How come there's nothing I can do about it?

Larissa - posted on 05/22/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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So we had my SDs this past weekend, and within 15 minutes of them being here, out of nowhere the oldest starts telling me about how BMs husband is still being mean to them. (BM kicked her husband out a few months ago because he was being so mean to the kids, then told the kids she was getting a divorce and restraining order from him. Kids felt happy and safe..... for about a week until she let him back in!!!) So I asked SD if she tells mommy abou tit and she says "yeah, mommy tries to talk to him about it, but he doesnt listen, and he's different to us when she's not there". SDs (6 and 7 years old) have told me before that he pushed one into the other, and has pushed them down, but this was before she kicked him out. They say now he just yells at them all the time and gives them "mean eyes". Now, as if that's not sad enough, they tell me that mommy had "Troy Troy" (BMs old boyfriend) over last week while BMs husband was at work. They are not allowed to tell him. They said they will be going fishing with mommy and troy troy soon and spending lot of time with him this summer. So she's cheating (which is what she does) and having her daughters keep her secrets! While sitting in church (6 year old goes to childrens church so she wasnt in there, but 7 year old was) our Pastor was talking about honesty with your spouse, and how you shouldn't put yourself in compromising situations, and shouldn't keep secrets from your spouse.... I was so happy that she was paying attention to this, and kept asking DH questions during church about it. So she knows it's wrong, but kills me that there's nothin we can do to take them out of this situation. What a great judge we had! Letting her keep custody and just saying she had to get a place of her own (lives with her ex step dad, who is trying to sell the house and move away, and she hasnt moved out yet). Now the kids have to go through all this crap!!! Anything anyone can think of that we can do?

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4 Comments

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Rebecca - posted on 01/31/2013

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I noticed you mentioned casa/gal... Are they actually involved in the case or newly appointed? If they are involved with the girls, make sure you explain to the girls that the person (casa worker) is a part of their life to help & that they need to share these things with them. That they need to be open & honest & that every thing they tell that casa worker is a secret. If the children r being manipulated they may believe they will get in trouble if they tell. Help the girls to understand they will not! I know from experience (CASA worker) that it takes a lot for children to open up & trust & guidance from a person that is close to them is very helpful (or harmful in some cases)

Jennifer - posted on 06/21/2012

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I am not sure where you are located, but there are several resources at your disposal (mainly DFCPS) if you feel that those children are being physically or emotionally abused. Also, a counselor for the girls might be in order. Not because therapy fixes everything, but because it might reveal some underlying issues if there is emotional/metal abuse. And if this woman is already manipulating those precious girls, they are most likely going to need someone who is neutral just to talk to so they don't feel like they are all alone. There is always something you can do about the situation, but how far are you willing to go? Many counselors will testify in court hearings. School counselor/teachers will have some resources as well.

Larissa - posted on 05/24/2012

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Thanks for the advise but we are a little burned out on documenting things. We docutmented everything for a year straight, and went to court. Guess who didnt even look twice at it. The judge AND the GAL/CASA! We felt like it was such a waste of time. When the mother is a whore, sorry for the language, how come the judge thinks its ok to leave 2 little girls with her? They are learning from her every single day!!

Penny - posted on 05/23/2012

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Document, document, document. I wish I had some better suggestions.:( We just write the date and what SD tells us when she says things about her mom or family life. If it's any consolation my SD (who lives with her mom and her maternal grandparents) told me her mom meets her 'friends' in hotels. WTH! Why would you tell your kid this?