Heather - posted on 02/04/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )
Ok so i posted part of this as a response and realized that I needed advice so anything is welcome. My case: When my husband and I first got together my step son didn't do his home work, screamed at people because he had no respect because he was never taught it ( which is just as much my husbands fault as his mothers), was to shy to do anything, told his father what to do, and back talked. When I started dating his father we had a huge talk about how I would not allow any child of mine, step or bio, to act like this. It honestly was a wake up call for someone from the outside to say something. My SS now says yes sir no sir please and thank you, his grades are all 96% and above, is involved in football, basketball, soon to be tennis, boyscouts, and church two times a week...and he loves it and it has made him blossom. He is such an out going child now. His mom when we told her that he was doing sports told us she wouldn't only let him play on her weekends if we came and got him and brought him back because her husband wanted nothing to do with us and knew that we would be there. She has told my husband mutiple times that I have no right to have anything to do with her son, yet she never does anything with him. I (not my husband, not his mom) go to parent teacher conferences, meet your teacher, I help with boyscouts. I'm am actually baking 12 dozen cookies right now for the PTO bake sale and volunteering four hours of my saturday to help run it. I eat lunch with him every friday, every week he has a note in his school folder from me telling him how proud I am and how much he has grown up. The nurse calls me before she calls his mom or dad because HE asks them to. When something is wrong he waits till his dad leaves for work and crawls up on my lap and cries and talks to me. I take him out of school occasionally and we have a stepson - stepmom day and hang out and catch a movie and lunch (his pick). He called me mom for the longest time but his bio told him that I would get mad and leave so he got scared and quit. But she says I am the bad person and I have no right to discipline him or have anything to do with him. It is somehow my fault when she doesn't know about things. I used to text her and send letters to her house on her weekends but she got ticked off one time and said she would no longer "deal" with me. Why is it that I am so involved and get the $hit end of the stick? I tried really hard to get along with her but al she does is cause problems. His mom does everything she can to split us up. She calls the bio her daughter and the bio currently lives with her(we don't speak to his mother), which causes problems not only because of the obvious, but it confuses my step son. She has had at least 10 live in boyfriends since my husband and I met. She was married in July of last year and divorced by October. My stepson wasn't allowed to say good bye to his stepdad (She had us come get him) and he has cried mutiple times about it. She is a good person (i guess, she'll do anything for anyone no matter how it effects her son)just a very crappy mother. He knows that I love him like my own(my husband and I have a 2 1/2 year old and we treat them the same according to their ages) I don't have a problem with him it's his mom. We keep a journal but it's really nothing that we can take her to court over it's just things to annoy us. Guess I'm just looking for support and if anyone has anything to say.