Barbara - posted on 07/19/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )
My ex and I split up 5 years ago. Our children are now 9 and 10. He believes that it is in their "best interest" to keep the "two lives" separate. We have split custody... I have them every weekend, every other holiday, and every other week in the summer. As close to 50/50 as we can be and live in separate counties. He tells the school and others involved in the children's activities to contact only him. I am not told of doctor's appointments, or issues at school. I find out about activities through the children only, and if there is a special occasion they would like me to attend, I find out about it the day of, or even afterwords many times. He says that they need to be able to keep the two lives separate, and that it is not good for them to combine the two. He lives with his parents, and I even had his mother stop my daughter from getting me to help her with her homework one night. Saying that when my ex got home he would do it.
I have serious issues with all of this, esp. since I feel that they are not getting enough help with homework, or guidance on every day tasks. They frequently are late for school, or falling asleep in class due to not getting enough sleep at night. They come to me and ask why I didn't show for an event, when I was not told of it.
What should I do? I have been begging for more input from him for 5 years, and have gotten no where. When I go to the school myself, and ask them to contact me directly, they say they have to stay out of it for legal reasons, and I have to go through him. There is nothing in the divorce or custody arrangements stating that I have to do this.