i just don't know what to do...

Amber - posted on 11/02/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

iok my family is blended 2 " baby daddy's" 2 "baby mommas" and one marriage.... ours. well there are 9 kids in the mix of it all! about a year ago we moved our family to a diff state to get away from it all(and other family) and we are loving it! over this past summer we had two of our other children then 7 n 10. my husband was out of town at work so it was just me.... and we didn't have any problems (not unusual ones anyway) at first. the mother rarely called and the kids rarely asked to call her.... then when child-support was cut off, all hell breaks loose! she starts all types of drama cause she knows my hubby is too far away to really help.well we send the kids back to her and just lv it alone.

well now we haven't seen or heard from them in months and i feel bad cause they aren't always in the best situation.....on top of that he has this 5 yr old that he never really new cause he has been unsure if it's his...(and no.. not my idea)but anyway i have a huge issue w/ absent fathers. he is by far not a deadbeat because he has always tried to be there. over the past four years he has always been current in child support and tried to visit w/ the older three kids.but every single visit that does not end w/ extra cash for her ends violence ..broken, windows, fights, police, pfa's etc. even w/ the other 5 yr old we have had domestics w/ her and he hasn't spoken to her in 31/2 yrs!!! i don't really even know what she wants...i don't think she knows.

well in all the mess there are still 4 kids w/o a dad...so i try to talk to him about seeing them (maybe visitation rights) and i think he wants to but he never does. we had an argument cause i felt he didn't stand up for them and he didn't agree. he says that he loves his kids but he has a family that he has to think of. he says that he can't deal w/ the drama or the violence and can't put the kids in our house through it anymore. on top of that he works two jobs and has enough on his plate.

i do understand but i feel that this is y people have to live w/ the choices that they make. I don't want my kids witnessing the drama and I don't want to be part of it(even though everything he does is my fault lol). he is a good dad, he is very hands on despite the two jobs. i hate for his natural children not to benefit. All the kids are innocent, but to force my hand and make him go get some visitation will only bring drama on my house.... i just don't know what to do.

he wants to try but she has been this way for 11 years. she has tried to have him arrested underfalse pre-tense...she's just immature..I don't want you to think that he hasn't tried...we actually have phisical custody now..and this is the second time in two yrs. she only has them because the physiacl danger she kept putting the other children in, so he let her take them back to pgh. his fam lives there and they do help w/ the kids and spend time w/ them reguarly.when i mean physical threats she threatens bodily harm to me and them lies and says i'm makin it up...she scratches cars, but if you didn't see her you can't blame her....she had the police at my house 9x in 3 days b/c she felt her kids were in danger and i was abusing them..everytime she calls the police they have to ck it out no matter what time it is( 5am...2am...4pm..) my daughter's b-day party was ruined because we were detained by police cause she called and said i hit her child and b/c he didn't want to lie for her he ran to the neighbor's house and wouldn' come out... he does try but he feels defeated and torn. them the other little boy's mom just took him and moved to another state w/o tellin him(for peet's sake) but she wants him to be in his life(mind you he's not allowed to come to our house!)

i relly do feel he needs to be there for them but to keep encouraging more visitation...my kids don't deserve that either. and it's a shame cause all the kids really love each other. how do i be strong and support him when i don't think i can take it anymore?

i think the cards are a wonderful idea if we can get the new address(she's afraid he will take the kids back)(the school called alot last yr and she cant risk it) but are cards enough?

thanks guys...i can't really talk to anyone else..his family says that they are not my kids so don't worry about it? my family is just not supportive on the issue...