I just found out that my husband's ex is taking us back to court

Buttercup - posted on 02/26/2009

Thank you Linda...the timing is at least convenient in that we should be getting taxes back any day, we will get an attorney

Mom - posted on 02/26/2009

I have to tell you PLEASE GET AN ATTORNEY THAT IS FOR MEN!!!! Do not go to court without an attorney and if you have to be prepaired. Call the courthouse to see if there is a local office that may help you. My husband lost his visitation including phone calls because he did not have an attorney! You can ask anyone that knows him, his ex did it because his daughter wanted to live with us and still does. We can not afford an attorney and his daughter knows every reason as to why she is not allowed to see or speak with her father. Her mom will not even allow my husband's family to be in contact with his daughter unless it is at her home and phone calls are monitored. PLEASE GET AN ATTORNEY!!!

Marilyn - posted on 02/26/2009

Hi Buttercup - I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of not being there on pick up times but I am stubborn. I just stay in the car and my step son comes to the car - she stands and glares - but that's ok - that his hers to deal with. I wouldn't ever look at her. She has tried to get her son to tell his father that he is to come alone. Most times we take him for supper as pick up time is 6:00 p.m. - she'll get her son to try and tell his father too that he only wants to have supper with him, but my husband knows her tricks and tells his son "Marilyn is always with me". We know it is not him - just recently he drew us pictures for Valentine's Day and he drew himself, me and his dad within a heart and made a notation "I love my family". This too we are bringing to court.

Marilyn - posted on 02/26/2009

I can relate Kylie - my step son is 7. He used to want to talk to me on the phone and when he came for visits he would sit on my lap or want hugs. He does not do this anymore. I can hear her in the background when he calls if I answer the phone -"talk to your dad", you can hear the sadness in his voice...but.. he has to listen to his mom while he is there. She has primary residence. We have court papers in for sole custody and within the court papers she has to answer to the court why she is trying to alieniate him from me and why she dispises me so much. The answer will be interesting. She also only had children for money - she has four to four different fathers and kicks them out once they are 18 because no more money is coming in for them. But the only thing I do is continue to treat him the way I always have to with attention, love and affection so he does not feel alienated by me.

Amy - posted on 02/26/2009

wow all i can saw to you is good luck, my fiancee his ex wife use to do the same crap and all she wanted was the money not the kids. we finally fought for full custody and now have all the kids. it was a long hard process but is now worth it!

Kylie - posted on 02/25/2009

My husband's ex uses his daughter as a power trip, she recently threatened to take him to court due to an argument we had that the child overheard. She claimed that this was an abusive threatening situation and she wanted C to be safe. However, she needed a babysitter that weekend, so she insisted on dropping her to us. Don't know about you but I wouldn't leave my child with anyone at all that I felt was making them unsafe. Thankfully, C's therapist advised her to stop the proceeds as they would be counter-productive to C returning to a normal healthy life with good relationships with both families. At this point she has full custody, as she has convinced C that she only wants one home now. (She is studying child psychology...) My husband is so hurt and angry, my kids feel betrayed and me..? I'm just the step-mum so my feelings never come into it. But I cry a lot when nobody's looking. C & I were very close prior to this, and I too feel that I've lost a daughter.. C emails me & rings me every day (and her dad of course), but when she comes over, it feels like a stranger's child has dropped by. There is nothing simple.

Fiona - posted on 02/25/2009

oh hun we r in the same boat and its hard we have been through this for 8 years and we now have full custody of my husbands 14 year old have had for 3 years please contact me and we will talk f.laws@hotmail.com

Sherry - posted on 02/25/2009

Fight fire with fire. She wants 2 limit your visitation -- request more, even better file for joint custody. If you live in the same town where the kids can go to the same school -- you can even have it 4 days on 4 days off....some of my divorced friends have it that way and it is great for the kids!

Buttercup - posted on 02/25/2009

I see what you're saying Marilyn, it just feels like she does this just to be mean, or just because she can, we haven't done anything wrong, my husband hasn't done anything wrong. It's just frustrating. Then at every exchange she gives this little stupid smirk thing that I guess is supposed to convey that she has something up her sleeve. Yuck- just so sick of dealing with it, I just don't go to exchanges anymore.

Marilyn - posted on 02/24/2009

My husband's ex went from sole custody to joint custody last year - primary residence is with her. But she continues to mess up - so now we are going back to court for sole custody again. Perhaps you should try filing for custody. We have alot of proof of her bad parenting, neglect and abuse. If you have done nothing wrong, the responsibility lies solely with her to prove otherwise.

Dawn - posted on 02/24/2009

Quoting Kim:

I suggest that you go to your local library and check out Ex-Etiquette For Parents. It's a wonderful book about this stressful situation.

I have saw this book on amazon and I had it in my cart to buy but never got around to it.  So, it is a good book?  I was afraid it was too unrealistic.

I may pick it up now.  I love a good self help book!

Dawn - posted on 02/24/2009

Buttercup, going to court just sucks.  I know this both professionally and personally. 

Just know one thing, Judges aren't always dumb.  They can see things for what they really are.  If the case is bullsh*t, they'll see it and that will only benefit your case. 

Don't let it worry you.  If you can afford it, hire an attorney.  That money is soooo worth taking away some of the stress involved. 

Good luck to you.

Buttercup - posted on 02/24/2009

Quoting Maria:

I can somewhat relate I am actually finally going to court tomorrow with my ex he actually filed in July of last year for full custody of our 9 year old son. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and he has a 10 year old from a previous and I have a 9 year old from a previous and we have a 6 year old together it is so frustrating sometime. Well everything was fine between my husband and I and my ex and his wife. My husband and ex played softball together and the team kicked my ex off the team because they did not think he was that great of a player and made my ex mad. Well our 9 year old son was diagnosed with a learning disability that was caused from a head injury he got when he was in a car wreck with my ex and his wife when she tried to run a red light and got t-boned. Well Will our 9 year old has always been behind in school and he finally got tested and they told us he did have a learning disability. Well I have always let him play as many sports that he wanted even though he struggled and was always behind all his other class mates until he failed the 3rd grade last year and had to go to summer school to pass to the 4th grade. Well I sat down and talked to Will about him not playing fall baseball so we could see how he would handle the 4th grade because I believe education is first and that made my ex and his wife mad because they believe a child in elementary school should be able to play sports even if they are not passing so they went to file for full custody in July and we are finally are going to court tomorrow so it is very frustrating and if you ever want to talk or vent about something I would more than happy to listen or talk. I wish you luck in court I will be glad when ours is over tomorrow.

First of all, thanks so much for the support everyone! I really appreciate it. Not that I wish anyone to go through this but it does feel good to know I'm not alone in it.

Maria, how was court today?

Maria - posted on 02/23/2009

I can somewhat relate I am actually finally going to court tomorrow with my ex he actually filed in July of last year for full custody of our 9 year old son. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and he has a 10 year old from a previous and I have a 9 year old from a previous and we have a 6 year old together it is so frustrating sometime. Well everything was fine between my husband and I and my ex and his wife. My husband and ex played softball together and the team kicked my ex off the team because they did not think he was that great of a player and made my ex mad. Well our 9 year old son was diagnosed with a learning disability that was caused from a head injury he got when he was in a car wreck with my ex and his wife when she tried to run a red light and got t-boned. Well Will our 9 year old has always been behind in school and he finally got tested and they told us he did have a learning disability. Well I have always let him play as many sports that he wanted even though he struggled and was always behind all his other class mates until he failed the 3rd grade last year and had to go to summer school to pass to the 4th grade. Well I sat down and talked to Will about him not playing fall baseball so we could see how he would handle the 4th grade because I believe education is first and that made my ex and his wife mad because they believe a child in elementary school should be able to play sports even if they are not passing so they went to file for full custody in July and we are finally are going to court tomorrow so it is very frustrating and if you ever want to talk or vent about something I would more than happy to listen or talk. I wish you luck in court I will be glad when ours is over tomorrow.

Penny - posted on 02/23/2009

Try not to let it overwhelm you. Just think of the positives and know that if you haven't done anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about. My husband's ex tried to have the judge sign an emergency paper not letting him have any visits with SD and to reopen the case a month after he ruled on it because she claimed that my SD told her mom that my hubby hit her over two years ago, when she was three years old (she's five now). Thank the good Lord the judge saw right through that and denied her requests. He even put in his court document that even though she didn't agree with his decisions, there was no evidence showing abuse and that he was doing what he saw was best for her child, which was to have her father involved.

Amanda, how long did you pray? I do believe in the miracle of prayer and that God allows all things to happen for a reason. This drama just never seems to end.

Kim - posted on 02/23/2009

I suggest that you go to your local library and check out Ex-Etiquette For Parents. It's a wonderful book about this stressful situation.

Janna - posted on 02/23/2009

My husband's ex does this too.. even when we are granted partial custody she ignores the order.. hand in there... at some point the children can testify and the court takes that into consideration...

Danyell - posted on 02/23/2009

Well, the ex's are what they are.  The more you give the more they want!!  Our ex (its been 12 years I feel Like i was married to her too..) is always trying to find a way to get more money.  She is being paid more than what it cost us for 3 children in Daycare/school -- she has (1) 14 year old daughter.  Do to the economy we have been having a hard time paying.  She gets paid because if not..there will be H*** to Pay.  We were 2 days late (after years of being early) and she went to the state and filed a petition that my husband was behind on his child support.  All I can say is good luck and god speed.  We are here for you and going thru the same thing,

Natalie - posted on 02/23/2009

My husband and I have been back and forth to court MANY of times to deal with his ex. Luckily, my husband has full custody of the kids now. Once my husband and I moved to be closer to the kids, he took a cut in pay and ultimately reduced her child-support. That's when she basically said "F-it! It's not worth it anymore to have them!" and basically ahnded them over to us. The kids were only 6 and 11 at the time, but were very glad to be coming to live with us. That was a decision that she will never be able to reverse without a fight from us. We've been back and forth to court many times and she always attempts to try and evade HER child support obligations. Needless to say, she hasn't paid a dime in the last 3 years, and to us it's like, why waste the time and effort trying to squeeze water out of a rock. As a stepmother of these kids, who cares very much for them, it's very hard to only be able to watch what happens. I give my husband all the support I can and just trust that the courts will decide to do whats best for the kids. So far, we have been happy with all of the outcomes. So, that's the advice I would like to give to you. If you know you are in the right, and you know there is no valid reason for anyone to reduce your visitation with your stepdaughters, then just give your husband support and hope that the judge dismisses her case. It sounds like his ex-wife and my husband's ex-wife are on the same planet moron, where they believe that EVERYTHING should be thier way, no matter how ridiculous it is!

Amanda - posted on 02/23/2009

I believe all you can do is pray, my husbands ex use to do that but i continued to pray and you know now the ex and i can tolerate each other and we can all work things out, for the most part. things will work out, as they should someday, but until than you can only continue to pray and put your faith in god and it will all work out. well you take care and good luck.

Casey - posted on 02/23/2009

Welcome to my world. My husband's ex is always trying to find a way to takes him back to court and take more of our money. He pays what the state tells him to pay, but that's not good enough for her. It's hard, but cant do much about it. It wont go away till their 18. It gets very overwhelmed and what helps me is I vent and so if you need someone to vent to feel free to vent to me. I know what your going though and it's not fun. hang in there.