Help Please

Ashley - posted on 01/22/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Ok I have a 17 year old step daughter that has nothing to do with her mom. I have been in her life for 5 years now. The other day I got a call from her and she is crying and upset and tells me she is pregnant but doesnt want to tell her dad just yet and makes me promise I wont say nothing to him or to anyone else. Well I had to call my own step-mom that is actually like my mom to me and see what to do. Well some how or another some of my step sisters found out and one told my daughter I told my step mom. Now my step daughter is mad at me not talking to me and very short tempered to me. I still have not told dad but its so hard to keep something like this from him. I told the daughter she has till her next dr. appt to tell her dad but I dont know if she will. I really dont know what to do anymore. Please I need some comfort and help.

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Tanya - posted on 01/22/2009

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I think that it does say something that she did call you.  I also understand you needing to look for advice from someone you are close to, I would have as well.  You are at this point keeping your promise and have not told dad, but I agree this would be something I would have trouble with as well.  Dad needs to know and she DOES need to tell him.  That it would easy some of the inital emotion off of her if you told him and let the emotions run there course till he could calm down.  But you know him best.  You also can not cause a riff in your relationship with your husband by keeping such a big seceret from him.  She is of course angry and most likely scared to dead and you are a perfect person to take her emotions out on at the moment. 



I will admit I have not been in this situation but am worried that it could happen at any time.  To tell or not to tell.  What a scary situation to be in.  I know the day I told my parents I was pregnant I was so scared I didn't even know what to say, I was 19.  I looked at my mom and said "Grandma"  she got this look of sheer terror on her face and my dad stocked out of the room.  He didn't talk to me for 6 months.  So I can understand her fear of tell dad. 



Keep talking to her.  Keep explain that you will be there for her and you will try to help her dad deal with this.  Be there with her when she tells him if she needs that.  It will mean a lot more to both of them if she does the telling.  But he needs to know.  Don't let her think she can do this alone or without support.  You know that you will be there for her no matter what, you need to make her understand what she already knows.  Dad will too.  She may be afraid of disappointing him, but like all good parents, we love our children no matter what. 



My daughter is 15 yrs old now and my dad still feels bad for walking away that day.  I understand and try to make him understand I get it now at least and he was there when I did need him and that is all that matters. 



You ARE going to do what is right for your family.  You know them best.  Just keep the lines of communication open.  Be there for her, she will get it in the end.  And you will all get through this.

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