Bobbie - posted on 01/20/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )
I have been married to my husband just over two years now, we have been together for almost 3 years total. I have known him almost 20 as my dad's friends' son. I have always adored him and loved him like he was a member of the family and he always treated me with the utmost kindness and respect. Six month after we were married in late September of 2007, his ex wife of a whole whopping year and a half moved back to Washington State where we live, from Missouri. He has two beautiful daughters with her a ten year old, and a 12 year old. She didn't know that he had been remarried or even that he was involved with someone. She first noticed when in October of 2007 she went into his online Sprint account and noticed another add a line. I don't know why she was on there as she has an add a line account on his phone plan and doesn't contribute anything to the bill, why would she need to snoop? Anyways she interrogated him and found out he was involved and he wouldn't tell her anything! She was trying to get back with him as her parents whom she lived with were losing their home in Missouri and she wasn't going to be able to live off her $600.00 a month child support and her parents forever. I overheard her tell him it's more important for the kids to have a place to live than you to have a girlfriend. She was pissed and posed as one of his kids and sent me a text message begging for a picture of me through picture mail on the cell phone so I sent one under the impression it was the kids. Thanks giving day his 12 year old calls her dad up just to tell him something funny her mother said, "Uh yeah hey dad mom says your new girlfriend looks like a 12 year old!"
I thought how rude, using the children to find things out about us, making fun of our age differences, him being 45 now and me being 23. Not just that her not being able to get over the fact that he moved on ten years after their divorce, and was remarried and said nothing of it to her because she was not in the picture and has no business in our marital affairs!
Since then it has been nothing but hateful stabs from her using the children, triangulating them. She has desensitized them, with her screaming and being so over-reactive, and they are like pawns and so easily manipulated by her. It is really sad when the 12 year old comes to visit she has to go through a cooling down faze where she warms up to the environment. She comes here after listening to her mother's hateful rants and all the slandering her mother does to me behind my back and she goes through an acting out faze where she tries to repeat every nasty thing her mother says but tries to put it into her own words as if it's coming from her. I can by the way some of the things she says are really stretched and distorted and out of context! After a day or two I think she realizes I'm not all the horrible things her mother says and then she realizes we can be friends and have a loving relationship.
The ten year old goes through a similar faze where when she goes to spend the weekend with her she comes home with a terrible chip on her shoulder, and I'm the enemy and some messed up mental degenerate, and she goes through a very emotional few days afterward! She screams and cries hysterically and says horrible hateful things she's heard her mother say i front of her. I've heard all kinds of crap one time she misappropriated their child support and back to school clothes money bonus we give her annually and sent them to our house with a huge shopping list so I took them shopping as I had just established credit and had it to use, so I bought the children a bunch of nice outfits and shoes and school stuff. I spent about $200.00 on the girls and when they went home they said nice things about me to their mother and she got jealous and slandered me and the next weekend when we picked them up we couldn't even make it out of the kids grandparents drive way or to the end of the street and his 12 year old started repeating everything nasty miss piggy had to say, such as she's not your mom she never will be she's like a friend or your father's other daughter and those were just gifts but they were all really cheap and crappy and how they hate sears, and JcPennies and how their father has a hole in his pants!! I asked her what she meant by that and little miss smart mouth said I know what it means do you? With her arms all folded and a smart butt smirk on her face! It was all really hurtful, it was crap being put in the middle of her failed marriage where as she was not part of it all when we courted or were married and this was not part of it all!
I had a wonderful marriage before she came into the picture, and when I was told his children would be moving into the same state and she wanted him to take them for two weeks while she moved in I welcomed them with open arms and bought them welcome gift bags with everything they could have needed, I cooked for them, and cleaned up after them and made sure they were comfortable. I did everything I possibly could have and still she had to drag them into her insecurity and disappointment in her failed marriage and her inability to deal with life.
I've worked hard these past two year or just under 2 years and we now have the 10year old living with us and she understands that I'm not this horrible monster her mother says I am and she we have a decent relationship. It's been difficult trying to undue all the damage their biological mother has done to this initial relationship between them, and me, and her.
I still struggle and I don't think I have gotten through to the 12 year old, she says things that are really hurtful still and tries to drive a wedge between her father and me and tells him whiney stories about her mother and how hard she is trying and delivers him messages saying things like she says she was sorry she was immature and did things to you a long time ago, she still loves you and blah blah blah! I have been in fights with her and she tries to twist the situation around and say I'm the one that's insecure and that she doesn't want anything to do with my husband runs him down in front of the kids calling him names like retard, when he's supported her for the past 13 year while she's worked a whopping 6 months before getting terminated or laid off! I can't seem to get the point a crossed to the older of the two children that she says these things in spite or jealousy. The big one retaliates and says oh she's not jealous believe me and starts laughing rudely. I know she's a mommy's girl and can't wrap her immature little mind around what her mother is doing, but how do I get the point a crossed to her???