Happy Birthday without BM- venting!!

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Tomorrow is my beautiful bonus daughter's 5th birthday! I can't believe that toddler I fell in love with is already 5, it seems crazy that it goes so fast.

I also can't believe that this is the third birthday in a row that her bm has had nothing to do with her or her big brother. It seems so crazy to me that you could care so little about your own biological children that you haven't seen or spoken to them in going on 3 years. I'm so angry with her becasue I feel like those amazing kids deserve so much better than she has ever or will ever give them, but I'm also sad for her because she is missing out on two of the greatest kids a mom could ask for. I'm accused of being bitter and holding a grudge, but how can I help it when I'm watching my kids being treated like they don't matter??? Am I crazy to still resent her so much?!?!

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Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2011

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In the same sense I know how you feel. My own children have not spoke to their dad in almost 5 years. Its hard when you hear them say "I miss my dad", & even harder to resist saying "He chose to go to prison instead of spending his life with you"... I praise you for raising someones kids!! Way to go you!!!
Its an everyday struggle for my new husband to deal with my children when they mention their "dad" who has never had anything to do with them, so thumbs up to you!! And after 5 years sometimes I think the grudges get worse!!

[deleted account]

This is so sad, and I totally get how u feel, I really do. But hey, you are now their mum. There have been plenty of times where I have felt like this towards BM and i ended up realising that all of my negative energy that i was putting into hating this woman was actually only affecting MY own mood and MY own life, not hers! So my point is these negative emotions you have towards her (which are totally understandable to have!!) are in turn, actually only affecting YOU in a negative way. I have let go of these feelings now, of course they come back every now and then but i don't let them take over, if you get what i mean =) I hope that all made sense!

Vanessa - posted on 01/26/2011

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Yes you will still resent her ---- I did too!
But I turned it around - to be grateful at her being such a f&%k up actually gave me a gift in letting me be the mommy in the house and gaining such a wonderful hubby! If she wasn't the way she was, I wouldn't have all I do have today.
Don't pity her --- she's obviously too selfish to care about anyone else, so your feeling sorry for her is simply lost.
don't hold any emotion except INDIFFERENCE. no hate, no pity, no anything---- simply indifference.

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No, you;re not crazy. I feel that way about my daughter;s bm too. January 1st was the year mark for the last time the bm came to see our daughter (so now it's been over a year) and they only spoke on the phone 5 times last year - all the calls were instigated by us and NONE of the calls were on special occasions. Bm didn't call on Easter (our daughter's favorite holiday), our daughter's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving (and it was supposed to be bm's year to have Thanksgiving), OR Christmas! We haven't even heard from bm since October...

I'm mad and kinda glad at the same time since it's just one more piece of evidence for our case against her. Honestly, our daughter never even asks about her bm anymore and that makes me both sad and glad at the same time...

Karen - posted on 01/27/2011

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Your not crazy. it does hurt when the ones you love are being hurt.
All you can do is love them and show the your not going anywhere.
However it sounds like your doing that so I'm just telling you what you know.

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