I am just so fed up......(venting)

Manda - posted on 07/17/2009

I get the same kind of drama all the time with BM, we had to take her to court because she "didn't want SD coming over anymore" It has been a rough 6 years with her and I just wish she would accept things and get over it. She always flips out, talks bad about me and my husband on blogs just to get comments (immature!) and she texts him telling him hes a horrible dad when he clearly is not. It frustrates me to no end and I try to ignore it esp for the sake of SD but its hard.

I feel you, stay strong, look the other way and ignore what she says, just focus all your anger into love and attention for your SK

Kim - posted on 07/09/2009

Quoting Tee:

Thanks guys. I have to also admit that he not only pays child support (a huge amount) we also have the kids half of the time. Lately, we have had the kids all the time. We have to buy them clothes while they are with us because she doesn't send them to our house with any. We have to always go above and beyond. For once I wish he would just let her step up and be a mother to these children especially since she is the so called primary parent. She has to learn to figure out how to solve life's problem without calling him to help her. He has to also learn how to let her figure out how to solve problems without him. They both are at fault and frankly I am just a little frustrated and don't know what do anymore.......

There is a court date pending on July 17, 2009. I will keep you guys updated on how it turns out. He had to file against her because she won't follow the Court Order or the agreement that they had between the two of them. She is just out of control. We just had a child so he is also filing to adjust the child support as well. This is sooo tiring....

I do appreciate all your thoughts. It has helped me feel better about everything but I am still a little tire of everything.

And...if you aren't already, document all of this and save receipts.  Document phone calls and what happend on the calls, any conversation you have with her where she gets out of control, especially in front of the kids.  It will help you on your day in court!  Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 07/09/2009

You are definitely not alone. I feel like it was me writing that. All you are doing is putting into words what so many of us feel. In the end though, it is all about the kids. All you can do is love them and treat them as your own. Nothing else matters. Be glad to have them whether its his day or not. Cherish that time with him an know that they see it. they will know that you love them and they will know that you have their best interest in mind.

Believe me, my husband's ex is extremely vindictive and her family is even worse. Every time my husband gets a job they find a way to get him fired. Making $12 an hour, he is expected to pay $818 a month... and that is the most he has ever made. Luckily, I'm the bread-winner. We are still in addition to that expected to pay half of his expenses and provide a complete individual living environment for him at our house.

It never seems fair, but I just keep in mind that one day, he will grow up and he will know what his mom put his dad through... and he will know that his dad fought tooth and nail to be his daddy.

Hang in there. That is why we are here!! Vent all you need to. We are your support!!

Amber - posted on 07/09/2009

I squashed that so hard! My fiancee and I have been together for only 2 years. Seems like longer. His two boys came for the summer last June and the oldest opted to stay with us. I had a bit of a yelling match with the ex at the end of the summer because she kept threatening to take the oldest too.
When I settled down I realized that she will be who she is. Even if there's nothing to be jealous of (everyone has their hardships) she's going to compare herself to us. She's going to be mean sometimes because their relationship didn't work and he's part of the reason.
The bottom line is: We live together, I love him and I love the kids. If she takes advantage of his time, money and effort she's also taking advantage of mine. That's unacceptable. I'm the chick he needs to please these days.
I told him "GET YOUR NUTS BACK!" It hurt his feelings, but he tried it my way.
At first she felt like I was speaking through him, so she made my fiancee only talk to her husband. Then she felt left out :-) so she stopped that. Then we all sat down together and have been fine since. I still have to vent about how they think and act - often competitive and comparing their lives to ours - but it is quite civil.

I wanted to run away too. The most important thing I wanted to say to you is that when she takes advantage of him, she takes advantage of you and he may not see it that way until you say it that way.

Tina - posted on 07/09/2009

I have been in your situation, somewhat. We have custody of the girls, but she still would borrow money and things like that. My husband felt sorry for her and would help her out. My advise, Julie is right about the counseling. Every one needs to vent too. Dont worry your hubby will see through it all one day. Mine did. I would let him know how you feel and that it should be your decision to make also as a family. If both of you decide to give money or not. I have even went as far as to let the BM live in my house for two weeks. No, wasnt easy, and I really wish I had someone to vent to back then. But, the good point is that the girls seen than my husband and I had a good heart and that we would help anyone out if they need help. And when we stopped helping, they seen that she was taking advantage of us and that we were still the good guys. Hang in there, and most important, talk to hubby.

Tee - posted on 07/08/2009

Thanks Julie. You are absolutely right! This is what we need. I think I am going to take your advice. Thanks so much!

Julie - posted on 07/08/2009

Oh honey, I understand your position. It is Hell!! I have similar trouble with my hubby and his ex. She lost complete custody of her son and she blames me. My husband never married her after she got pregnant with their son and she hates the fact that he and I are married and now expecting our daughter in a couple months.

My hubby used to do whatever she wanted. She would tell him to give her extra money if he wanted to see his son. It was awful. I showed him that he had rights too. Needless to say after a year of a hellish custody battle we won custody of him. I had to make my hubby go to counseling for this transition and the therapist told him point blank to "grow some balls with your ex and remember that your wife is the only one you should be listening to." Ever since then my hubby hasn't taken any of her crap, which she hates.My advise is #1, go to a therapist for blended families. where you can express your concerns as a stepmom and wife and your role in this. #2. Go away for a couple days to clear your head and get some perspective from what the therapist tells you two.

Tee - posted on 07/08/2009

Thanks guys. I have to also admit that he not only pays child support (a huge amount) we also have the kids half of the time. Lately, we have had the kids all the time. We have to buy them clothes while they are with us because she doesn't send them to our house with any. We have to always go above and beyond. For once I wish he would just let her step up and be a mother to these children especially since she is the so called primary parent. She has to learn to figure out how to solve life's problem without calling him to help her. He has to also learn how to let her figure out how to solve problems without him. They both are at fault and frankly I am just a little frustrated and don't know what do anymore.......



There is a court date pending on July 17, 2009. I will keep you guys updated on how it turns out. He had to file against her because she won't follow the Court Order or the agreement that they had between the two of them. She is just out of control. We just had a child so he is also filing to adjust the child support as well. This is sooo tiring....



I do appreciate all your thoughts. It has helped me feel better about everything but I am still a little tire of everything.

Gayle - posted on 07/08/2009

Vent away, get it all out your system! I find that ranting and calling her all sorts of unsuitable names, the viler the better in private, means that I can then greet my SS with open arms and a big smile. My partner tries so hard to be there for his son and I want to help him anyway I can. I would not be happy if he was doing DIY for her, fixing her computer, filling up her gas tank or anything else not directly involving their son(as we live hundreds of miles away that bit is easy), but buying him clothes, books and toys and especially loving him, making sure he has what my two have is easier. I know it's hard but as Amanda says you are not alone. So you go girl! Have a good storm now, cos it helps to get it all out first and then talk calmly to your husband about how you feel. I hope things improve for you.

Sharita - posted on 07/07/2009

my husband and i put up with a lot of crap. we pay some child support but also make sure they have everything they need for both sides, with us and bm. he is doing it for the kids and not her. trying not to make waves. so many people told my husband "let her take care of it, she needs to work and take care of her kids, keep all the stuff you buy at your houst" but if he did that, they would go to school from her house in worn, torn, il-fitted clothing, they would have nothing to play with, they would suffer. so we go over and beyond for the kids, not her, that is what your husband probably feels too, he doesnt want to help HER, his kids.

Amanda - posted on 07/07/2009

Never feel like you are alone! I know exactly how you feel and it is so hard. It never gets easier dealing with her either because as long as the kids are in your life so is she and all her drama. Have you tried sitting your husband down and discussing how it bothers you and that YOU are the only woman in his life he should be doing favors for now? Some people may think that sounds selfish, but when my husband was getting out of our bed at 6 am to fill his ex wife's gas tank because she ran out of gas I got past looking selfish. There comes a point when YOU have to come first. She may be the mother of his children, but you are the woman he wants to spend his life with. She will just have to learn to solve her own problems for once. Good luck to you. It was a hard subject to discuss at first but now that he knows how this makes me feel we don't argue about her anymore.