Going out of my mind!

Belinda - posted on 08/09/2009

whats dad doing to discipline her? And if youve taalked about it, have you both agreed on how you will discipline when hes not around? tough one, I had that happen to me but he was 16!!!! ugh

Javana - posted on 08/07/2009

Hi! Christina , I have been their with one of my step kids and he was five , the kids have a hard time with the idea that there is another person in there father life and their are other kids, I think you should give her some one on one time and see if that help make a differents and I understand that your hubby work a lot put he still needs to set her down and have the talk about how to act when daddy is not home or around and he needs to inform her of who you are and what your role is to him and if she does not get better you might need to set with the bm bf and yourself to see if you can get a grib on this I wish you the best of luck

Christina - posted on 08/07/2009

Well I am at the point if something is not done I can not say Me and MY children will be here anymore I cant take it

Amy - posted on 08/07/2009

Wow these people on here are soooo nice!!! Some children need to be spanked. Sometimes nothing else works. I'm not saying abuse the child, but alot of times one swift pop on the rear does the trick. I have two step children and a child of my own, all of them got spankings when they were younger and now I couldn't tell you the last time one of them had a spanking. All we have to do is give them "the" look and they streighten right up. The child is obviously out of control and obviously enjoys giving you a hard time. If your husband doesn't think it's a problem then HE is the one with the problem. Next time she acts like that I would load that kid up and take her right up to his work and leave her there with him. Let him deal with it and maybe he will get the point. Sorry to be abrassive, but there is NO WAY a child will ever kick or hit me! You are the adult. Good Luck :)

Christina - posted on 08/06/2009

Dad dont seem to care and today she decided to kick my 7 year old son off the couch and into the livingroom table and Now My son has a HUGE bruise on his leg My husband does not seem to think its a problem and NEVER SAID anything to his daughter... I dont know what I am going to do I am about to lose it~

Lesley - posted on 08/06/2009

Have you explained to her that its not nice to do those things? What does dad say about it?

Ashley - posted on 08/06/2009

Quoting Christina:

But one warning and a time out NEVER works... She is still acting up and screaming the whole time.

My daughter is 3 and we are definitely dealing with this... and she is MINE (i.e., in one household 24/7). That said, in my house the time out doesn't START until the screaming stops. She needs to learn that she should use the time out first to calm down and then to think about why she is missing out on everything else that is going on. Calm consistency is the key. She may end up in that corner for most of the evening on occassion and that is ok as long as you are not going off of the deep end :)

To compound the age/stage issue, I totally understand the differences in discipline between the two households. My SKs are 14 and 18. I went through some tough years with them. It can be exhausting "retraining" kids every time they come back to your house to obey your rules and behave with respect. It will be a life long thing for her and for you all as she grows up. It is unlikely that you and BM will ever agree on discipline even if you do both eventually reach a good "cordial working relationship" on behalf of your SD. So, you're in it for the long haul. Find your inner solitude, peace and strength. Understand that as she grows up, she will get better with consistency (just like your kids did)... but that she has to negotiate two sets of rules and that will require "reprogramming" for the first several hours (or days) when she comes back to your house.... every time... until she leaves your house as an 18 yr old on her way to college... believe me on this one.

Hope this helps...

Christina - posted on 08/05/2009

But one warning and a time out NEVER works... She is still acting up and screaming the whole time.

Betty - posted on 08/05/2009

I know it's harder to deal with a child that is being spanked at the other household. My SD's BM spanks her and as a result she is not afraid to do things with us because she knows the worst we will do is put her on time out. Sometimes she will do awfull things.
I don't believe in the three strike system. That gives her two chances to do something inaprotiate with out a consiquence. It's not like you are giving her a life sentence, just a time out for a measly 5 minutes, and then you have her attention before things spiral out of control. Just one warning is all she should get, if that.

Christina - posted on 08/05/2009

Yes I have talked to him. and he works alot so there I am the only one here with her. She is getting to the point to where I dont want to get her as often as we do. I talked to her BM and she to spank her. I dont believe that is my place. I dont spank my own chrildren. I have started a 3 strike your out and a reward system and she dont seem to care about that. I was so mad today I started crying!!!

Elizabeth - posted on 08/05/2009

Have you talked to your husband about this? Maybe he needs to step in and give her some discipline. I wouldn't want my other kids around that sort of behavior either. Kids are VERY impressionable.

Betty - posted on 08/05/2009

My 4 year old step daughter struggles with this at times. My husband and I have a no nonsense kind of attitude about it. If she's bad we give her a warning, if she keeps it up she gets a time out. If she dose something really bad there is no warning. She ends up with a time out about once a day. She's really good most of the time because she hates time outs. 4 is a hard age for girls because they are so moody. It's like a little preview of the teenage years. Just enjoy it when she is good. When I find myself feeling stressed because of my SD I just take a step back and let my husband deal with her while I regroup.