How to deal with ss who doesn't want to listen.

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

My ss is 11, a wonderful kid in many ways and I love him like he's my own. His dad has full custody, so he's with us all the time (thankfully. BM is crazy) Lately my ss will do nothing I ask. Yesterday I asked him to do the dishes and straighten up the mess he made downstairs. (He's home alone in the mornings until school starts). He didn't do either thing, even though he had 5 hours to do them before his grandparents came to get him. I didn't say anything last night when I got home because I didn't want to blow up. (it took me 10 minutes to unload and load the dishwasher) I told his dad this morning and he talked to him about it and now, when he doesn't listen to me, I get to decide the punishment. I don't want to be the "evil step-mother" (I do know he loves me a lot) but I don't want to have to tell his dad when I need something done so he will tell his son, which is the only way things get done lately. He knows I'm not trying to replace his mother (who's been out of the picture except for the occational visit for the past 6 years) and that all I want is respect, which I'll give in return. I'm advocating for him to get more privilages from his dad (riding his bike further to find more friends, going to the nearby gas station by himself to buy a soda if he wants) so it isn't like I'm against the kid. I want more for him, but expect something in return. How do I deal with this? His dad has been really lax on chores up to this point but told me he acknowledges that and chores are going to become a constant (all said prior to this past problem). Help!

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Betty - posted on 08/27/2009

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Have a talk with him and ask him what chores he will be willing to do. He might surprise you if he gets to decide what he is responsible for. If he has a cell phone than take it from him if he starts to slack off. Also, ask him to do chores while you are home with him. Kids naturally procrastinate when they are left alone. You could say something like, "after you get the dishes done I'll go get you a slurpee". Always offer something in return if you want to avoid looking like a bossy mean step mom. I bribe my SD with candy all the time and she becomes my little puppet. All's well that ends well, right?

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