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help. i need advice

Sarah - posted on 10/11/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

2

13

I have 3 kids from my ex husband. and my husband now has 3 from his ex wife and we have 1 together. i treat them all as if they were all mine no matter what. I have a son that is disabled with MCT8 mutation, which means he cant really use his muscles that well and in mentally retarded and so on. my husband also have a son that has a hard time learning. my husband will treat his like a baby like he is still one year old but says that my son is older and dosent need special help or anything. my oldest he treats real good alway playing football with him, going to the store buys him thing etc. his middle child is the happyest child i know if he gets in trouble hes like will i did something wrong and now i got to pay the price. if he gets hurt it dosent bother him. he is always smiling. my yongest son screams when he doesnt get the toy he wants because another sibling is already playing with it and some times he will just take it. he has to go to his room if cought doing it, but if my husbands kid with learning troubles (which by the way the doctor thinks he can catch up if everyone treats him like he is 4 and not one.) does it my husband dosent do anything. our daughter (which is my only daughter from me) is always running around and is almost potty trained andtalks a mile a minute and is a bully to all her brothers, which she has to go to her room for. Now my step daughter is the one i have big problems with. she is 8 and her dad and i have been together she she was 5. she tells me all the time that i am not her mom and she doesnt have to listen to me and that her mom ( that is barely in the picture) is better because she spoills her and hits her brothers and yells at them and has an atitude that her friends dont even like. i am the one that take care of her and the rest of them day in and day out. my husband does non of the disaplining and doesnt make them listen or anything. it takes her forever to do chores or homework unless given a time limit. i dont know what to do please give some advice

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Robin - posted on 10/12/2009

3

4

From my experience with stepkids, it is extremely hard being a step parent. Also, im sure your husband feels somewhat guilty with the kids being from a "split" home. Mine husband did. When the kids are with their mom I know from experience that she is more than likely telling them all kinds of things. "Brain washing" them. EX: She is NOT your mother, you dont have to listen to her. Heard that one a lot!!! Communication with your husband is the key. Not in anger (not saying that that is what you do) Both of you need to sit down with all the kids and let them know that what ever you say is the rule, and what ever dad says is the rule and that both of you are going to back each other up no matter what. Once they see that the two of you can not be played against each other, thing will calm down. It may take a while but they will. Also, remind the kids that you are not their mother a nd you are NOT trying to take the place of their mother. Some step kids feel that that is what we "step parents" are trying to. Just reassure them that you love them and that their mom and dad loves them also. And just because you have a child together doesnt mean that you or dad love them any less. That it just means that you have MORE love to go around for all of them.

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