HELP FROM ALL STEP MOMS

Blessing - posted on 10/25/2010

i would love to have all things through her problem is shes overseas at the moment.

their relationship is 1 mess i wish they would keep me out of, but shes has a tendency of confiding in me at times and so does he. i just wanna move on but the both of them wont let me but yet nothing i do is right or good enough.

i just found out shes seeing someone else where she is now it makes sense why he wants me again, too bad for him hes never ever going to have me.

Megan - posted on 10/25/2010

The dad is the main problem -as others have said -do you have a custody agreement, can you distance from him or at least make sure his fiance is present when you speak with him? He's your daughter's father so everyone involved needs to just try to get along.

As far as his fiance -well, it's very, very difficult to go through a miscarriage -you can not know unless you have had one. Just try to be understanding that she had a big loss and she probably compares a lot of timelines with your daughter -like, my baby should have been born today, my baby would have been a month old, my baby would have smiled...etc. Just try to be understanding, but it would probably be best to tell your daughter's father that you don't want to be with him but you do want him to be a father to your daughter. He needs to stop trying to get to you!

Chrissy - posted on 10/25/2010

Blessing, first I would put your friends in check. If they are going to continue to let her "spy" on you then I guess they really aren't very good friends.(You can make it to where this certain friend can't see your pictures, you know. If you need help, send me a message and I can walk you through it.) Sorry, but call it like I see it. If you feel threatened by her, maybe you should go to the authorities and deal with it that way. But, I am telling you....it won't stop until they get tired of the games and stop. I agree with Kimi, if you are talking to him and he starts in, just hang up. Keep phone records when he or she has called you or if he just happens to come by and see your daughter, put the time and date. Start keeping records of everything that has to do with them.

Kimi - posted on 10/24/2010

Maybe it would be best to have all communication going through the girlfriend. When you see this man, do not talk to him. If you need to relay information to him about the baby write it down on a piece of paper and hand it to him or her(guy's don't listen to half of the things we say anyway). If he calls you to ask about something hang up as soon as the conversation derails into some other topic. This way all the negativity she feels toward you will go away,she will trust you because there will be no reason not to. She will be your daughters step mom because she's too stupid to leave him. Just give her some time. She's probably just interested in the baby because she's the step mom now, if she want's to call and talk baby than let her. If she expresses anger toward you for it just say, "well YOU are HER step mom so you should be proud of her too!". Maybe that will help her gain a more positive perception.
I know that I am proud of my step daughter, she's the reason I'm waiting to have my own babies(and that's so hard for me) but I couldn't imagine my life without her around.

Blessing - posted on 10/22/2010

thank you for ur support i have tried to keep my distance but its still wrong. as for my profile its private she went to the extend of going through a friend of mine to see it, im starting to think she stalks me

Chrissy - posted on 10/22/2010

Would have to agree with Mandi and Nicole. He sounds like the drama starter, and I would steer clear of what he wants to dish out. And them not wanting you to put pics of YOUR daughter up is ridiculous! You put pics up of your daughter up if you want, no one should tell you no different. Put your profile private, if they are friends, take them off your page, you don't need negative things in you or your daughters life!

MamaTo2 - posted on 10/22/2010

I agree with Mandie, dad is the main problem, wanting whatever he doesn't currently have and throwing what he does have aside. I would keep all contact with either of them to a bare minimum and ONLY about child support, visitations, or other issues concerning your daughter and what needs to be communicated related to her and her well being. SM sounds extremely egocentric to think everything is about her or aimed at her. Putting pics on your FB just to "hurt" her?? Please! You're a proud mother! I personally don't know one single person with children who DOESN'T have their kids' pics on FB. Why WOULDN'T you? Are you supposed to hide your child away because someone else lost theirs? Being sensitive to her pain doesn't mean covering up your own joy at being a parent. But again, I agree with Mandie, I would politely turn down any and all questions or leads to conversations about your daughter with her, unless she's is communicating in the Dad's absence on your daughter's needs, instructions, or concerns to do with visitation.

Mandie - posted on 10/22/2010

To me it seems that the father is the problem here. He is stirring up drama all over the place. I would say she also knows he is a lying, cheating SOB but she has not got to the point of being over him like you have. She is clearly also jealous of both your connection to him and the baby. But the bottom line is, you cnat do anything about it but wait for her to wake up to herself about it. I think you are doing the right thing in being co-operative for your daughter's sake but you dont have to take all this from ewither of them. When it comes to her talking to you about the baby- I would Just say something like"I aprreciate your interest but I do know this is really hard for you so maybe we shouldn't talk about it if it upsets you" that way you are taking the bull by the horns so to speak, and addressing the issues but not being rude or hurtful?