I am getting a tattoo with my kids names on it, do I include my step daughters name as well?

Jade - posted on 10/18/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I am getting a tattoo with my kids names on it, my step daughter wants to be on it as well and i just don't know whether to put her on it or not. I love her, and she me, but haven't had much chance to become really really close to her. I know she just wants to feel included and loved and if i don't put her name on it she might feel rejected. What do i do???

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Kristen - posted on 10/23/2009

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After reading some of the responses, I have to voice my opinion about something ... ok, when you got married, you knew there were other children involved. Now that you are married, they become your children as well. Now, if something does happen to change between you and your spouse, who are you divorcing? Only the husband, not the children. Putting their names/initials on your skin tells them that you love them as if they were yours biologically and even a divorce isn't going to change that. I know that even if my husband and I were to split, his son will ALWAYS be my son. I would never leave him behind. The more love they feel, the better off they are. SO, why punish the children for mistakes between the parents?

Kristen - posted on 10/23/2009

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Put her name on it too. I would. My son's stepmom put his name on her tattoo with the rest of her kids and I am doing the same with my stepson. All that matters is that you love her. If you don't look at her as your kid, I don't recommend it. But if you see her as your girl too, then more power too it.

Mariah - posted on 10/22/2009

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This is a hard one. What if your marriage or relationship ends? Then when someone asks about your tattoo, you'd have to explain her name, it might be uncomfortable. I personally wouldn't. I designed a tattoo (which I'll get when I have the money). It won't have my son's names in full. DH currently has a tattoo of his daughter's name, we haven't had the money for him to get our son's. It bothers me. So, I'd probably add a larger flower and tell her that it's her.



Maybe you could do that, incorporate some flower or symbol or design in your tattoo that you could call hers, but it wouldn't be as obvious as a name. It might cause problems if she questions why you had your kids names put on, and not hers though. This is so hard, and quite unfair. I don't think SMs should feel obligated to add their SKs names to tattoos. And they shouldn't feel like they have to not get one of their own kids to spare feelings either.



I'd go to the artist and ask them for advice, I'm sure they have had other people in similar situations, maybe they have design ideas that would work.

Jennifer - posted on 10/22/2009

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also my daughter and I have the same tattoo on the same shoulder and everything besides my just having her initials. I love my kids, all 4 of them and I have always said I have 4 kids. Thats just my thoughts and thats the way I was raised. If their father and I seperate or divorce they are still my kids no matter what, and about adking the other parent who cares what she thinks its your body to do what you want with it and its not her place to tell you what you can and can't get on it expecially if you help raise them. as for me my kids lived with us the entire time till they moved out. hope this helps.

Jennifer - posted on 10/22/2009

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I have a tattoo with my childrens initals in it, @ of my children are my step and I have raised them since they were 1 and 2 yrs old though.. They are not 16 and 17 yrs old so I would deffinatly say yes, you are their family blood or not.

Jaime - posted on 10/22/2009

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I decided not to include my SS in my tattoo representing my children. I chose 3 shamrocks with my girls initials in the centres. This represents my 3 bio children who will always be a part of me. I didn't include my SS because he is just that my "step" son, it doesn't mean I would love him any less or wish he was more apart of our family. But I thought this is a special symbol for me, and I am sure to his BM it would be a special symbol for her to get if she chose to. My husband also has a tattoo with all of our children included.

Bridget - posted on 10/21/2009

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I had the same dilemma. We had a tattoo party a couple weeks ago, and I wanted a butterfly tattoo with both my boys names on each side, but I wasn't going to put my step-daughters name for the simple fact that I cannot predict what will happen between my husband and me. I ended up not getting any names, just the tattoo.

[deleted account]

I have a 2yr old SS & I love him with all my heart & I treat & see him as my own. So for me I would definitely have his name on me. Even if for some unforeseeable reason his father & I divorced I will always see him as my son & I would never regret having him a part of my life forever. As for asking the bio mom I don't know about that personally I think its a personal choice for your body & the only one you need to ask permission from is urself. I know if I asked his bio mom she wouldn't allow it but its not for her its for me & she does not define my relationship with her son. I give that sweet child the world & he loves me as I love him. I wish I could have a good relationship with his Bio mom but unfortunately we are not all that lucky.I work very hard & try my best but I can't do it on my own. One day maybe she will accept it but for now I know where I stand with him & where he stands with me & I would not think twice about having his name tattooed on my body. But as I said before its a personal choice & I'm very confident in my relationship with my SS.

Shannon - posted on 10/20/2009

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I have been with my husband for 11 years. My SD will be 11 next month. And my hubby and I have an 8 year old son together.

A few years ago I got my son's name on my left wrist. My SD felt left out, wanted to know why her name wasnt on the other wrist. I told her that my next tattoo she can pick something out that would be just about her.

I felt guilty. I have been suh a big part of her life for so long, it wasnt right I left her out like that. I tell everyone I have 2 kids. One was birthed under my heart and one was birthed in my heart.

So I asked my SD's mother if it was ok of I put her daughters name on me and she said it was fine. I wanted permission before I did it.

So a few months ago. I put my SD's name on my right write. And she was so happy.

It is your call. Wether you put your stepkids names on your body. If your not ready too, then dont. You could always add to it later. I would get permission from the mother first. Make sure its ok with her.

[deleted account]

maybe instead of getting names you could get symbols like stars or flowers to represent your children then yes I would add your step daughter but I don't think I would add her name unless you speak with her father and natural mother...

Candice - posted on 10/19/2009

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If you have to ask this question than I don't think you should, atleast not yet, I would add it later when you have no doubt about it. I also have a step daughter and had the same problem.

Dailey - posted on 10/19/2009

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If you are having any vines, lines, etc you could always work her name, dob, etc into that. It's amazing what they can hide in a vine. Then it would be there but not be obvious.

Carol - posted on 10/19/2009

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She is a part of your family now. You should dicuse it with her. But if she wants to be on it and they can't all be on it for what ever reson, such as you don't feel confortable with it, do you really have to get one. Is a tattoo really worth hurting her over. If you said yes you already know the answer. To let you know I do have step children and they can be really hurt by things like this especially girls. When they are older they will understand but for now it could cause a problem. So think long and hard. If my sons step mom wanted to get there names tatooed I would not mind because her involvment with my son's growing up is very important. But I would think it was respectful of her to talk to me about first. Maybe if you decide to do it you could have her name put on a differant small tattoo just for step children.

Carrie - posted on 10/19/2009

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As far as me at this point in my marriage and with my stepkids who have done everything they could to break me and their dad up I would never. As some people have said I think you need to look at the stability of your marriage. I would never put my husbands name on my skin, and he wouldn't as well. Maybe talk with your husband see what he thinks. I'm getting a tattoo as well and I am not putting m y step kids on their. I also don't think my stepkids mom's would like it either.

[deleted account]

Instead of names I'm getting little butterflies. I'm getting a larger pink one (for my oldest - my sd - who's 7) and two smaller ones in purple and yellow for my two bio kids (who are 2 and 8 months). I am adding them to the tatoo I already have on my lower stomach of two butterflies (one on either side of my hips - one for me, purple and blue, and one for my hubby, orange and red). they are connected with intertwining leaves and vines and I am having our baby butterflies put in and around the vines. To represent the time our oldest had with just her dad before we met, I am putting her butterfly more on his side and the other two more in the middle. I am also letting my daughter choose the wings she wants (I get my wings from Amy Brown fairy pictures) and I might also let her choose the wings for her little sisters too.



In the end, I decided not to do names (my reasonsing is because when my hubby and I get intimate, does he want to see the names of our kids? not really...) and I love butterflies (they are my spiritual symbol and have been for almost 6 years now). I decided to put one on there for my oldest daughter because I do think of her as one of mine. She lives with us full time and her bm is really not involved, so I feel that she is one of my daughters and should be included.



If you decide to not add your sd's name now, you could always add her on later when you get closer though! Also, I really wouldn't care what her bm thinks. In the end, a tattoo is how YOU feel, now anyone else. Of course I would feel odd if someone else had a tattoo of my kid's names, but in the end it doesn't really change my love for them, so why should it matter? Besides, I don't intend to let my hubby get away from me... :P



In the end, you need to d what YOU want. It is your body, no one else's and you are the one that has to live with whatever you get forever.

Jade - posted on 10/18/2009

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Thanks for all ur advice, I haven't really had alot of time with her and i'd like some more time and see how things are then, i can always add her name later. Should I consider her bio mums feelings in this? What if she's not happy with it? i know if someone wanted my kids names on them i would feel funny about that depending on who they were. Should I find out what she thinks first or just do what i want'?

Tara - posted on 10/18/2009

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i have two stepkids, and would honestly never put their names on me. i love them and all but my daughter is actually MY daughter. and yeah they might be a lil miffed at first, but they'll understand too-at least when they get a little older, and younger kids won't remember in time anyways. it just depends on how close you feel with her i guess.

Tootie - posted on 10/18/2009

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i was having this exact same problem and it took alot of thought behind my decision.

How long have the two of you been in each others lifes, are you married to her father and ect.

i chose to get her name whenever i get the tattoo. her father and i have been married for 7yrs together 11. she's been with me sence she turned 1 so it was alot of thought.

an idea someone gave me..

get her birthday instead of names or do nick names OR if there is a character that she likes get that. she'll know that it represents her.

i hope it helps but think about it hard because it's permenant...is the relationship permenant?

Kayla - posted on 10/18/2009

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My other half and I have been together for almost 5 years. If I were getting a tattoo for my daughter I would include my stepdaughter on it as well. It is personal choice though. She may feel somewhat rejected if you don't but in time she will understand too. Like I said, I would for me right now, but what you do for you has to be specific to your circumstances. :) Good luck with your choice!

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