How do you deal w/ step kids that are disrepectful to the dad and step mom???

Valarie - posted on 04/11/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have 2 step kids that used to love to come over and be a big family, but when me and my husband got married his ex-wife turned the kids against us and they only text their dad once a month, and thats when they wan tsomething from him but its not his time they want, it's money... it use to be time.. What can a somewhat careing step-mother should do???

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Valarie - posted on 04/12/2010

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thanks Katie but that would start a huge fight with me and the mother. the kids would hate me more than they already do... just because of the whole other side of their family would and do put carp in their heads and these kids are convienced the mother is GOD and knows everything and tahts no matter what... My husband tried that. We have tried everything. So i was just wondering if there was any other way.... :(

Katie - posted on 04/12/2010

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I agree with Michelle. The ex's always think that it's a battle to try to get back at the other person and in my view it's not. I would sit them down when you get a chance, and tell them to forget what their mother has told them and have them decide for them selves. Do they enjoy being there, or do they enjoy their mom's care instead.

Valarie - posted on 04/12/2010

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thanks like I told michelle this woman is SATIN and we gave the 18 a rebuilt classic car worth 15,000 that me and my husband almost divocred over and still never comes over... he wrecked and go 2 tickets and has only had his license not even a yr. he had the car 2 weeks and it was trashed out... everytime it needs work he calls daddy and I get mad because it's cool that he calls on his dad for help with his car but the fact that, that is the only reason he calls.. I am just goin to stand by my man and take care of my own, I am always trying to help others but in this issue I give up... but thank you for the advice it does do wonders.. :)

Valarie - posted on 04/12/2010

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thanks Michelle, my step kids are 18 and 16 so I really dont think we have any hope. And on top of the step kids I have 3 of my own... Yes it is their mother and actually her whole family is turning them against us and i put a stop to the I wants, i take them shoppin myself and the mother is always I need money for this I need money for that and I got fed up with it once I found out all these years of child support and any other mney she gets goes to an off shore account that supposively noone knows about but I got it out of her ex best friend and the woman I am talkin about is SATIN.. And the kids know that I have never done nothing but give them love and what they want, they are old enough to pay attention and make there own decisions on what they want... i have tried to get it where they come over and done family things but if it's not what they wnat they want to leave and I let them.... I have had it with the kids as well... I have been nothing but nice even when I shouldn't have been... Like you say All I can do is support my husband... It's so bad that my hubsands family lives 5 streets away from the kids and the kids never go by to say hello.... So we only see and talk to them on bdays and xmas because they get stuff... but I didnt get them hardly anything this past x-mas because they go home and dont return til they want something...



The mother of my step kids only gets child support but if my husband misses 1 payment or is late on it she is calling AGO and hounding them to get it asap, it's really BS but what can you do? So in May we will not be paying but for one kid then...



Their mother pawns them on to her sister and her sisters' boyfriend and the kids are all about that guy and it hurts when they text us say so and so this so and so that, it's never dad will you do this with me, we you be here for me... It's really sad that my husband is torn up and if he tries to be a father they think he is bein mean and he is also gettin tired of their rudeness they show towards the family...



but thank you ladies you have made me come to realize I can't do nothing for noone but my husband and they have Joint Custody... and even when we first got together the mother wouldn't give him the kids til I told her she can't by law keep them kids away from my husband and thats basiclly when it all stated... She has tried to get me and my ole man into fights and it dont work my husband knows me and her to well... Like I said in first paragraph she is none as SATIN around this town and I don't understand why everyone is scared of her and I am not.... Not to be hateful but I can't help it when it comes to this devil of a woman... I honestly think she thinks that if any man has been with her they owe her their lives and money like if her naw naw is made of gold or something...



thank you for your thoughts looking forward to hearing more...

Megan - posted on 04/11/2010

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Valarie, I have two step-kids also, 12 and 10. The situation you are in looks like it may be right around the corner for us. My step-son has no problems coming to stay with us and spending time as a family, but my step-daughter is very loyal to her mother (not her fault, of course) and is now trying to get out of spending any time with us. I feel for you and your husband.

I agree with Michelle that your number one concern is to support your husband. And you do have to consciously remind yourself that it is not the kids' fault. And also remember that this situation is hurting them more than you or your husband. It's really terrible to have to watch that, I know.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you are not alone. There is about 200 miles separating us from the kids, so we have considered the possibility that we may have to back off for the time being and wait until SD comes to us, even if that takes years. I hope it doesn't come to that for you.

Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 04/11/2010

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Its unfortunate that your step kids' mother has turned you against you and your husband. Dont you have some kind of custody agreement? And how old are the kids?



I wouldnt give them any money....if they want to live with their mother...then SHE should be responsible for giving them all they need. If he is paying child support, then he really owes nothing more money wise. Its a shame that he has to pay his children just to get a simple hello. As a step mother...there is really nothing you can do except support your husband. This situation angers me....but you have to remember that its not the kids fault...their mother has apparently been feeding them lies and that is just wrong. If you get the chance to talk to them....I would just ask them flat out why they dont like to visit.



Maybe you can arrange a family outing with you, your husband and the kids. Maybe they will begin to enjoy themselves with you guys again. Maybe they need a chance to make up their own minds about you and their dad....instead of hearing it from their mom. This is really a shame.....my sister's boyfriend is in a similar situation....I wish you the best of luck.

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