Does facebook or MySpace ever cause problems with Bio mom?

Erin - posted on 01/26/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I guess Bio mom found out I put one picture of my step daughter with her father (my husband) on my myspace page and totally freaked out and threaten and insulted us both. She went as far as to tell her daughter to tell daddy how much she hated him in the background of her conversation with him. So there she is cursing and screaming obscenities at her daughters father, while her daughter, just seven years old, is goaded into screaming how she though he was a piece of crap and never wanted to see him again...over a picture. Mind you my husband has had weekend visitations for a very long time now, considering we live seven hours away, and has never had an easy time with mom, but he and his daughter have always gotten along great and had fun together until recently becasue its getting to the point where she is old enough to come visit us in our state comfortable..oh yeah and we just had our second child, a son, and that has set her off as well. She calls him another bastard child even though My husband is raising all of his children...funny how that works? Also I gave her a family photo album full of pictures of the family her other won't let her see along with pictures of her and her dad and she supposedly threw it away as soon as she got off the phone with my husband. EVIL PEOPLE!!!!!! So anyone have a similar experience or some words of encouragement? Please!!!

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Catrina - posted on 02/05/2009

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We have our trust issues because of mutual friends of biomom, and the all of a sudden interest in adding either my husband or myself....biomom has blocked both of us (THANK GOD) but we still have some issues and weird feelings about these old high school friends, who all of a sudden pop up - like an ex-roommate, sister, sisters best friend etc....

My brother has had myspace mentioned in family court with his ex, regarding my sister in laws myspace......seriously -- "What does this have to do with the well being of my child" was all that was said and the next topic was brought up. This ex went as far as having her crazy mom mail my mother a copy of the private page of my sister in law that quoted her lovely stalkers who are checking on her page daily (even though it's blocked) and she mentioned them to focus on the sick grandmother, hoping that family before stalking would be the case.......just lame, time wasting drama....

Krystyl - posted on 02/05/2009

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Quoting Krystyl:



I haven't really had any problems, With MySpace as I don't use it...






with facebook, it's just an annoyance, my Fiance' and I made my SS a facebook page (all the security settings are put on high) so that all our far-reached relatives can see him grow up ...






I kind of feel like Bio mom is making into a competition,... If I post some pictures of my SS ... it seems like she goes and takes a picture of her or two of him and posts it,... I never meant it to be this way,...






 






the other problem website I've had was 'photobucket' ... basically all of my usernames are hte same for my accounts for almost everything,... we get a phonecall about 2 days after I upload some photos of my SS and I , and Bio mom freaks out because my SS had a bottle in his hands... the funny thing? thats how we found out that she had weaned him off of bottles... we never even knew she was doing this...





I just wonder how long she's been Creeping my pics... like, thats scary,... she phoned up 2 days after I loaded them,... makes me wonder how often she frequents my pages...

Krystyl - posted on 02/05/2009

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I haven't really had any problems, With MySpace as I don't use it...



with facebook, it's just an annoyance, my Fiance' and I made my SS a facebook page (all the security settings are put on high) so that all our far-reached relatives can see him grow up ...



I kind of feel like Bio mom is making into a competition,... If I post some pictures of my SS ... it seems like she goes and takes a picture of her or two of him and posts it,... I never meant it to be this way,...



 



the other problem website I've had was 'photobucket' ... basically all of my usernames are hte same for my accounts for almost everything,... we get a phonecall about 2 days after I upload some photos of my SS and I , and Bio mom freaks out because my SS had a bottle in his hands... the funny thing? thats how we found out that she had weaned him off of bottles... we never even knew she was doing this...

Cheyanne - posted on 02/05/2009

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I can't relate to any of this, but I just wanted to put out there that I am so glad that my husbands ex and I are friends. When we all (Dad, Mom, Step Dad and I) entered into this arrangement that we have we all had one thing in mind and that was our kids!! Yes we may have our disagreements but they stay between the adults we don't bring the kids into at all. I have witnessed some pretty nasty divorces andall they do is go after each other over stupid petty stuff!  And they don't really think about the kids! I want to also put out there that my heart goes out to all the step moms that have to deal with the garbage that Bio Moms put them thru!



 



Good Luck All!!

Erin - posted on 02/05/2009

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This situation has blown so out of proportion that its ridiculous. He has visitation with his daughter this weekend and neither mom or his daughter will pick up the phone for him. Mom says that niether one of them have anything to say to him. Ofcourse what did he do wrong? oh, yeah, absolutely nothing. Mom justs hates him and is reveling in the fact that she finnaly got her daughter to ahte him to becasue she was scraming crying and freaking out over the phone to him about the stupid picture being on my page. She wrote " can you believe that crazy bitch wife of his put a picture of my daughter on her page saying the she misses her beautiful step daughter, I wanted to rip her throat out" this she posted on a page she knew is public and one she knows I check. She told my husband that they threw out the family photo album that we made for her and everything. Shes flipped a lid and over nothing. A stupid picture on a stupid webcite, nothing harmful about it at all. Its ridiculous. And now my step daughter is treating my husband like crap and has no right to. He doesn't even know what to say to her. Hes non confrontational and I ahve no idea how this weekend is going to work out. So far bio mom doesn't want to "be held in contemt" and keep him from seeing their daughter, so at least hes able to get his daughter away from her for a little while, but she is still manipulating and brainwashing the kid. It makes me furious!!! Anyway, this sucks.

Nicole - posted on 02/05/2009

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Bio's mom looks at mine all the time, I blocked her but she looks through her kids pages adn I hate to block them because they have no done anything wrong. The biggest problem that we had is that her son (not my husbands boy) has a picture of my stepsons on his myspace and it says Fags under the picture. My husband asked her to have him remove it and she said that its nothing harmful and that it is cute. If she looks at my page she may be hurt but just never says anything.

Shennandoah - posted on 02/04/2009

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I have had slight issues with Myspace with my hubby's EX.. She would check on my page and look at photos of the kids which is fine. She would get upset when i would put a caption like, "my boys"  or "our family." She would complain to my hubby about it. I figured it was  MY space not HER space. If it bothered her then she didnt need to look at it. Those pics were for my friends and family to see. To make it easier, i just set my profile to private.

Rachael - posted on 02/04/2009

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Oh and another thing... Facebook is excellent at blocking- they cannot even see you if they are blocked (posts, or the fact you even have a page). Myspace is far more out there, which is why I cancelled my account there... I am just very cautious about adding mutual friends, as sometimes people are unaware of dynamics!

Beck - posted on 02/04/2009

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I can honestly say Erin we havent had any issues with facebook photos. My husband and I pick photos of his son to put on the site so others can see how he is doing as its the only real way we can show his aunty. Also she has her own photos up of him and neither of us contact the other to see if it's alright for the photos to be up. It should be the parents decsion as You husband is her father and he makes the decisions. I don't think what she has done is fair at all especially getting your sd to abuse her father for no real reason. I really hope the situation improves for you.

[deleted account]

I have her blocked from everything.........she isn't my friend and never will be.  She shouldn't have insight into my life



Just my .02

Rachael - posted on 02/03/2009

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I can relate :) My myspace showed up in court because I had my stepdaughter's picture with some very "obscene music" (mainstream pop- edited too :) in the background. She also used the income portion (which I was nieve enough to post) as well in court. It is just sad, because now I am a little nervous to have her pictures on any of these sites, and she has asked why, which I of course made up excuses for (I am going too, dont worry I just want to put really good ones up there, ect ect). I have another child with my husband who's is posted all over... it is just sad, and ridiculous, as she of course posts her pictures all over facebook/myspace...

Catrina - posted on 02/03/2009

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Then I'd stop.....because then it starts affecting your home life and relationships at home. I hate to say this but it goes like this ---- F**K A B***H ---- and BM is being one, if she can't realize all you are doing is trying to help the situation.

You can't be rational with a irrational person.

Seriously, it use to consume my time and keep me up all hours of the night going over everything. I've got 3 different binders full of documentation on BM, that my husband uses to look back on and deal with issues that she's continually laid out. Try that. Have your husband email, or like we do - my husband will talk to me about what he wants to request etc....then he opens his email, talks again - I reword it so as to not be so offensive - and off it goes. From HIM! Not me. HIM! My fingers yes, but from his mind with a rational person typing it.

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2009

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It sure doesn't feel like I'm doing anything. It is a job and I get absolutely no respect or gratitude for it. It causes me a lot of stress

Catrina - posted on 02/03/2009

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My husband use to refuse to talk to his ex period. Hearing her voice made his blood pressure rise - she use to be able to send him over the edge my talking as much crap about him...going so low as to call him a sperm donor. Yet she's the one who kidnapped the kids? So how is it his fault that she took off?

BM and I got into a discussion when she played stupid on their court order over a vacation request. I put her in her place, and I guess she got so frustrated (like my husband usually did) and hung up on me. I called back, of course no answer, but I told her I'm not here to cause problems. If she can't be an adult and have a conversation without repeating herself over and over again then don't expect me to sit and attempt to listen. (Throughout our talk she said the same thing like 10 times, each time I would tell her - we addressed that next topic. Find something else to talk about and we can move forward.)

Now it's at the point that my husband has been able to have a conversation with her and she's the one who's so frustrated because he's calling her on her BS and it's stuff she doesn't want to address. So my husband will email her, and she's required to respond - as it pertains to the children.

She's at a point right now where the kids are asking questions about "Dad" and their past, my husband has laid it out to the kids that their mom had every right to initially take the kids away from him. He wasn't making the right choices. But when he was situated in life and ready to be responsible - mom took off with them. The past is coming back to bite her in the bottom and she's freaking out about it.

You're doing MORE than enough with BM and playing median....that is a job in itself. I applaud you in that Jennifer...

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2009

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Oh the BM in our situation emails just me and I get in trouble for issues that happen! I'm the mediator because they can't talk to each other. IT SUCKS! Then she doesn't help me when she can but I'm to when it comes to her needing it.

Catrina - posted on 02/03/2009

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As far as email goes, I wish you the best of luck with that. I've tried to be the median between biomom and my husband ---- biomom won't email me back. She will completely ignore me, as well as my phone calls telling my husband "I'm not court ordered to have the kids return your wives phone calls, so don't imply that I do, they will speak to you at your 1x min. scheduled phone call time"

Catrina - posted on 02/03/2009

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I'm with you on the sharing photos thing. Biomom took the kids out of the state without permission in the beginning. Almost 2 years later my husband was able to locate them. So by taking that 2 year gap into mind, as well as their ages by then (almost 3 and 4 1/2) it was not a good idea to pull them back. He just fought for visitation.

We've asked for photos of their sports activities, school plays, birthday photos and school photos -- biomom has REFUSED any form of access. My husband has had to send copies of their Court Order to anyone when he's asking for stuff. Like the school photos, Biomom didn't give notice or option to purchase photos, so good thing we were granted access to the school calendar and found out how to go through the photographer instead of even the school.

Sucks when biomom does this crap. She has even gone as far as to say "if the kids mention the wish to send you anything, then I will, but it must be without persuasion. If I have any clue or notice of your request coming through them or discussing it with them, you won't get a thing" We haven't gotten photos since my SD turned 2...she's 8 now.

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2009

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Well I just sent her an email about sharing pics and we'll see what she says. She has her pics blocked now and i saw them before. THIS BOTHERS ME TO NO END! I feel like I'm going crazy

Catrina - posted on 02/03/2009

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Oh no! No adds anywhere - it's a BLOCKED thing right away. Biomom has facebook, but when we found photos of the kids playing sports and mentioned it - she blocked all her stuff. Sucks that she couldn't be a mother and share that info to their Dad so he could ask about it. But no way in hell do we add or request her.

We've had some mutual people, even her sister request to be friends - and told them all "No offense, but this is about me and my life. You aren't a part of it, and since you are connected with biomom on a reg basis - no go for you. Feel free to email if you please" We haven't gotten any response from those msgs sent to those who requested. Ironic.

Mika - posted on 01/28/2009

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i have alot of problems with the BM and the myspace thing . first mistake is adding her as a freind , she would make comment about the pics i had up and be neg. when changing her status, relate to me in some way...real childish crap.....i even wrote a blog about dead beat mothers....man that really pushed her buttons but i could have fought with her with blog comments or emails and comments on her myspace instead i just deleted her .

Catrina - posted on 01/28/2009

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I haven't personally had issues with either...however my brother has. It was even brought up in court, with threats of the Step Mom creating issues or what not...my brother cut off the lawyer speaking on biomom's behalf and asked the judge if they could spend their time on matters pertaining to their son, so as to not waste anymore of the courts time. That this wasn't his myspace, that he didn't have either because of these very reasons, however his wife decides to vent or post photos of his child - has not one single thing to do with his rights and visitation with his son..........

Judge agreed --- NEXT TOPIC!

Unless you downright threaten biomom or whoever, then there might be issues.. But I've got all 5 kids posted up on my myspace page, and everything else private. So let a crazy ex spy on my stuff -- to that I laugh!

To each it's own! Do unto others as you want done to you.....

Dawn - posted on 01/27/2009

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I'm beginning to sound like a broken record.  LOL! 



YES!   I have had problems right here on this very message board with my husband's baby mama.  She created a fake profile and started posting to my conversations - and in a very arguementative way.  Something clued me in that this just wasn't right.  And then, I got it.  It was her.  I called her out, and now, she only reads what I write . She's probably created a new profile and is posting things again.



I also had similar problems on Reunion.com with her.  She again had a fake profile.  Funny, but she used the exact same name on both FB and Reunion!  LOL! 



For me, I can no longer be as open about my life as I would like to here.  I am open about the situation with her.  But not about the other aspects of being a stepmom or mom because I know that every word I write is being watched.  I don't keep my profile completly private, but mostly, and only because of her.  I have sent her a friend request - though she declined.  She much prefers learking in a more secretative way. :)



Here's the way I see it.  Its the World Wide Web.  When you put anything on here - its for the world to see.  If you feel comfortable saying something - SAY IT!   You should not however, use real names, or personally attack another on.  That's just not nice.  If the pictures are your personal pictures - POST them.  Again, as long as they don't hurt someone else.



There are so many, many aspects of my life that she does not know - nor will ever know about me.  I know which cards to hold close and which to show.  And sometimes, I bluff :)

[deleted account]

I've had issues with myspace. My page is set to private so all you can see if you look me up is my main pic. I had a picture of SD and her sister. Well bio-mom looked me up and emailed my husband telling him I had to take HER daughter's pic off of my page because child predators and sickos would be looking at her. Yeah, right! So I cut another pic of SD and me where all you could see were my eyes and hers and she emailed back saying she didn't want HER daughter in any pics with me. I had to put my husband's page on private as well as ask my in-laws if they'd do the same thing. Just in case she "looked" us up again. I agree, so childish because this lady used to have a myspace page with lots of my SD's pics on it. I guess when you're insecure about your own life you try to make everyone else's as miserable as yours. Don't let her get to you! She can lie to a kid but I just pray that one day my SD will know the truth and realize how crazy her mom is.

Erin - posted on 01/26/2009

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Thanks honey, I know thats true, its just distructive the the child. But yeah, bio mom is EXACTLY like that...stupid!! lol!

Jeanine - posted on 01/26/2009

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Hi Erin,



I can relate to freak out Bio moms over facebook or myspace. I have alot of info on my facebook about my pet peeves, music I hate and just stuff or types of people that bother me. The Biomom phoned me and threatened to rip my face off because she thought it was all about her...it isn't and wasn't but she saw herself in the attributes I listed. I just let her swear at me and say terrible things over the phone, only proving that she IS a terrible person and insecure. After that phone call I changed nothing, she threathened all sorts of things, like lawyers and taking my SD away from us or keeping her from our upcoming wedding. Again only proving that she IS a terrible person and jealous that my husband & I are happy and moving on with our life.



Remember that most of the viciousness that they spew onto you & your husband comes from jealousy & insecruity. Don't let it get to you and just let it roll off your shoulder.



Good luck!!

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