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I have came across a bump in the road :(

Sonya - posted on 05/23/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

Bio-Mom is back in kiddos lives but don't get me wrong guys I love the fact that both my 9 year old SD and my 8 year old SS has thier mom back in the picture, she's been in and out of thier lives for man I lost count but a LOOOONG time they never know when they are going to see her again she kinda pops in and out at thier grandmas house sometimes to sleep sometimes to eat but they never know when or how long she is gong to stay there.So I guess now she is staying there for a while Im not sure, but the main thing is that they are happier and they know she is safewhich is great news to me because they have been stressed out and have cried sooo many tears. Now heres where it gets sour, my SD I see is wearing all of her moms stuff from shoes to belts to shirts to shorts which we don't mind unless it has something offensive on it like its to grown-up or goth or whatever, any-whoo it's been like 2 1/2 weeks since she's been staying at thier grandmas house, yet now my SD is acting really defensive toward me with any little thing and she talks to me in sharp tones and gets all dramtic if I tell her anything about how she is acting. My SS is still the same with me very lovable and caring and and even he notices her change in behavior towards me. Just today she told me in a rude manner and very loud tone, "I don't want everyine knowing my business" and storms out of my car and runs inside because of what my niece asked her which was "what was the name of the boy she had a crush on again? (like my SD told her before already in the car ride.) I was about to tell her and my SD flipped she then picked a flower from my in-laws garden and was about ot give it to me and then she threw it on the floor and walked away ?? What is going on here ? Is she just acting pre-teenish " or maybe I have just seen the tip of the iceberg and there is still more to come but what's going on ??? I am so confused ?? I felt for a moment that just because mom is back now I am getting pushed on the back burner ?? I dont know I don't really think about our arguments I just let them go but I am just trying to figure out why she is acting this we have been a family for 5 years now and everything has been great but now heres a little bump in the road how can I get over this one??

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Sonya - posted on 05/26/2009

Thank-you so much for all of you'r input girls I can't thank you enough, I guess my husband pulled my daughter aside the other day and talked to her about her behavior she right away knew what the conversation was going to be about and she knew her behavior was not the best, she then pulled me aside from our b.b.q today and told me she appreciates everything that I have been doing for her as far as helping her with her school work and always there to talk with her about issues and that she was sorry, I gave her a hug and she told me she was just really upset because I guess her BM is giving her brother more attention than her right now and she's been feeling like this for a while but I was relieved to hear her talk to me about her actions and felt better knowing what was really bugging her, and we have made arrangments by court that they can spend the night at thier grandparents every other weekend because in the past before I met them I guess my husband and the BM were not that involved to begin with always at work or school so they pretty much raised them since they were babies so they are able to spend the nights with them and the kids love it there, although there is the sour moments when the mom shows up and she has no where else to go. We found out recently by the kids grandma that she is trying to get custody of them again but I don't know how she is unemployed and doesn't have a place to live other than grandma's I don't know what she is thinking.....Any-whoo thanks again guys I'm pretty new to all this and I am starting to love this website :)

Becki - posted on 05/25/2009

189

i was raised by my father. when i was 2 my mother started to come and go as she pleased. my father took her back everytime, no questions asked. this went on until i was 18 and became a mother myself. it was at that time i knew she did not care about me, she did not love me. i have grow used to this fact and to be honest i can not stand her now. i only wish that i had someone like your step daughter does. one day she will come to see that and she will be very thankful for the love & support you gave her. the only question left is when? hopefully it will not be too long, but always remember it will happen one day.

Devon - posted on 05/24/2009

250

Lorna is right what she wrote, it is only a matter of time before bm is gone again and i think you sd know's that and it is upsetting to her, but she just won't say it. i doubt she is in the pre-teen stage yet. just because the bm is back doesn't mean that you can't punish her. she needs to still treat you with respect! what does the father say about all this with you and your sd?? this might be harsh to say, but in my opinion i would take the bm to court and either have her sign her rights over or do something, because it's not healthy for both your step children to have there bm keep going in and out of there lives. maybe a little counseling would help to with them because this can be a big mental abuse for them. good luck and hope it works out for your family

Linda - posted on 05/24/2009

I hope it works out for you.... One of my SD's had a real hard time dealing with the fact her mother wasn't there for her.... Still breaks my heart to see it.... The little girl inside still wanting mom to put her first. I agree with Lorna, you just need to stay there for her when she needs you .... Good Luck - Linda

Lorna - posted on 05/24/2009

mum coming back onto the scene has been a big upset for your SD, no matter how happy she may seem, she'll know it's only a matter of time before BM is gone again. Your SD will be feeling really anxious right now cos she doesn't know when it's gonna happen so her temper will flare without her even realising it. Her wearing her mums stuff is her way of trying to make her mum stay. All you can do is sit tight and be there to mop up the tears when it all goes pear shaped again. You're doing the right thing by not stopping her from having a relationship with her BM, it's a real shame that your SD has to go through this, but she's not stupid and it won't be long before she gets fed up of being let down.