thought not trying to be mean.  sometimes if we looked at things from someone elses point of view we may see that just because we do not hold the same things important doesn't make us any better or any worse...just different.

Alicia - posted on 04/04/2009

I get a long w/ my husbands ex. Although we don't have breakfast we have done things together with our children. She and I talk on the phone or e-mail. We're not best friends but we're beyond that "getting along" stage too. Its nice, it really makes life a little easier when EVERYONE is on the same page.

Sherri - posted on 04/03/2009

I am jealous - my husband's ex has a mood disorder and is way too challenging for me.  I've tried everything, being nice, talking about how great her kids are, apologizing if I've ever offended her - absolutely nothing works.  So I've chosen to just not be involved with her in any way.  I truly wish it could be diffeent.  Good for you - its not just the ex who has to want to cooperate - its the new wife (you) who is the other half.  So you deserve a pat on the back just as much as the ex does.

Sally - posted on 04/03/2009

It depends on the day with my BM.  She is incrediably jealous of our home, financal standings and quality of relationship.

She choose to work a low paying job at a day care so she could see her daughter every minute of the day if she wanted too.  She was working for Wells Fargo, but missed her daughter too much (rolls eyes).  So she doesn't make much money.  I am a teacher and my fiance is a phone tech - so we make pretty good money.

She lives in an effeciancy apartment and we have a town home.  She has a crappy car, we have nice cars.  The list goes on.  But she HATES it so much that she tries to over compensate.  She tries to buy my SD's preference with electronics, toys and lack of structure.  But my SD loves structure.

Anyway, we go round and round with BM about punishment, chores, bed time, appropriate movies, etc.

She likes to agree with us when we're talking, but take trash when she's with her daughter.

I wish she wouldn't hold so much judgment.  But she still thinks my fiance is coming back to her if she changes enough.

Heidi - posted on 04/03/2009

Boy are you ladies lucky.  I wish I had that with my husbands ex wife.  We don't even hear from her or see her.  We haven't seen her in over 2 years now.  Although her son is now 18 I have been a part of his life for the past 8 years.  At first my ss would stay with us for a week and then with her for a week, but it affected his schooling, so she opted to have him stay with us because we had a stable enviroment for him to grow up in.  When I first got together with my husband she didn't even want me to be around her son and then all of sudden she wanted me to take care of him all the time because she wanted to be able to go out and not have to worry about him.  Although after the first year or so we did get along, not well enough to go out for coffee or anything like that but we could talk and I could give her advice on things her son liked back then because she was never really close to her son and its her only child.  She knows where we live and she has our home number and all of our cell numbers but she just doesn't want to have anything to do with him now.  Hopefully one day she will come around again, because I know deep down it bothers my ss that his mom treats him this way. 

I give you all credit for being able to get along with your exes wives.  Life would be so much easier if we all could do that, but sometimes it just doesn't work that way.

Chelsey - posted on 04/03/2009

Hi Lisa,

I get on brilliantly with the mum of my two oldest stepdaughters, we always sit and have a chat when we're all together, have had family dinners together, and other get togethers.  I think its so important to get along, as it makes everyone comfortable and happy.  My husband also gets on amazingly with my sons father, even driving him to work sometimes when he picks up my son! 

I only wish i got on better with my youngest stepdaughters mum.  Its a very difficult situation but something i just have to grin and bear.  We dont always see eye to eye unfortunately, but i guess we just have different views on things.

People think its strange when i say i get on well with the girls mum, and the same with my husband and ex husband, but its so worth it when you can all sit in a room together and feel happy and comfortable.

Take care

Chelsey xx

Christina - posted on 04/02/2009

I get along with my husbands ex wife very well. My SD is 13 years old and splits her time 50/50 between the two houses. We discuss everything together about my SD, good and bad. We agree on punishment when necessary. We assign the same types of chores to her at both houses etc. I have baby sat for her and she has taken care of my kids. She has even picked them up from daycare when my husband and I have been running late from work. It is really nice to have this relationship with her. I think it is great for the kids when it is possible. My SD also knows that she can not play one against the other.

Amanda - posted on 04/02/2009

I get along with husband ex girlfriend that they had a kid with, i find it to be a little more easier to handle things, although they don't get along but what ever i guess, so i tryto keep the peace. but we decided we have to live with each other for the next six years so we might as well be friends and make it a ride that would be easier for everyone.
although i am a pretty easier person to get along with and i don't really like confrontaion although i will call it if i have to but in a way that it can be discussed nicely. but yea we get along

Lisa - posted on 04/02/2009

Thanks,it really is rare.....

Valerie - posted on 04/02/2009

Congrats!  You have a Bio Mom that respects you and your role - that is hard to find!

Sandy - posted on 04/02/2009

I would absolutely love it if I were in the same situation. I wish sometimes that I could take all I have learnt in the past 8 years and start over again so I could apply the wisdom and do things differently with my SD's bm. Good on you and bio mom too your kids are truly blessed : )