Does ANYONE have a good relationship with BioMom???

Amanda - posted on 05/08/2009 ( 48 moms have responded )

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I have seen a lot of negativity on here about BIo Mom's yada yada, and trust me I have been there when the Bio Mom HATED me for no reason other than I was with her ex (this was a prior relationship not the one I am in now), but is there anyone that does have a good relationship with BioMom?



I'm just curious because I am grateful for my SS's mom because I realize that without her and my ex there would be no step son that I feel is like one of my own. I haven't had a problem with Bio Mom and we have talked about SS.



Just wondering

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Ann - posted on 06/15/2009

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I am a BM and SM and I have a great relationship with my SK's BM. She is married to my ex DH so she is also my bio childrens SM. She and I have forged kind of a unique bond I think since we share the parenting of 5 children. We've had ups and downs but it's been really helpful to be able to share our concerns about our children and our DH's and know exactly what the other is talking about.

Niki - posted on 06/15/2009

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It depends on each situation! We have had our ups and down from the very start with the BM, but it always ended with a DOWN. I do think it best to have a working friendship with the Bio parents but if the bio parents are unwilling then there is nothing you can do. So you show the love to the kids and hope that as they grow they will understand that you have always been there for them and that what you do is for them. It is also a hard situation, Like my own, where the BM still would wants my husband (her X/ bio Dad). So the games that are being played to get the kids to understand how it is better to not have a step parent and how they are not really family, plus the constant calls, txts and Pic txts that come from the BM to my hubby are the type of stuff I deal with Weekly. And it only pauses for a brief moment if she has found a new boy toy. So no I dont have a (anykind) of relationship with the BM!

Becky - posted on 06/15/2009

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I guess it depends on the individual.... I myself have a pleasant relationship with the girls mother... If there is a problem I can talk to her about it.... It really makes things easier on the kids and the entire family dynamic if you at least try to be pleasant and civil... It does no good to be negative or disrespectful to the mother. It will only hurt the relationship between you and the children... If you get into a relationship with someone who has kids you have to be prepared for being involved with the kids, and their mother. Don't let it become a problem... because the second the children see a problem between you, you lose their respect. I found that being more of a friend to the kids was easier than being a mother... especially since they are teenagers... They have a mother, don't try to replace her, because you never will.....

Emily - posted on 06/14/2009

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For those of us that do get along with BM, I made a group called Co-Mamas / Step-Wives: Moms and Stepmoms Partnering Together.
BM and I shot darts at each other every time we saw each other for the first year and a half. But it was amazing - once our walls came down EVERYTHING about the situation became easier. We were finally able to settle the 2-year-long court case and soon BM and I were talking about not just the schedule for SS, but our weddings, our families, our weekends.
I think we both stereotyped each other a lot in the beginning. When we got to know each other as real, human women, our relationship developed naturally. We've been careful to respect DF's boundaries on the issue and take things slowly. SS calls me Mom and stepdad Dad, so we all have a sense that he can have two families and love both.
I would never have believed even a year ago if you had told me we'd be where we are. There's hope. :)

Erin - posted on 06/10/2009

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At first we had a decent relationship, would talk on line and would hang out when we went to visit SD. But as time went on, she got crazier and crazier and started talking S%#@ about me on MySpace. So needless to say I confronted her and we haven't spoken since except for the occasional merry Christmas.It hurts, I rally liked her, but when I talked to family about the relationship and the coininsedence that she always neede dour help while she was being nice, was not a coincedence. After she got a good job and moved into a nice appartment, she suddenly didn't need my friendship anymore, and told me wer had conflicting interests anyway. Hers was all about making my husbands life miserable and mine was the opposite. its so sad. Hopefully one day it will get better.

[deleted account]

I have a better relationship with My SD Mom then my husband does. She actually prefers to talk to me over anyone else in the family. My husband has gotten better but in the beginning I think thier was a lot of resentment on his side since it was a dating relationshipo and she had broken up with him a week before she found out she was pregnant. In fac SD Mom told me she and Emily decided if something happened between me and my husband they would dump him and keep me. =-) My Husband didn't like that. hehe

Alicia - posted on 06/09/2009

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I do have a good relationship w/ BM. We have been in eachother's lives for 12 yearsish now. Sure in that 12 years we have had our issues but anybody is going to. For the most part I can't complain. We had to move about 4 hrs away, we dont see my ss as often as we would like to but when everyones schedule does work she meets us halfway to drop off and pick up without complaints. We e-mail eachother on occasion, and when we need to talk about my ss on the phone the conversations are always pleasant and can be rather lengthy. I think part of the reason is because I know my place and I am NOT the parent so any parenting that needs to go on needs to be between MOM & DAD. I don't like when someone else tells me how to raise my girls. She has a boyfriend who thinks the same way I do, we step in when we need to but other than that not really. My ss also knows to respect me as sm and his moms bf, I have a great relationship w/ everyone. Good luck to everyone who has issues w/ bm. God Bless

Teressa - posted on 06/08/2009

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I had a pretty good relationship with bm and then she decided to leave her children to go back to "school" 2 hrs away from her children and then it went downhill from there...we eventually were granted full custody of both children...she was to busy partying...now she has another son and has decided to be a bm again...i have helped my husband raise these children for 7 years and she thinks that i should not have any right or say so in anything they do! But for the sake of the children i choose to try my hardest to get along with her to the best of my ability... it's should be all about the kids in a situation like this...

Maddy - posted on 06/04/2009

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my SD's BM hates me!!! she's met me once, when I asked her (nicely) if she'd like to see her daughters room at our house so she knew where her daughter slept and was somewhat involved in her life. in the custody hearing we're currently involved in, the BM actually wants to make it a clause that the SD is not left with me for any extended period of time. A family assessment was done by a group of psychologists, who said the BM had no concept of her daughters happiness being reliant on forces that the mother dislikes for her own personal reasons, and it's because of that very point that we've gotten so much custody!!! so WARNING BIO-MOMS, don't try to negatively influence your childs life because YOU don't like someone... it only alienates your child from yourslef and impacts you badly.

Alicia - posted on 06/04/2009

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Amber,

Thats exactly what I do with my ex husband and his wife. She is wonderful with my kids and I think the biggest fear is that our children will call that other person mommy/daddy which she made my kids do. OMG did I hate that and nothing made me flip my lid like that! But as the years pasted, I just told the kids they were able to call her whatever they were comfortable with. Both my girls call their SM "mommy" but they both know I am their real mommy. Just like they call my husband "daddy" but will tell everyone hes not my real daddy, hes my SD. They think they are very lucky because they have 2 mommies and 2 daddies that love them very much :) My ex husband and I along with our spouses get together for birthdays and other holidays and do things together. That way the children have the comfort of having both bio parents there along with their step parents. They love it and wouldn't have it any other way. I am such good friends with my ex husbands wife that if for some reason they were to ever split up, I would not keep my kids from her afterwards. She has been a wonderful SM and I am thankful to have her in my life!!! :) But it was hard at first lol I wouldnt have said this 3 years ago when they first got together.

Amber - posted on 06/04/2009

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Guess I'm mostly an exception to the normal rule, but Bio Mom and I are best friends...I thank her constantly for creating "our" son! I've been with her ex since SS was 6 months old and married to him now for almost 10 years...yes, it was trying at first but she is truly an angel of god. She knows what it takes to raise a son of divorced parents and that doesnt include arguing and fighting over petty issues. I learned almost immediately that she is (and will always be) his Mommy and I do not interfere with raising him. My husband and her make decisions together and do include me and her husband, but he is ultimately their child! I have a daughter with hubby and it's like we are all one big happy family. We have birthday parties together (with all sides of each family there) and he feels like the luckiest kid alive...brags that he has two extra set of grandparents all the time...life is so much simpler when you put the past in the past!! Live life for today...each second counts...

Alicia - posted on 06/04/2009

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I have a wonderful relationship with my daughters step mom. Although at first we were at each other's throats and did everything make one another miserable. We soon realized that it was way too draining in every aspect you could imagine. About a year ago, we decided to put the past in the past and work on our relationships. Now we get along great! We are basically best friends who talk on the phone constantly, we get together and do things with the kids. They've even come over to our house and spent the night and vise versa. I think the best thing out of all this is the kids are much happier and enjoy seeing us all get along! Now it's a different story with my husband's ex. She hasn't liked me from day 1 and I dont think that will ever change just because of the type of person she is. She will be nice to my face and then turn around and tell people nasty things about our family.

Dealing with what I had to go through with my ex and his wife, I know how important it is to have a good relationship with the other person but she is just about impossible to get along with! It did take 3 years for my kid's step mom and I to build the relationship we have now so maybe it will just take time with my step sons bio mom. I am optimistic though and once everyone involved realizes it's not about them but about the children, it's so much easier to move forward.

Girlio - posted on 06/04/2009

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I try and have a bit of a relationship with BM. I have spoken to her on the phone, talk to her in person on drop offs/pick ups etc. The weekend before Mother's day I printed of TONS of photo's of the kids (none with either dad or I in them) in small form and spent hours upon hours with the 2 little gaffers cutting the pictures into shapes etc to make a pop up card collage with them for her for mothers day. I talked to DH, BM's mother and all her aunties to try and get a picture of her with each of the kids for the middle of the pop up card and low and behold there isn't a one! So I made a pretty/boyish little "Happy Mother's Day for the "pop up" part of the card for each kid.

She was not going to be around for Mother's day as she was going to NS with her new BF for a month, so I thought this would be a nice gift for her to take on the plane with her and have in NS for mother's day, then she would also have LOTS of pics of her kids with her to show everyone. Then she made DH give up his weekend with the kids so that they could spend it with her mother because "I don't want them with M (me) on Mother's day as she is NOT their mother, if they don't spend the weekend with my mom you can't take them to see your parents"

I try over and over and over again with her. I have told her that I know she is mom and that I won't ever replace her, nor will I try to, I told her that I have never and will never bad mouth her to her children or in front of her children. I told her that I tell the kids that their mom does love them too.

She uses me though, she takes advantage of me, she wants me to take time off work to look after the kids so she can go do her things (keep in mind that a) she does not work, nor ever has and b) moved to another city to be closer to her new BF), She won't put me on the list of people that can pick the eldest up from school, instead writes a letter SOMETIMES saying that I can pick up.

When she came home from her month away she wanted DH and I to take her car to the airport with the kids at 11:30 at night and pick her up, because WE owe her.

It drives my ex crazy that I still try to be nice to her and remain amicable, but I keep telling him AND BM that the kids best interests is my priority and that things will be a lot easier for ALL of us if we can remain amicable.

Laura - posted on 06/03/2009

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I have a great relationship with BioMom. She is really nice to me we communicate about how to raise our child consistantly between our 2 homes. However, she and my husband hate each other bitterly, they will not even speak. It is horrible for my SD she suffers as a result. I do not want to be an enemy to the biomom because it is not fair to my SD, plus, she has always been really nice to me. My relationship with my husband has really suffered because of this triangle and he wants me to never speak to her again. I feel that this is unfair to everyone but him and as a SM I will not do what I think would be harmful for our daughter. However our realtionship continues to suffer over this to the point that I do not know what to do.

Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2009

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I have a decent relationship with BioMom. I know what kind of person she is and don't really take to heart what she says most of the time. Unfortunately she is what I would classify as "white trash". I'm not trying to be harsh or spiteful, but her children are her paycheck. She has 5 children with 3 different men, and her 6th child on the way. She doesn't work. So her current husband, and her 2 ex-husbands pay for everything. It's just frustrating, because I know what kind of mother I had, and the mother I try to be to my son and the step-kids (who we see once a week) and then I look at her and I feel sorry for every single one of her children, because they got jipped...

Misty - posted on 06/02/2009

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I have a pretty good relationship with my SDs BM. It was a little shakey in the beginning because there was a lot of negative talk coming from both sides. There were some issues that had to be handled, and it just took a little time for us to get to know each other, It also took some time for her to trust me and to see how well I get along with my SD. We have come along way in just 3 short years, and, surprisingly enough, I think we have actually become friends. She now knows that I am not trying to take her place, but that I love her and care for her AS IF she WERE my own child; just like I would expect of anyone if the shoe was on the other foot. My SD is a part of my husband, and the reflect each other, so my SD knows that she has 2 families that love her.

A good relationship just takes some work. There are bumps along the way, but if one nor the other tries to cause problems then a good relationship usually makes itself. So, anyone that still may be struggling with the BM, good luck to you and just hang in there. If there is anything positive to come of the relationship it will happen in time.

Katie - posted on 06/02/2009

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Yes I have a great relationship with BM. I don't often come to this group because most don't.(Not always of their own doing) Now don't get me wrong it is not always easy...but then again it's not always easy with my own husband. Bottom line is we both really want what is absolutely best for our daughter. (of course it helps that she is not really a jealous person) We even get together and have girls night out!

Talena - posted on 06/02/2009

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I do. Our situation is a little complicated. She was just a baby's momma no relationship with my husband. I also had a child of my own. So when we got married ahe was really in support of everything because she saw me as being mature plus knowing what to do because I had a child. In about a couple of weeks I'm going to the area that bio-mom and my SD live. My husband asked bio-mom if I could pick my SD up without him being there. She said I could come get her anytime. So I'm thankful for the bio-mom.

Malinda - posted on 06/02/2009

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I have a great relationship with the BioMom! I could not have asked for a better situation. She lives 3 hours away and we have custody of the boys. When she comes to visit she stays in our home and I would not have it any other way. This gives her the opportunity to stay up late, wake up, etc. with the boys and it's great. While she is here, she also helps keep her boys in line and helps me with my boys when I'm not here. It's wonderful!

Kimi - posted on 06/01/2009

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I would have to admit that we have a pretty good relationship. We don't ever talk to eachother on the phone. We talk to eachother in person occasionally but it's allways a very short conversation. She spoke very rudely to me once but I had it comming so whatever. She has told me that because I am the SM that she will make sure her daughter is respectfull of me and I thought that was nice of her.

SD has no problem with me and prefers me over my MIL which is sutch an honor because my MIL is the nicest person you could ever meet.

I was told by a pro SM that it is better to avoid BM than try and be her friend and that I would get along fine if I just didn't say mutch to her at all. So far she is right.

A few days ago my SD told me that her mommy want's me to do a better job at painting her toenails. "Mommy wants you to try harder.." were her words. If that is BMs only complaint than I gues things are going great=>

Karen - posted on 06/01/2009

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From the beginning I did not have a good relationship with my stepson's mother, until she became one herself. She finally got a chance to see and feel how I felt. Now it's interesting how our relationship has developed. I don't get the blame anymore for everything that goes wrong in the boys lives. She calls me now for advise.. Were not best of friends but we have a good relationship now when it comes to the boy's. No more fighting and pointing of fingers and yelling and screaming. The kids are much better for it now. My life has become much easier.

Beth - posted on 06/01/2009

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I have a very good relationship with my stepchildren's mother. At first, it was difficult but I was determined to get along for the sake of the kids. I made it my goal to at least get along but I now have a great relationship. We even go to church together. It's hard but it was worth swallowing a few jabs now and then. What I kept in mind is that when the kids got old enough to really see, they would remember me speaking well of her and never putting them in the middle of anything. Just love the kids and God will take care of the rest.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/27/2009

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yeah, I have a great relationship with her - she stays away and doesn't bother me! :D

Julie - posted on 05/27/2009

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we have an okay relationship. i am the one she communicates with not DH. and usually she calls me when like her boyfriend upsets her, etc. we go out to eat together and watch each others kids. i think i am the closest thing she has to a real friend. she has had a hard life and very unsupportive family. although she wont admit it she bends over backwards for her family and gets nothing in return. it helps that we were friends in high school adn she introduced DH and i. our daughter has grown up with two mommies for as long as she can remember. and we go to all of her little sisters things and her mom goes to my sons things.

Sonya - posted on 05/23/2009

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When the BM first heard about me she hated me and didn't want me around the kids and it's crazy because when I finally first met her she wasn't in my face or anything we talked like we knew each other all along I think that the tension was with my husband and her, rather then her and myself so when we met there was no negativity and there hasn't been any since and it's been 4 and 1/2 years so I was thankful for that it just makes things smooth for the kids atleast when (" I ") pick them up thats the case or when I talk to her on the phone.Which is a big plus for me :)

Rene - posted on 05/23/2009

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I have a civil relationship with my SS/SD BM. She totally leads a different kind of life than my hubby and myself. My SD is more like a friend than child to both myself/hubby (her father). My SS (16) lived with us up until Mothers Day weekend....then off to BM's house he went. We have voiced our opinion of differences to one another privately but, NEVER said anything ill about BM in front of my SS. But...no matter what, we still play second fiddle over BM. It's very hard.

Jamie - posted on 05/14/2009

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Things have been better for us lately. She has chilled a lot and is not so demanding and bitchy. I think she realized once she would be more civil the better things would be for everyone. So, so far so good, ive spent hours texting her, sometimes not even about visits or what not just shooting the breeze. Now i dont know if she is being genuine but for now ill accept it.

Ashley - posted on 05/14/2009

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I've always been a believer of the old saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" I fortunately have a really good relationship with the BM. My husband has full custody of his son and therefore he now is my respponsibility too. If there is anything that has to do with their son I tell her nicely so that I don't burn a bridge..." I'm sorry but that's your folks thing. I am not qualified to make any decisions about him." I guess you can say that I am the mediator. I keep the paths of communication open for them. That's just what you gotta do. Sometimes it may be hard because it may not be something that you agree with but you gotta just be a support for both of them.

Bailey - posted on 05/13/2009

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no ive tried really hard to get along but its almost like my biomom is jealous of me being with her ex. but i have tried but it has only caused me upset. i have no idea why she hates me. but she does..:(

Tara - posted on 05/13/2009

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I have no problem with my exhusband (he has my boys) and they live cross country from me. I have a problem with my husband's exwife only because she relies on child support and if friend of court doesn't pay her she hounds us. She only works 15 hours/wk and her current husband is a seasonal worker so child support is a highly anticipiated income. Just drives me crazy.

Di - posted on 05/13/2009

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I have the best relationship with my bm. She lives 1000km away and we never talk, txt, email or have any contact at all. Which suits us both fine. I don't see why I have to like someone who has absolutely nothing in common with me and vice versa. Seems to me that now she has to only deal with my husband, I don't have so much antagonism coming from my sds either. Each situation should be done differently as each situation has many individuals in it. For my bm and I to retain contact it would have ended up a war and that would have been such a pull on the kids. For my sds best interest we ceased all contact and in our situation that is the best option because at least this way the kids are conflict free.

Hedy - posted on 05/12/2009

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I have a wonderful relationship with my stepsons' biological mother. She and I go to lunch alot just the two of us. We also take the kids to the park or the zoo. We are actually planning on taking all our children to a water park this summer while my husband is out of town on business. It is so nice to be able to work together for the kids sake. My daughter's stepmother is just the oposite. She will never let things be easy for us. I am so thankful for my stepsons' mother. If we couldn't get along like we do I don't know how I would manage!

Gina - posted on 05/12/2009

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Mine and BM's relationship isn't great, but it's not bad by any means. We aren't buddy- buddy, but we attend the kids' functions together, and we exchange very amicable phone calls and texts when information needs to be relayed about the kids. Recently, when oldest SS was acting up with me, she got on his case and told him he needs to be more respectful of me. I definitely have my OPINIONS about her - LOL- but since this woman's going to be a part of my life for a very long time, I'm certainly not going to do anything to rock the boat.

Joy - posted on 05/12/2009

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I have a pretty good relationship with both of my SS BM but is has taken a long time to get to that point. Not to say that we don't always disagree on things where she feels that she is right because she is the BM but I have to respect that. It has been a long time coming but we have a great respect for each other.

Clementine - posted on 05/12/2009

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I only wish I had a solid relationship with BioMom. But bio mom calls my husband a Mother F****R to step son and proceeds to tell SS that it is our fault that SS doesn't get to spend more time with her. Also SS comes home from her house with a huge chip on his shoulder. He won't listen to me and when I ask him to do things around the house he asks his dad "so dad what do you think, do I really have to do that?" I am happy to hear there are lots of step moms with good relationships!

Tara - posted on 05/12/2009

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My husband was married to his ex for 7 years and they had 6 children together. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and we now have 1 son together. Although at first it was a little awkward, at least for me, now we get a long great. We are not best friends but for the most part it has worked out very well. My daugther even spends time at their house when it is not our weekend. I tried in the beginning to not get in the way of anything and just be respectful to her and let her and my husband work out what they needed to work out. Now me and her do most of the talking and planning. I wasnt there to take over anything, just be someone else the kids could count on. I treated them like my own from day 1 and we all put the kids first. I think that really helps. If 1 parent isnt willing to do that then it makes it horrible for everyone. We all go to the same church so the kids wouldnt have to attend two different churches. It's nice to know that the kids can look back knowing they had four parents who really love them (she is now remarried) and they dont remember tension or arguing. All of that can really mentally and emotionally harm a child so I really respect the step parents and bio parents that can put their own emotions and selfishness aside

Amanda - posted on 05/11/2009

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I have never had a good relationship with the bm. I think it would have been different if she was a better mother to her children, but since day one my husband pretty much raised them by himself, even when they were married. She lives about 20 hours away now and hasn't seen them in about a year. She calls sometimes to promise the kids a gift that she never sends or to tell them they're daddy won't let them come see her, but never anything positive. I would LOVE it if she wanted to be a better mother and be a part of their lives. I would fully support and stand by her if she made that choice. Until then, I really have no desire to have a friendship with her, I have zero respect for women like that. Kudos to all the bm's that are better than that and all the stepmoms who co-parent! It really is for the best if it's possible.

Gloria - posted on 05/11/2009

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We do get along pretty good,right Christy? And we chat on line here and there say hi, we talk about any accomplishment that Mo has and if she needs anything,we are both moms and so we know what we are talking about.She has allowed me to have a healthy relation ship with Mo. And once a year we spend about a month planning the trip for the Princess to come over,.I have to say she has done a great job raising my husbands daughter,Mo is an amazing young lady very smart,and respectful.

Jenifer - posted on 05/10/2009

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i actually am best friends with my step daughter mom, it wasnt that way in the very beginning but we have been through alot together it has made a strong friendship between us.

Jennifer - posted on 05/09/2009

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I have a great relationship with my step daughters mother. At first we hated each other. I meet my husband when bio mom was prego with step daughter. When I first started dating my husband he told me that she was prego. I told him that was ok.



After she had the baby we asked for a DNA test because she said the baby was another mans. Once we got that next came the court papers. It scared her when she got them because my husband was going for full custody. Bio mom is still legally married to her husband but they dont live together. Bio mom didnt want to go to court so my husband, bio mom and myself sat down and had a long talk.



At the end of the talk we agreed to 50/50 custody. This was after long fights with bio mom and so on.



Now we all get along great. Bio mom will call me before she calls my husband since he works for UPS and is delivering boxes. I stay home and go to school. I do all the doctor appts, sports, pre school stuff and so on for step daughter. It works out for all of us. Bio mom and my husband dont have to take off work to take her to the doctors.



It does take a lot of work to build this kind of relationship but it is what is best for the child(ren). We even get along great with her other kids.

Francesca - posted on 05/09/2009

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I wish for my ss's sake that me and bio mum did get on, they see the tention coming from her. once we were civil she came round when my husband was out and talked about her up coming wedding and the problems she was having with her bf (now husband) about a year later it changed. i think its because me and my husband got engaged have our own house, and also my ss's calling me mum.(they called her now husband dad very early on) we will never be able to be civil with one another shes too bitter to turn things around which is so sad for the boys. i dont know anyone who is friends with their bio mums, but i applaud the people who do, keep up the good work!!!

Heidi - posted on 05/09/2009

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I know of families where the Bio parents, and step parents can get along, but in a lot of these situations there is so much history for that to happen. I have absolutley no relationship with my SS BM. She hasn't had anything to do with her only child for over 2 years now. She hasn't seen or talked to him. Although he is 18 now, I know it still hurts him, even though he says it doesn't. The last time we even heard from her was when she called my husband to ask to borrow money. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to do that. My husband said no of course and she had the nerve to say " What have I ever done to you?" Well that list is endless, but thats come here nor there.

My best friend has a great relationship with the stepmom of her kids and I think that is absolutely amazing, mind you it wasn't always that way, but they worked it out. They attend the kids activities together when they can. My best friend also has a SS daughter and they take her little brother(who is from another man) on holidays with them and overnight visits. NOt many people can do that, but they certainly deserve credit for that.

Now with my son he has a SM, but I can't say I have any type of relationship with her. We use to get along well enough for my sons sake, but lately so much has been said and done, I honestly don't think we can mend that gap. I don't even have civil relationship with my sons bio dad, maybe that has something to do with it.

But my thought for the day is if you can have a good relationship with the stepparents and bio parents is do it, because its for the benefit of the child or children!

Abby - posted on 05/09/2009

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I do... I took, printed and framed a photo of my ssons to give to thier mother on mothersday.

She texted me when she got it. Here is our conversation:

BM; Thanks for the wonderful picture..I love it!

Me; Your welcome! Happy Mothers day

BM; Thank you! You too..you are a wonderful step mom to the boys and I am VERY thankful for you:)

Me; I can't tell you how much it means for you to say that! I am so thankfull for you as well. There are some crazy people out there!

BM; I know-belive me i know!

Me;LOL!



Just know that it was not always like this, I hid from her for almost a year, everyone knew I was in the kitchen but I felt it best to not stick myself in her face. We keep her in mind or at least in the loop with every decision we make (ok at least about the kids). I have had times where I wanted to tell her how it is but they are few and far between and I NEVER have. Don't push it, just keep her feelings in mind with every conversation and slowly you should be able to at least improve the relationship!

Natasha - posted on 05/09/2009

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I have great relationships with BM from my first marriage. My ex's daughter is 12 years old and to this day her mom and I are actually very good friends. I just had my SD over for her birthday party for a day last month, while BM and her family went out. It is for sure so nice to have good relationships, open communication and respect between two adults who are working together in the best interests of the children.

[deleted account]

I am a BM & a SM and I would like to think if my daughters SM was on here she would answer YES!!! Yes we've had our ups and downs but I love her and appreciate her and hope as a BM herself gets where I'm coming from if somethings not quite right....No one is perfect

Holly - posted on 05/08/2009

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I actually had a great relationship with the BioMom for the first year and then everything went downhill. It seemed that the more my SS loved me, the more she hated me. It has been three years now and I kind of avoid the BM, and it is too bad because if we liked each other, we could really help each other and therefore help the SS, but she is too mean. The saddest part of it all for me is that I counted her as one of my closest friends (we would hang out with friends together and spent countless hours talking), but now I have lost that and I don't know if we will ever be friends again and honestly, I miss her. Looking back, I almost feel manipulated by her that she was drawing me in so that she could hate me later. My one regret is that when my SS and I were discussing what he would call me (he was ten when I married his dad), he hinted at "Mom" and I didn't want to devalue his BM so I told him to call me Holly.

Jaime - posted on 05/08/2009

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Congrat's om having a relationship like you do. I for one do not have any sort of relationship with my SS BM and either does my husband. Not asking for the best of friends, but to beable to work together and act civil around each other is not to much to ask. Even helping one another out once in awhile would be nice. It is sad, because you can defenately tell it effects my SS

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