How does phone calls go when the BM calls?

Penny - posted on 01/19/2012

Rachel-I totally understand what you are saying! Hubby is non custodial parent and it irks him that we pick up SD and a few hours later she spends 30 minutes on the phone with her mom. We don't say anything to SD about it. We always let her know she can call/talk to her mom whenever. But I understand about it being annoying when custodial gets to see her everyday, all day and we get once a month for a weekend or a few days over holidays and BM takes up all that time. Even though it is only 15-30 minutes, it's precious time to us when we get so little.

Rachel - posted on 01/19/2012

Lindzie: My husband is the non custodial parent; he only sees them every other weekend, it's their mother, who sees them every day who is calling during my husbands visitation, if the phone isn't answered due to volume or the wrong time, she harrasses us all day. we do not talk about their mother in their presence so they don't know how we feel; but their mother talks about us, so they know how she feels (their mother has a habit of telling even strangers her personal business) So you are right with children being people pleasers...we hear the negativity from mother out of the kids mouths.

Penny - posted on 01/18/2012

Lindzie-you hit it right on the head with your comment of kids being people pleasers. They are also not dumb and KNOW and FEEL tension and stress from parents!! I wish the BM would realize this and stop her stupid crap. Sighs...

Lindzie Beachy - posted on 01/18/2012

That comment below wasn't aimed at directly you Rachel, just in general per the guidelines. Most children should want to talk to their other parent with out the one parent judging. In fact, my counselor told me that children are People Pleasers, they want to please the parent they are currently with at the time the phone call comes in. If your child knows "there is tension" between feuding parents (step parents as well), then the child will do what they think the parent wants "which is NOT to talk to the other parent." Kids are very smart they know whats going on.

Lindzie Beachy - posted on 01/18/2012

@Rachel i think children should be able to talk freely with out interuptions to their child daily. The main parent that the child lives with gets to see their child everyday, however, the non custodial parent does not, so maybe a few minute phone conversation wont hurt them.

Rachel - posted on 01/18/2012

Penny, it is so irritating. My husband got on the phone with her last time (mistake) and all she did was yell at him. She is unreasonable. The thing is, the kids don't want to talk to her! They have actually said, "we see her all the time" or "we see her later today, why do I have to talk to her?"

Penny - posted on 01/17/2012

Rachel-your BM sounds like mine!! The first time SD ever came to our place BM called 12x in a span of 4 days! We were doing stuff and missed most of the calls then ended turning off our phone it was getting psycho like once an hour on the hour. The only time we answered the phone was during the scheduled time on which she went on a crazy rant and called back after SD ended the call after a few minutes (on which we answered and she didn't like it when SD said she was busy playing and didn't want to come back to the phone). She promptly emailed us and said we were keeping SD away from her and lying about SD not wanting to come to the phone.

Penny - posted on 01/17/2012

Does SD live with you guys or mom? SD doesn't live with us. We live 8 hours away so you can imagine our time with her is very limited. Our court order says whoever has SD on the designated phone contact day has to allow her to talk to the other parent at the time. When we talk to SD she told us BM only allows her ten minutes max then she always has to say she wants to go. If we talk about things BM doesn't want us knowing she used to hang up the phone. BM even admitted to video record SD while talking to us on the phone (on speakerphone) before-she's crazy, but I digress! When BM calls SD with us we let her talk as long as she wants and BM DRAGS out calls to 30 minutes sometimes. I've been in the kitchen while SD is in the living room and the calls are so ridiculous and pointless. It's like she's trying to say 'look, I can get SD to talk to me for all this time and you can hardly get 10 minutes.' I know it's hard for kids to feel stuck in the middle and unfortunately they can always feel the parents stress and anxiety. Transitions are hard for them too.. I always tell myself when SD gets upset after calls with BM. By the way.. it's okay to rant!!;)

Rachel - posted on 01/15/2012

My step kids don't live with us, they spend 2 nights every other week, mom calls both days. But likes to call at the wrong time and make it our fault when the phone is not answered (she calls from a blocked phone even though we have her phone number to call her). She doesn't let the kids talk, then tells others that the kids are afraid to talk because of dad; even though we don't listen to their talks; they are not even in the same room. The kids don't like to talk to her but we are forced to let her talk to them. No one understands why she needs to talk to them every day, not even the kids. But when they don't want to talk, she goes to court saying we are keeping the kids from her.