Holiday Visitation Question

Marcella - posted on 11/08/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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With Thanksgiving and Christmas upon us we have a unique situation my husband is gaining custody of his oldest son and his ex wife has custody of the two youngest, Thanksgiving we know the BM will want to take the oldest and have him at her house all day with her family and my husband and I want him with us, Christmas she said she wants the kids Christmas Eve and Christmas day and we pick them up at 5pm on Christmas Day and have them over night, are we fair in saying since she wants the two youngest for both holidays that we have the oldest and when it comes to visitation for Christmas that she gets him at 5pm and has his overnight? I mean with my children we switched off holidays one year I had my daughter for thanksgiving and "dad" had her for christmas and visa versa the next. Any Input?

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Kimi - posted on 11/10/2010

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The kids should all be together for holidays and they should be spilt so you have each holiday every other year. I guess if the kids are old enough it might be their choice but you can make this time special for them even if it's a whole week later.

Tamara - posted on 11/08/2010

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I agree, it's better to switch every other year. We do that with BM. This year she's having our son for xmas eve and xmas and she's letting us get him as soon as he's opened his gifts on christmas morning. THen next year we will switch. If she doesnt have something planned she usually lets us have him, like currently she has let us have him for every thanksgiving since she never does anything. I would say that if you let her have him like she wants you GET IN WRITING WITH A NOTARY an agreement that you will have the kids next year the same as she has them this year. It's only fair. I'd also file a motion with the courts to have that placed in the court order so that she cant renig and if she does you can file a motion against her. Just precautions.

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Natasha - posted on 11/17/2010

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I have two of my children and my ex has our son. This year, my youngest will be going to his for Thanksgiving and I'll be getting my son for Christmas. It's difficult and I understand that you guys want your son there for Thanksgiving but it really is a minor holiday. You have him all year long - you didn't mention other visitations. Maybe relent on Thanksgiving and allow her to have him that day. As for Christmas, I know my visitation papers state the day he gets out of school to 5 PM Christmas Day every other year. So, this doesn't sound like an outrageous request. She could be asking for all week but has simply asked for a day and a half. You and your husband are the only ones that can determine what you are willing to do. I hope it all works out! Good luck!

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I gree with you and the other ladies. It is only fair to split holidays as evenly as possible.



My hubby and I have full custody, but we split holidays by the school year (not the calendar year), so this year our daughter's bm has (or is supposed to have...) Thanksgiving and Easter, while we have Christmas. Next year we will have Thanksgiving and Easter while her bm will have Christmas (plus, all holiday times include the school vacation that goes with it, so when we have Christmas, we keep her for the whole 2 week school vacation and vice versa for bm).



Now that the bm has moved back to our area though (she used to live over 2600 miles away) we are thinking of requesting a split in the actual days (like bm has Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, and we have Christmas night - and then reverse the next year. This would also be the same for Easter, but not Thanksgiving since it's not really a "morning" holiday...). We're still figuring it out, and I KNOW the bm will not agree to that idea, but it's worth asking for at least.



As of right now, we also have it set that on years we don't have our daughter for Christmas, we celebrate Chirstmas on Epiphany (the Cristian holiday where the wise men came to see the baby Jesus - it's in January). So, on years that we have our daughter for Christmas we will have Christmas as usual and only get one present on Epiphany, but on years we don't have her for Christmas, we will celebrate Christmas with our younger kids (my bio kids with my hubby) and then have "Christmas" on Epiphany (funny story, we do this because my hubby's family is Russian Orthodox and so we told our daughter that it was the "Russian Santa" and she's always telling her friends about how she gets 2 santas - the regular one and the Russian one! lol).



I really hope that all made sense... lol

Chrissy - posted on 11/08/2010

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I think that you are right, holiday's should be split and switched every year. I don't feel it's fair that 1 parent can have them on both holiday's and the other parent can have them after they are over. It is not fair for the children or the other parent(s).

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