I need advice on how to cope with my step sons spoiled attitudes....

Janan - posted on 03/24/2010

Put your foot down, Take back YOUR home. I am sick of these kids who have no respect these days. It's not your fault that this childs parents are no longer together, so why should YOU pay the "price"! Bottom line is, your Husband needs to get seriously involved, I am seeing a huge pattern here that step mothers are being left to "handle" the step kids on top of thier own, so here's how I do it. My Husbands has 2 by 2 different mothers. I do NOT put up with ANYONE tellign me what to do in MY home! Tough! I am a very nurturing person & want to see my WHOLE family thrive. Maybe the child is looking for "attention" I would give them so mcuh attention, that they actually asked if they could call me Mom & have both said Mom or called themselves My Daughter. I am a strong figure in thier lives & will not allow any person to trample on my rules. Children need some kind of structure & I have a 2 yr old & will not allow anyone to act a certain way in front of her, i don't care who or what...as far as toys, tell him to bring some of the fun toys with him. have him sit on your lap or sit next to you or go for a ride in the car, you might be totally surprised how "different" they can be out of earshot of other family members, my younger SD started just talking about the events going on at home, that of course, are awful, and I tried to comfort her & explained that I know I can be tough, but as She could see for herself now, people who do not follow rules get into trouble a lot & when you get older it can get really bad to get into trouble when you're bigger & that you, yourself have rules to follow, proceed to tell them about work deadlines, & traffic rules etc. You might be surprised to see the outcome of that. I have had the opportunity to do this & As bad as this is for the BM, Both kids have said, many times, they wanted to live with us, because the see a full pulled together family life, every child resists at some point, but it must be done! It's hard being a small child, they don't know that their BM's are selfish & get Child Support from their Father & that is why, in most cases The father & His new family cannot afford to buy the extra things the BM can get. As of last year, my younger SD turned 10, we sat her down & actually showed her the Child Support site & showed her the actual money she has received thus far & explained it's all from Daddy & the things Mommy buys with this money, is in fact from Daddy! OF COURSE the BM thought that was uncalled for, but even the Judges in court (that soon followed) advised that at this age it is certainly appropriate that a child this age can be informed of some of what is going on because at any point the Judge himself could have a counseling session & ask the child questions about where he/she may want to live & other questions. So it's good for the child to have some idea of the facts. Take back your home, if Husband does not back you up, then feel free to do it your way!

Lanie - posted on 03/24/2010

Hi 1st of all try to change your environment. Get your SS to plan their next weekends visit , in particular visit different parks countryside or the beach & take pack lunches , stuff that's low cost , one picks the trip one picks the picnic and one picks the family movie where you are all on the sofa eating popcorn ???.Then tell all the boys what a fun time you have all had and how excited you are for the next adventure , give each boy a giant scrapbook for the year & build it up of the adventures. Each son having an input will make them feel grown up . Have a no toy policy & buy family tickets for kids days out as birthday presents , move away from the competition of the toys (it takes time I'm still practicing 12 years later). Ring them up in the week and tell them you are looking forward to them coming ?? When you are required to babysit make a big fuss & play games,show the BM that you really want them there ??. I think by letting the boys plan their little adventures it might help them feel more grown up ?? Hope this helps ??. PS my SS now lives with me he was very spoiled , but hes happier now because he doesn't have the materialistic pressure ( not that he likes not getting everything ) but we believe its easier for him xxxxx

Jessica - posted on 03/15/2010

I know how you feel. When my sd goes to her bm's house she gets babied... She knows that when she comes home she is a big girl and she has to walk, clean her room etc. I would just tell him that he is a big boy and big boys do not act like that, if that does not work then set him in time out. I hope this helps you!!!