Husband's family

Diane - posted on 11/14/2008

The mother does not want us to have ANY visitation and definitely not custody. She refuses to speak to us. Originally when this all turned sour she said she would have her lawyer draw up paper for us to have visitation then she backed down and won't answer phone calls or messages on myspace. I still believe his parents are behind all this since she was completely kosher until we moved. The move did not affect her at all but it did take a second grandbaby away from them so that's why I think they are behind it. We thought about having paper drawn up stating exactly what we want ultimately but she's been through custody battles with 2 other men so I know she knows how all the paperwork reads. At first we hoped to fool her into signing them, but I know that won't go over on her.

So right now our hold up is money since we know everything will be contested. And on top of that she has never filed for child support (we we sending money after tax returns every year) and I know she will file once we open any kind of court issue which just means more money we don't exactly have.

Julie - posted on 11/14/2008

you know what i would do is have the lawyer draw up papers, joint custody to fool the mother which state that you have residential custody, and include vistation in them for the mother and grandparents. you dont have to give them much, a saturday a month and two weeks in the summer or something. so maybe they will be more apt to believe you want them to see her still. and include telephone priveleges for the grandparents restrict to once a week and holidays or soemthing. you can put damn near anything in those papers if the grandparents have no rights in your state. and once its signed by a judge they have to abide by it becuase its court ordered. the counter is that you have to give them that phone call and visitation thats stated. but if it makes them more willing to help instead of fight you with your custody battle. then maybe its worth a try. there are some websites were you could make your own papers and then have them notorized. if you cant afford the attorney. i uh didnt find these until after we had spent the money. what does the mother think about all of this? does she want to give you the child or what? becuase in the end its your husband and she who have to battle.



http://www.ilrg.com/forms/childcustody.h... is a basic outline. you can copy and paste it into a word document. you can always reword and change it. but first you need to find out what the mother is willing to do and then file a petition with the court.

Julie - posted on 11/14/2008

we filed in february and it got settled in april of that year. so not that long for the visitation. our attorney said that we had to have set visitation on file before we could go for custody. then the following april we filed for custody and got joint in june.

Diane - posted on 11/14/2008

Grandparent's have no rights but the fact that she stays with them so much (almost every night while her mom works, and many, many weekends) is a strike against us in trying to get custody. According to our lawyer, the more attachments she has near where she lives is a great thing. I know that attachments are a critical thing in development, but they are not good people nor are they in the financial shape or health to take care of a child.

Before we moved my inlaws were all for us getting her, or so they said. I believe they were telling us one thing and the mother another to keep us at odds b/c then they could control the situation. But now that we live closer to my parents instead of them and we have another baby I think they are afraid of losing her. So they are kind of playing a "you have a new child so we'll keep the old" game. When we were still talking to them they would ALWAYS want her to come home before the scheduled date b/c they missed her. It didn't matter that we saw her less than them (the grandparents!). Their excuse would always be "but she's our granddaughter!" then my husband would counter with "she's my DAUGHTER".

Oh, and on top of that when we had her they would call and get her so upset about them missing her and asking repeatedly if she missed them that she would begin crying uncontrollably and not eat or sleep.

In our book, it's all about the child, in their's it's all about what makes them feel good. And apparently a 2 yo crying her eyes out makes them feel loved. I don't understand some people!!

Can I possibly ask how long it took to get everything settled once you saved the money??

Julie - posted on 11/14/2008

well the big thing is do grandparents have rights in your state? I live in IL and they dont have rights and that is how we were able to get my stepdaughter from my husbands parents. it was a complicated thing. we lived an hour away so i could go to college and her mother had given her to her mother, but the maternal grandmother was in horrible health so my inlaws had her every other weekend and three or four days during each week. they did not want us to get visitation or anything. it took me two years to get enough money and then we went for visitation. and then the next year custody. we settled for joint custody with the mother because she had straightened up her life. But now it is a struggle because our daughter has such tight bonds with her grandparents that she feels abandoned by them. so follow your attorneys advice and get it done now before she is super attached.