Heather - posted on 02/18/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )
So I finally have just given up trying with my step-kids. They are boy, 14 and girl, 11. We get them every Tuesday and Thursday and then every other weekend (or whenever the BM wants us to have them) and I tried so hard to make it a happy home. It all came to a stop the day that the BM and I got into a screaming, cussing match in her front yard because of a lie that the 14 y.o. had told her. She got mad at me, I got mad at her, and the kids and my husband got caught in the middle of it. From that day on I decided that I can't love them (b/c she won't let me), I can't be mean to them (b/c she won't let me), I can't discipline them (b/c she won't let me), I won't buy them clothes, do their laundry, pick them up from school, take them to school, activities, we don't take them out to dinner, etc. (b/c she won't let me). Are you starting to see a pattern here? She thinks that if I'm good to them or doing something nice for them, then I am trying to replace her. If I discipline them or say something negative, then I am being mean to them and "treating them like step-children". Wait! I thought they were step-children. So, long story short, I have quit trying so hard. I'm not sticking my neck out there to be chopped off or my heart out to be stepped on. And you know what...things have been better around my house. There is no screaming, no fighting, no headaches. I let their dad do all of the yelling, the discipline, the laundry, putting them to bed, picking them up and taking them to school, doing their homework, etc. I am their step-mom. I would throw myself in front of a bullet for them and I love them and always will. If they ask for my help, I will give it. When they ask for my advice, I offer it to them. Quitting doesn't always mean losing. I have gained some piece of mind and a couple of really cool little friends out of the deal.