How do I handle the questions people ask?

Jessica - posted on 02/20/2010

WOW... I have had this happen to me many times but just yesterday this happened to me... My old friend from school seen I had pictures of my sd and she was saying that she didnt know I had a daughter and that she looks just like me.... I just told her yeah I have two kids and that everybody says that she looks like her daddy... some people know that she is not really mine so they dont say anything but for the people that dont really matter I just tell them that she is mine!! I hope this helps!!

Angela - posted on 02/14/2010

I also have a step son who is 16, People who know my age look at me like i'm crazy cause I would of been 14 when he was born, I tend to lie about my age so we don't need to get into it with people. I do not get into personal info with people unless I really need to. I just breeze over the questions most people don't need to know anyway!

Amber - posted on 02/13/2010

I have an 8 year old (step) son. When people ask, I just say oh, I had him when he was 3 or I got him when he was 3. Or, I am his 2nd mom. It's tricky, but I have had 5 years of coming up with clever ways. I recently had a baby and people ask if I planned the huge age difference I just say, well, he is not my biological son. Since you are still a mom, but he didn't come from your genes. Hope this helps.

Sekia - posted on 02/12/2010

I have a step-daughter and a step-son my step-son lives with me when people ask how many children I have i say 4 i do not specify that i have 2 stepchildren and 2 bio children I like you feel they are mine, we do not see my step-daughter much we have a hard time getting along so she limits when she comes over, however my stepson lives with his father and i for the past 8 years i have had people say he smiles like me LOL I just giggle and move on. I see no sense in going to an expanation of him not being my bio son. When people have said they never remembered me being pregnant that soon I state he is my husbands son from a previous marriage i don't call him my step-son hope maybe this helps with an answer to everyones question!!

Kathy - posted on 02/12/2010

i usually just say my daughter and give details wen sm1 really asks! i like the daughter fromm another mother line, though...i'l use it next tym! :)

Leigh Ann - posted on 02/11/2010

I really struggled with that when my daughter was younger. I also hate reffering to her a my step-daughter. When people ask me about her, I say that God sent her to me as a package deal when I met my husband. They seem to catch on.

Heather - posted on 02/10/2010

HI Kareena -
I may be just a bit outspoken, but I would simply tell people to mind their own business. do not respond to the comments that say "when did you have her" and you can even dedlte them. it does not matter that you are not her bio mom.... all that matter is you love her. A family is a family is a family....
hope that helps. have a great day

Deborah - posted on 02/09/2010

She is your Daughter.....from another mother...try not to stress. There are so many people out there these days with steps, me included. It's really ok. As long as you and your daughter are as close as you are then it really shouldn't be a problem. Just tell people and dont make a big thing of it or it will become a problem. Let Love Shine ♥

Rebecca - posted on 02/09/2010

I always say that my stepdaughter is my Bonus child :)

Laura - posted on 02/08/2010

just say she's your stepdaughter, it'll clear up any confusion! I know it's hard it feels like you're passing the buck when you say "stepdaughter" ... I have a stepdaughter, and I feel that way, I want her so much to just be mine, but sometimes I have no choice but to tell people that yes she's my stepdaughter, but I also love her very much! no words or titles can change how you feel about your stepdaughter...its just a name :)

Kenna - posted on 02/06/2010

I am nearly 30 and my step mom still ask me occassionally how I want her to introduce me or if she does introduce me as her daughter she will pull me aside and make sure she didn't step on my toes. I don't call her mom and I have a good relationship with my BM but I am proud and always have been that my SM was and is willing to call me her daughter. Funny thing now is people think my bio son looks just like her! Anyway your SD is old enough to ask and I agree with another mom who posted for you when asked about not remembering you being pregnant and say you weren't BM had her for me! THAT IS GREAT!!! and fun. Stand tall and be proud of what you go and if you ever have any concerns where your SD is concerned, ask her, she will respect you for that and you will get a better response than any of us can give you

Megan - posted on 02/05/2010

Me and my daughter are white and my fiance and his son who live with us are black. I definitly get the eyes staring in a small town that we reside in. But i let ppl think what they want and i dont really care anymore! i call them my kids and that's that....his mother lives like 2000 miles away.

Cassandra - posted on 02/03/2010

I am with you on this, our oldest Mak is bio mine, Lex is bio mine, Hannah is not bio mine but hubbys, and Lea is bio both. All girls ages 10 1/2, 7, 7, and 3, when telling thier ages I get the "oh how cute twins". I just roll with it! Oddly enough they all look like me, it works out. the middle two are 2 mths apart. She knows but Lex don't, very complicated on this end. lol

Lisa - posted on 02/02/2010

Kareena, Just call her your daughter. It would mean alot to her. You have already made a difference in her life by loving her and it seems she has made a difference in yours Kudos to you...:).Besides who cares what others think, they are not paying your bills

Karen - posted on 02/02/2010

I'm very proud to be a stepmom or as Stepdaughter calls me to her friends now a bonus mom. When anyone asks me when I had her. I say in 99, that' when I got married she was 6.. Most then get the idea.. If they don't oh well.

Heidi - posted on 02/01/2010

Even though you love and treat her like a biological daughter, the fact is, she is 'just' your step daughter. I have three step sons, and commonly refer to them as my kids...but when it comes down to it, they truthfully are step kids. That can be a painful thing, or it can be empowering. Everything I do is because I want to! I'm not obligated to do ANYTHING. Does that mean I love them less? Of course not, it means I have MORE love than necessary, because I CHOSE to love them and spend time with them. There's no shame in being a stepparent, NO SHAME in showing how much you love them on myspace and facebook and everywhere else in the world!! One thing I've heard as a stepmom that I love is - My stepsons didn't grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart. :)

Carolynne - posted on 02/01/2010

I am a stepmom and hes 14, I have been around for 9 years. I love him unconditionally, but- it is what it is, I am his stepmom, he refers to me as his stepmom, and calls me by my name. I also have 3 other boys and one of my sons is my husbands stepson, yet he calls my husband Dad, and always has, because his birth father is not in the picture and hasnt been since he was an infant, and my husband has, he knows he is not his father but he loves him as if he was. I agree with the situational changes make all the difference. The questions people ask, are just questions it is what it is, speak the truth, it doesnt mean that shes not your child, it just means that your genes dont match, and sometimes a stepparent- is a "step- up". :0)

Missi - posted on 01/30/2010

I introduce my bonus daughter as my daughter because we've had her since she was really little and the birth mother abandoned her when she was 3 years old. I think it depends on the situation and one answer never fits everyone's unique situation. Unfortunately, there is such a bad stigma around the word "step" but you could also think of it as a "step up!" When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Marie - posted on 01/30/2010

I agree with you Kimberley, the step mom should not introduce her as her daughter, but at the same time if your daughter doesn't tell her dad or step mom how she feels about that then they will think that she is ok with it. If she has told her step mom how she feels and the step mom continues to do it, then she needs to tell her dad and stop worrying about him getting mad at her. He should respect her feelings and appreciate the fact that she is talking to him about it. Whenever I introduce my Step daughter to people I always say this is my step daughter MacKenzie, I would not want to offend her or disrespect her mother that way.I hope everything works out..

Kimberley - posted on 01/30/2010

Well you can always tell people the truth, that she's your husband/boyfriends daughter. The reality is she is not your BD and as for looking like her sibling they do share a father don't they? Putting pics on social networks you leave yourself open for those kinds of questions. I have the opposite problem where my daughters SM introduces her as "her daughter". That's not the case and with her being 14 it pisses her off that she introduces her as "her daughter". I told her to tell her dad so the SM can change how she introduces her but she thinks her dad will get mad at her. I told her it's better to talk to him now than blow up during an introduction in an inappropriate time. But...I can see it coming and she looks nothing like her SM.

Alicia - posted on 01/30/2010

This one is a classic for me. My SS is 8 months younger than my daughter and people always if they are twins and i say no they are 8 months apart, then they ask how did you do that?! I'm like seriously it is possible but no they are step brother and sister. I have no shame in calling him my step son cause in all actuality he is. We have him full time and he calls me mommy but his BM mom (only because we tell him to, or else he'd call her by her name) If you dont feel you have to explain yourself to people then dont just say its your step child and leave it at that. What other people think about it doesnt effect your life be prould. :-D

Marie - posted on 01/30/2010

Just tell the truth, say she is my step daughter but I treat her as if she is my own. If people are saying they don't remember you being pregnant then apparently they haven't stayed in touch with you enough to know that you have a step daughter. It isn't so uncommon these days for people to have combined families. I have never had children of my own, but I just married a wonderful man who has a 8 year old daughter (that I love as if she were mine) so I am still getting used to the Mom role. When she is with us and people say anything about her being my daughter or her Iooks or anything I just say thank you. I know and she knows that I am the Step Mom, there's no need explaining things to people especially strangers. Follow your heart.... Stop stressing over what other people might think,

Megan - posted on 01/29/2010

i am in the same boat as you. when people say my step daughter can pass as mine i remind them that she is mine. there are many mothers out there but just becauseyou have a baby yourself doesn't make you a mommy. you have to give them the true love and attention that they need you have to be there for them no matterwhat the circumstance. i have no kids of my own but i love my 2 stepdaughters very much. one of them calls me mommy the ther one doesn't because she doesn't really know me but i let her and everyone else know everyday that i love her and that i am always there for her. just tell everyone that yes she my be your stepdaughter but in your heart she is your own chid and that you wouldn't have it any other way. i hope this has helped you in some way

Marissa - posted on 01/29/2010

How about : I got her when I married my husband?

Mandie - posted on 01/29/2010

I agree with Michelle, for the most part it's none of other people's business. Blended families are not so uncommon that it's a shocking thing to tell people; but I figure we dont tell most people about other aspects of our private life (like what colour underwear we have on today)so I dont see the difference. However, if you choose to tell others- like Holly and some of the others have said, I refer to all our kids as 'my kids' b/c I dont like the idea of 'isolating' the boys I didnt give birth to. I know BM doesnt like this, but I notice that she states on social networks that she has 5 children (she has 4 kids and 1 ss) so she must agree on some level. But my ss's dont call me mum and I dont refer to myself as their mother. My youngest ss has told me that he wishes I was his mum and that he feels as tho BM is his step mum, which is very sad but it must mean I'm doing some things ok. If people are nosy enough to push it I say the older boys are my hubby's sons but they are all our kids.

Corynn - posted on 01/29/2010

I have a 19 month old "step"daughter also. BM is not in the picture, although I get harassed by her all the time and reminded by her that she was the one who carried her and went through labor, and blah blah blah... When people ask, I just go along with her being my daughter. She looks like me and she is my daughter in every other way except for blood. After my fiancee and I get married, I am adopting her. Everyone from HS knows she is not biologically mine and they know she is BM's cuz we went to the same high school, and BM and I used to be friends. But they also all know about the crap BM pulled and did while she was pregnant and for the first 6 months of my daughters life, so they are always commending me for taking over and everything, so I don't have to explain things to my old friends, which is nice. But people in the store and everyone else in public, she is my daughter. That's all I say. She calls me Mama and knows me as nothing else, doesn't even remember her BM, and at 19 months, she doesn't understand it all, so I don't even try to make things complicated. Do whatever you feel in your heart. When people ask, you could just say she grew in your heart and not your womb but she is your daughter in every other way... :)

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2010

First of all, consider who is asking. If its none of their business, don't answer. When people ask me, I simply tell them that they are my husbands kids. Thats all. They don't need to know the details. If they are close enough to your heart, they will already know. :)

Corey - posted on 01/28/2010

My boyfriend's daughter is turning 8 on Saturday. I am 23. She is tall and thin, I am short and well curvacious. I have straight hair she has wavy hair. People are constantly telling me what a pretty little girl I have. I just smile and say thank you. I have been asked by classmates and such when I had her they don't remember me being pregnant in HS. Just take it with a grain of salt. My step mother has always refered to me as her daughter. Its what you guys feel comfortable with.

Carolyn - posted on 01/28/2010

I have the same problem too. I have two stepchildren (boy and girl) and they kinda look like they could be mine so when people ask me I just say yes they are mine and if somebody was to question it, (only rude strangers) then I explain to them. But most friends know that they are not biologically mine but they are still my kids.

Holly - posted on 01/28/2010

I get that all the time! I was 16 when my daughter was born, but I didn't meet her and her father until I was 20 (she was almost 4 at the time). I always put pictures of all my kids on my Facebook (in an album with her name of course, not "my sd") and I have old high school friends asking me when I had her, or if the majority of my pregnancy was over the summer and I had her right when school started, or (and this is the kicker) why I "hid" her all my high school years and who her father is.



I just tell all of them that she is my step daughter who I raise full time and I love her as my own. I call her my daughter on Facebook (because she actually does look a lot like me and her sisters - my 2 bio kids with her father - also look a lot like her), and I only give people more info if they specifically ask. I hate using the word "step" as well, and sometimes I say she came as a package deal with her father :P, but telling people she's my stepdaughter seems to be so much easier and less confusing to them (especially some of my old high school friends...).



I would say don't sweat it and enjoy your little girl as much as you can! :)

Morgan - posted on 01/28/2010

Personally, I only make the "step" distinction when absolutely necessary. When asked when you had your daughter, you could say,"I didn't. My husband's ex-wife had her for me!" I have 3 children, but didn't have to bear any of them. The ex-wife did it for me; which is about all she seems to be good for. What really matters is what is in your heart. Do you love your daughter unconditionally? Then she is yours. My oldest is 16 now. Though he doesn't call me mom, he is counting the days until he is not forced to have contact with his birth mother. Recently, he had a day off school and would have been with just her and the new baby for the day. I asked,"But don't you want to spend some quality time with your mom?" He said,"Yes, I want to stay home and spend the day HERE with my mom."

Jessica - posted on 01/27/2010

If people are asking for details, such as "I don't remember you being pregnant" just tell them the truth. If the comment just has to do with her looking like you or your other children, just say, "Thank-you" or "I know, they do look so much alike." Don't stress about it!

Pamalla - posted on 01/27/2010

I have an 8 yr old step-son. I didn't really have a plan of action when people asked questions about him.So what I did was i asked him how he wanted to handle it.He wants me to call him my son but he wants me to also say that I'm his "Step"mom, He didn't want to leave out his real mom. He calls me Pam or sometimes Mama Pam. I have been in his life sense he was 2. But we only get him the days that he doesn't have school ( summer, holidays and weekends). I am proud that he excepts me like a mom. I think what you should do Is sit her down and ask her what she thinks. Because if shes ok with you saying shes your step-daughter or just daughter I think that's really what matters.

Rebecca - posted on 01/27/2010

Hi Kareena im a step mum of two boys aged 7 and 10 , I have raised them since they were very young. People always say how my husbands and my daughter looks so different to her big brothers I just say I know arnt they different or if I have to I say they are my step boys but they live with my husband and I .There is no shame in it , tell the truth when you think you should Im a proud step mum and I think all step mums should be respected it is not a easy job!!!