Lanaya - posted on 01/07/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )
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I AM FEELING A LITTLE OVERWHELMED:-/
WHENEVER MY SS VISITS(EVERY OTHER WEEKEND) WHEN HE LEAVES MY BIO HAS PICKED UP A NEW LINGO OR BEHAVIOR THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY. FOR INSTANCE MY SS SUCKS HIS FINGERS(HE IS 6 NOW AND BEEN DOING SO SINCE BIRTH) WELL HE HAS LEARNED NOT TO DO SO IN MY PRESENCE BUT NOW MY BIO(3) TRIES SUCKING ON HER FINGERS LATELY WHENEVER HE LEAVES SHE WILL DO SO FOR ABOUT 3-4 AFTER HE LEAVES. THEN SHE MIMICS HIS BEHAVIOR WHICH I SPEND THE WHOLE WEEKEND CORRECTING: LIKE HE TRIES TO USE CUSS WORDS OR ACRONYMS HE WILL SAY " WHAT THE..." OR "OH SHOOT" I PERSONALLY DON'T LIKE EVEN HEARING THAT SUGAR COATED LANGUAGE FROM A KID. I CHASTISE UNKNOWN KIDS IN THE PARK FOR USING THAT TYPE OF LANGUAGE AROUND THE YOUNGER CHILDREN TO. NOT ONLY THE BEHAVIOR IS AN ISSUE MY SS MOM TOTALLY LACKS PARENTING: ALL SHE DOES IS OCCUPY HIS TIME WITH "FUN" : LIKE CHUCK E CHEESE, THE MOVIES MARINE WORLD AND EATING OUT IN ALL OF THEIR FREE TIME WHICH INCLUDES PICKING UP FROM THE AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAM AT 5:30 AND ALL OF HER WEEKENDS. SO WHEN SS VISITS HE EXPECTS THE SAME FROM DAD AND I. WE HAVE EXPRESSED TO BM TO LIMIT THE FUN SO HIS EXPECTATIONS AREN'T SO HIGH BUT SHE THINKS WE ARE BEING RIDICULOUS. WHAT MAKES IT WORST IS THAT SS TELLS MY DAUGHTER SHE SHOULD COME TO HIS HOUSE BECAUSE ITS FUN! THEN I HAVE TO TELL HER NO, THEN HE BRAGGS ABOUT ALL THE STUFF HE GETS AND DOES.. WHAT SHOULD I DO? IT IS NOT THAT WE CAN'T DO THE SAME THINGS BUT WE DON'T FEEL ALL OF THEM ARE APPROPRIATE AND WE DON'T WANT THE CHILDREN TO BELIEVE THAT IS THE ONLY TO SHOW LOVE(SOMETIME HE TELLS US WE DONT LOVE HIM OR HE DOESNT WANT TO VISIT ANYMORE BECAUSE WE DONT GO FUN). I INCORPORATE ACTIVITIES THAT ENCOURAGE OPEN COMMUNICATION: BOARD GAMES, BAKING, STAR WATCHING AND BOOK READING ETC.. I DONT REALLY LIKE THEM WATCH TV. I HAVE TRIED ALLOWING BM TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER ON SOME OCCASIONS BUT EVERY TIME SOMETHING HAPPENED: MY DAUGHTER CAME HOME WITH A BUSTED LIP TWICE AND THE FINAL STRAW WAS WHEN SHE LOST SIGHT OF HER "FOR JUST A SECOND" AND MY DAUGHTER WAS IN SOME WATER FOUNTAIN(LUCKLY PLAYING BUT THAT COULD HAVE BEEN TRAGIC) SHE ALWAYS BEGS ME TO KEEP MY MY DAUGHTER BUT FRANKLY I NEVER TRUSTED HER I TRIED TO SET ASIDE MY FEELINGS FOR MY CHILDREN, I WANTED THEM TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE FAMILY AND THEY CAN REST ASSURE THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE THEY ARE WITH EACH OTHER THAT THEY CAN FEEL SAFE. I AM NOT ACCUSING HER OF CAUSING THE DAMAGE BUT I FEEL THAT SHE IS NEGLECTFUL BECAUSE NEITHER OF THE CHILDREN HAVE HARMED THEMSELVES OR OTHERS IN MY CARE. ON THE OTHER HAND MY HUSBAND JUST GOT HIS SON MEDICAL RECORDS AND IT SEEMS THAT SS HAS HAD MULTIPLE HEAD AND EYE TRAUMAS IN HER CARE AN OD AND ABOUT 20 SORE THROATS. I AM WORKING REALLY HARD TO KEEP MY FEELINGS IN CHECK BUT I AM STRUGGLING AND SS IS COMING OVER TOMORROW. THIS LITTLE BOY HAS TOLD MY BIO THAT HE IS GOING TO KILL HER. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH OF THIS BEHAVIOR IS NORMAL BIG BROTHER SYNDROME, MY BROTHER AND I ARE 9 YRS APART AND HE THREATENED TO KILL ME ALL THE TIME. MY POINT HIS I HAVE BEEN STEPPING BACK FROM THE FRONT LINE WHEN IT COMES TO SS BUT NOW RESENTMENT IS SETTLING AND I DON TRUST HIM AROUND MY DAUGHTER, JUST LAST WEEKEND HE ACCIDENTALLY KCIKED HIS SISTER IN HER MOUTH TWICE IN 30MIN( DIDN'T BREAK THE SKIN) BUT I TOLD HIM THAT IF HE ACCIDENTALLY KICKED HER AGAIN THAT THEY WOULD BOTH BE CRYING AND TO STOP WHATEVER HE WAS DOING TO CAUSE THE ACCIDENTS AND THERE WAS NO MORE ACCIDENTS THE ENTIRE WEEKEND. IT MAKES ME MAD BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER LOVES HER BROTHER I EXPLAIN TO HIM ALL THE TIME THAT SHE THINKS YOU ARE THE COOLEST DUDE IN THE WORLD AND HE SHOULD BE NICE TO HER. I AM LOOSING PATIENCE AND I KNOW ITS NOT SS FAULT:-) WHAT TO DO? ANY SUGGESTIONS?
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