Drama Drama Drama

Casey - posted on 03/05/2010

Please read the book, The Smart step Mom and visit the site successfulstepfamilies.com. You are not alone. We all go through this. I got the book off of ebay and it is helping with every chapter I read. The site is great too. it just might help you too.

Tanya - posted on 03/04/2010

I wouldn't say that I am glad to know that others are in the same situation as me. But I am glad that others understand. Drama is so over whelming in our home right now. His ex and his oldest daughter having been causing so much conflict that I am ready to just walk away. I have been told I pick on his daughter, I am rude to her, just plain mean. His ex thinks that we should not be around when the kids come over for their weekend with him. She has told him that his daughter, who is 15, has the chose to come to our house if she wants or not. Also that she does not want to come because I am here. I work, ALOT. I am working on average 65 hours a week, including weekends. I am pretty rarely even home to see my own two kids much less his kids when they are at our house for their weekends. His daughter will find something most weekends when she does finally show up, to cause some sort of problem. For the most part I have to just sit by and say and do nothing as his ex will call and freak out over whatever I might have said. My BF just keeps telling me that she is a teenager and that she will get over it someday and realize that she was wrong for her actions. He tells me that his ex can complain about whatever she wants but he just ignores her and lets her complain. He will stick up for me if she attacks me but if she is just complaining about just stuff he will listen to her. I get very frustrated with the whole thing. His sister, who only visits once a year at Christmas, asked me this year how I manage to stay in this relationship dealing with everything. At this point I really wonder myself. The drama is exhausting and it is starting to push us apart to the point of me not wanting to be at home at all.

Annette - posted on 03/03/2010

My husband's ex really doesn't try to interfere. It's my stepdaughter that does...right now there's such a wedge between my husband and me because of my stepdaughter I'm not sure it will ever heal... oh the drama....

Vicki - posted on 03/03/2010

Wow ladies, I agree with all of it. My husbands ex, I just wish sometimes the earth would open up and swollow her. That being said, we are in marraige therapy because of all the stunts she and now her son has pulled. It's driving this huge wedge into our marriage. But, like someone else mentioned on here, her power only works when you play her games. So, our therapist told us, when you email her, sound like a broken record, type out an email that will cover the basis on pretty much everything, and everytime she's nasty in an email, just send her that same pre typed email back, samething with text messages, just be the broken record. A power struggle can't work if you don't play their game and don't give them power. When my husband finally sent her an email stating his position in no uncertain terms, it's REALLY cut down on the stress and amount we hear from her. However, I think she could be plotting something, because she's not happy unless she's causing problems. So, his daughter is getting ready to go into high school this coming fall, and I believe she'll try to start some drama later this summer. She can't stand for him to be happy at all. I don't understand why these ex's just don't grow up and move on, she's remarried and everything. I could understand it if he was the "deadbeat" dad, but he's always been the responsible one while she's been the "fun" one, if you know what I mean. I use to try to get along with her and talk to her and such, but now I stay as far away from her and even some of the issues for the sake of my sanity and marriage. Good luck everyone!!

Annette - posted on 03/01/2010

Yes...we have nothing but drama here, but not because of the exes in our case...because of his kids! They're now 21 and 23 (the 24 year old lives in another state and doesn't cause issues) but the 21 year old, and to some degree the 23 year old, still cause issues between us. My husband and I get along fine when they leave us alone, but then one decides to throw a fit about something or other and it just gets so rough. They try to run our home (yes they live with us.... they keep moving back!). It's not that I don't want them a part of our lives, they're his children and they are a part of our lives and that's fine, it's that I'd like them to fit into our lives in a normal manner without all the selfish drama! So yes, the years fly by and I feel stressed because I know any minute another situation will arise and the drama will start again.... Doesn't take anything to start it either... (PS...they didn't want him to marry me and have tried repeatedly to get rid of me.)

Belinda - posted on 02/28/2010

With my family it is blended. My husband has 4 boys, 13, 10, 9, 5. I have a boy and a girl 12, and 9. he has two ex's and I have one. For two years we fought with his second ex wife over the kids in court. This last year we fought mine. The oldest son is a mess and is staying with my aunt and uncle because he fights with us all the time over everything. He stole something from my aunt and uncle's house, and my uncle is giving him a chance to change. There is always drama going on around here. and with the 6 kids it makes it hard. i don't know what to tell you really that helps. I push things away and try to stay happy best I can. I really hope things slow down for you.

Gena - posted on 02/27/2010

Thanks ladies it's not great, but nice to know I'm not the only one. I keep telling myself that it will eventually all come to an end. I think counseling is a great option, I have done it alone, but the family counseling sounds like a good idea. There are times when even though I LOVE my partner to death, I want to run the other way. But then I tell myself one of these days this will all calm down and we will be able to enjoy life....we have been together like I said almost 4 years now, we've been engaged but we don't even talk about a wedding just because there is too much drama. Now like I said his ex ( the one w/the assault) is as nice as pie and is trying to be decent, and so far so good, now I'm going through evaluations with my ex. This is the real kicker for me b/c we have always gotten along for the kids, yeah it was rough in the beginning, but for the most part we have been fine, now he remarried in Sept and filed for full custody. Honestly I don't know what I would do if both sides would be throwing it at me at once. I've always consided myself a strong willed person, but we all have a breaking point...

Jennifer - posted on 02/27/2010

YES Gina you are so not alone here and actually reading that right now made my eyes water as my entire day yest was completely better drama than soaps due to the ex in our lives! I have a complete Jerry Springer/Maury ex that I have to deal with and have been 4 the past almost 7 yrs and I cant say if it ever even gets better! Ex's may move on and have new men in there own life but if you are doing better and your relationship is a good 1 they hold so much secret jealousy inside themselves they would never admit it to any1 but its true! I bend over backwards and often bite my tongue and just bow down n kiss her ass on a regular basis 4 the sake of the children I take a tremendous amount of heat from MY family for the things I do and even had a counseling to deal with the ex {Satans Mimion as I call her} in our life but alas we are not alone! I have a stomachache that never goes away and as weekends/holidays/summer draw close I try to think what am I gonna do 2 get the actual visit n motion here {we have no court orders 4 visitation its a huge mess} I even go as far as letting her new boyfriends kids take a turn on weekends just to please her So we are not alone hun

Jessica - posted on 02/26/2010

Yeah. I have even thought about writting a book about my life and whats to come of it!!!

Heather - posted on 02/26/2010

Parent Coordinators are a possible solution. They are counselors who are appointed by the court and has the power of a judge in making decisions regarding the children that cannot be mutually agreed upon by the parents. It keeps both parents in check and helps prevent situations like you've mentioned.

Mandie - posted on 02/25/2010

HAHAHAHAHAHA yes Gena, my hubby and I joke that we are on "Days of Our Lives" ; P

One thing that has helped me recently is we are now seeing a Family Counsellor- we couldnt afford to for years but now we realise we have to. Anyway, he told us that she likes to 'play games' and creates these situations where we are living on tenterhooks and/or are dragged full force into her games. He also pointed out that there's nothing we can do about HER behaviour but we can CHOOSE not to 'play' WITH her. Then if she has to 'play' alone, it's not so much fun. I thought at the time- buddy you dont KNOW this woman and the lengths she will go to (threats/stalking/damaging our property/extreme violence) but ok we'll give it a crack. And you could have knocked me down with a feather but it WORKED! We dont have ANYTHING to do with her, all communication is through my hubby and hers (who can be civil for the most part) and I'm sure it's KILLING her but she cant touch us now b/c we dont 'bite' anymore. Example:- oldest ss is supposed to come to us this weekend but rang (late) last night to say he just wants to stay with mum- which is something she would have put him up to FOR SURE. Normally we would put up a fight and insist and all hell would break loose. But as much as it hurt him my hubby saod ok- no drama, no game for her to play. It's th only way to stay sane.