Don't know what to do!

Christina - posted on 01/28/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

32

30

5

We are supposed to get his kids everyother weekend, every other holiday and two weeks out of the summer. Lately we have been getting them once a month. They are sick a lot and don't want to come when they're sick, which I understand. The biomom also pulls that "they don't want to come" line. We are going to petition the court for a set visitation schedule when I get my tax money back in they next couple weeks.



Biomom has agreed to us getting a set schedule, but how do I know she won't constantly tell us the kids are sick? I really love the kids, and so does our daughter. It's hard on us when we don't get to see them. How do convince Dad that we should get them when it's our weekend regardless if they are sick or not. We can care for them just as well as she can, and at our home there's no smoking which is actually better for them when they are sick.



I just don't know what to do. I want my daughter to spend more time with her brother and sister.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

10 Comments

View replies by

Donna - posted on 02/02/2009

8

4

0

When my stepdaughter was younger we got her every other weekend regardless of whether she was sick or not.  In fact I was the only person who took her to the doctor for being sick from the time she was 4 until she was about 15.  Her family doc was at our house which was an hour away from where she lived.  Just try to reassure the bio mom that you will take good care of her and will call her if things get any worse while she's with you.  My stepdaughter always new she could call her mom pretty much whenever she wanted to as long as she asked us first so I think that may have helped some.  Just make sure that when you file for your set visitation schedule that they actually give you a copy of the standard visitation order for that year with everything spelled out specifically we ran into that problem when my daughter got older and didn't want to come.  With a standard visitation order you are usually entitled to more than just every other weekend visitation.  We actually were entitled to holidays during the week, alot of them on Mondays and other holidays throughout the year.  Just want you to be aware of some of the things we weren't aware of until it was to late to do anything about it!!!  Good luck!!!!

Christina - posted on 02/01/2009

32

30

5

Thanks for all the imput.  Scott did talk to a lawyer.  Then talked to the X. She agreed to let him file for a set schedule. So she won't fight it. That's such a relief. We are going to call the lawyer again tomorrow to go in for a consult. Then when the tax refund money gets here we will file. I hope if all works out.

Viky - posted on 01/30/2009

13

4

1

You march down to the family court clinic and have them help you write a petition for a parenting plan.You don't need money to do it. Those children are a part of your family... sick or not. Nothing will change until you have a court order in place.

Ashley - posted on 01/30/2009

216

25

32

Quoting Nathalie:



It seems to me that you are working through a set weekend - such as you get them the first and third weekend of the month, except that it gets canceled when one of the kids are sick.  Since you technically don't have a set schedule, why don't  you see about switching the weekend?  Back to my example, they were sick the 1st weekend, so make up the time on the 2nd weekend of the month and still also have them the 3rd weekend, because that was already agreed upon.



Remember to be diplomatic and make sure your partner is thinking the same thing you are!


We do this. In fact, it is very helpful when we need to swap out for our plans or she needs to swap out for hers. We just keep track and often "double up" on weekends so that things line up with the calendars. If they need to spend two weekends there, you get two weekends in a row. They can't be sick that often... if they are, they need to see a specialist :)

Dawn - posted on 01/30/2009

188

30

21

Here's the way I see it, kids are kids, they should not be allowed to make adult decisions.



Sounds like Dad is just trying to keep from causing any problems and I get that.  He just needs to do what is best for the kids and what is best for those children is spending time with BOTH parents - sick or not.



Believe me, I know how easy it sounds and how damn hard it is to do!



Good luck to you.

Sarah - posted on 01/30/2009

24

53

0

I think that it shouldnt be very hard to convince the dad. Im sure he feels the same way so I would go ahead with the courts and if she does not give you the kids when it is your weekend then she is in contempt of court!

Lourdes - posted on 01/30/2009

3

15

0

I wish it was only once every other weekend...
I must say the X isn't SO dumb,
I mean, she's suckered (by court papers) my boyfriend into driving 60km (both ways) to pick up our step daughter EVERY Wednesday to spend 3 hours with her and then pick her up EVERY Friday at 5pm until we have to drop her off at 6pm Saturday evening. You would think that he would pay less in child support since he's the only one driving our SD back and forth and she's with us 15/31 days of the month!
But nope, he's paying the X half our months rent!!  
I just hope and pray that that 22 year old baby momma has a college fund for our SD.

Debbie - posted on 01/29/2009

626

5

103

Just an interesting thought for you!!! Have you taken a look at Dawn's conversation about PAS parental alienation syndrome...it's an interesting read ......it may apply here!!

Nathalie - posted on 01/28/2009

3

6

0

It seems to me that you are working through a set weekend - such as you get them the first and third weekend of the month, except that it gets canceled when one of the kids are sick.  Since you technically don't have a set schedule, why don't  you see about switching the weekend?  Back to my example, they were sick the 1st weekend, so make up the time on the 2nd weekend of the month and still also have them the 3rd weekend, because that was already agreed upon.



 



Remember to be diplomatic and make sure your partner is thinking the same thing you are!

Hannah - posted on 01/28/2009

6

15

3

I would just go ahead and get the court order as long as it is what your partner wants. The kids will most likely be reacting to their mum not wanting to let them go, which is hard on all of you...They need time with their Dad and with their sister as well as you. The kids being sick shouldn't be as issue, maybe she is just having a hard time letting them go. It sounds like you guys need to talk to the Mum and reassure her that you will take good care of them, that you love them, but that you aren't trying to replace her. She might feel threatened....I would try and talk to them all about it first and then explain that the children will benefit from having 2 households of loving family to look after them.......

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms