frustrated..

Mistee - posted on 03/19/2009

Hi sherri, I haven't taken him to a dr, because i am not the biological mom & we don't have custody I really can't do alot...I have suggested it to BM & BD, but they haven't done anything...I have tried rewards but they are only great in the moment, he seems to forget again the next day...he is fine if we keep on him, i just don't know how long we are supposed to do this for...It is good to know he won't do it forever though...thanks!

Sherri - posted on 03/19/2009

double check with a doctor, of course, just to make sure that everything is okay physiologically.  Bowel training can be a control issue for children - it is actually very intimidating for some children, especially boys for some reason.  Think of it from his point of view - put on a diapter and go to the mall and try to use the diapter.  It would be very hard to do!  This is how he feels - he's used to the diaper and going in the toilet can be frightening.  My nephew used to scream because he thought he'd fall in the toilet.  Have you tried any books that talk about toilet training - I mean the kids books that you could read with your son.  four year olds are all about control and he's obviously holding on to this one!  As well, if you've recently had a baby, a remarriage, etc., he is more likely to use toileting as a control mechanism - it is not unusual for children to revert for a period of time.  Have you tried to reward him for being a big boy vs. being a baby (like your younger child, not as a punitive word).  The baby poops in her diaper, so she's too little to ........ something that your son loves to do, see, eat, make, stay up later, have special mommy time, etc.  Then when he uses the toilet tell him he's obviously a big boy and can .......... whatever it is.  I worked in public health as a public health nurse for a couple of years and while 4 and a half is a bit old, its not entirely unheard of.

Good luck!  (ps, my son used to pee all over the fences in our neighbourhood and the neighbors would complain, obviously, at about the same age, and at 16 he no longer pees on fences, at least not that I know of, so chances are your boy will outgrow this too).

Sherri - posted on 03/19/2009

double check with a doctor, of course, just to make sure that everything is okay physiologically.  Bowel training can be a control issue for children - it is actually very intimidating for some children, especially boys for some reason.  Think of it from his point of view - put on a diapter and go to the mall and try to use the diapter.  It would be very hard to do!  This is how he feels - he's used to the diaper and going in the toilet can be frightening.  My nephew used to scream because he thought he'd fall in the toilet.  Have you tried any books that talk about toilet training - I mean the kids books that you could read with your son.  four year olds are all about control and he's obviously holding on to this one!  As well, if you've recently had a baby, a remarriage, etc., he is more likely to use toileting as a control mechanism - it is not unusual for children to revert for a period of time.  Have you tried to reward him for being a big boy vs. being a baby (like your younger child, not as a punitive word).  The baby poops in her diaper, so she's too little to ........ something that your son loves to do, see, eat, make, stay up later, have special mommy time, etc.  Then when he uses the toilet tell him he's obviously a big boy and can .......... whatever it is.  I worked in public health as a public health nurse for a couple of years and while 4 and a half is a bit old, its not entirely unheard of.

Good luck!  (ps, my son used to pee all over the fences in our neighbourhood and the neighbors would complain, obviously, at about the same age, and at 16 he no longer pees on fences, at least not that I know of, so chances are your boy will outgrow this too).