I need some serious help! please!

Chelsea - posted on 11/17/2009 ( 52 moms have responded )

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My husband and I just had a weekend visit with his daughter/ my step daughter. Everything was going fine until his ex wife came to pick up my step daughter...First off she came early and was pounding on the door and when my husband answered it she started yelling and demanding. So he just simply shut the door. She then pounded on the door several times and when we both opened it the last time she balled up her fist and about hit me...my husband pulled me away just in time! A few minutes later the cops show up and she was saying that we were not letting her have her daughter and that she had called us and told us she was coming early. The cop found out that she had NOT called and confronted her about it and she then said that she did not have our phone number!! So we gave it to the cop to give it to her knowing she has had it for over a year now. By that time it was time for her to pick up my step daughter so we said our good byes and gave kisses and hugs. We had thought that everything was said and done....WRONG!!! The next day the cops show up again wanting to talk to my husband....he was at work and asked me to tell him to call when he got home. Well they ended up going up to his work....The ex wife turned my husband in for abuse!!!!! While my step daughter was here she had fell down and got a small scratch on her cheek...we were going to tell the ex wife about the fall, but could not because of what I said earlier. So now my husband has to take a lie detector test and the SRS will be coming and inspecting the house and how we raise our kids (I have a son from prior relationship and another boy with my husband). The thing is when we go and pick up my step daughter she ALWAYS has a new scratch or bump or marking on her. Then the FIRST time she goes home with a scratch my husband is turned in for abuse. I am beside myself! My husband and I love our kids very much and would NEVER hurt them. I know I need to stay out of this, because its between my husband and his ex wife, but its so hard not to want to help. This is not the first time that she has tried to pull something. She has never taken it this far though. The other times have been coming up with excuses as to why we cant have my step daughter for the weekend or holidays. My step daughter comes up to me all the time and tells me how her mommy hurts her and how she is mean all the time. I could go on and on and on about all the problems we have with my husbands ex and what my step daughter says happens while she is with her mother, but that would take too long.I know she is doing all this just to get back at my husband or to just piss him off, but what she is doing is hurting the kids.... Does any one have and advice as what to do or not to do? A "Just hang in there!" or an "It will be ok!" would even help... Just in case some of you mommy's don't have time to read all the posts that are on here.....we went and seen the lawyer today! Found out that she did not sign the papers!! The PFA maybe thrown out! And the lawyer said we have this in the bag!...we have enough evidence to show my husband DID NOT do any of this she is claiming he did. He also said that she is very vindictive! LOL! Thank you for all your help and prayers! My family will pray for all of you and your family's! I don't know how to thank you all enough for the prayers! I will keep you posted.....Thank you again!

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Chelsea - posted on 11/25/2009

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I will keep everyone posted on this situation. I figured I would go ahead and close this and after we have court Dec. 7th I will post a new conversation and let everyone know how it went. Thank you all for your advice and prayers!!!! You are all in mine as well!! May God Bless each and everyone of you and all your families!!! And again thank you all!!!

Chelsea - posted on 11/23/2009

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Thank you Tammy Mandy and Georgina! When we talked to my husbands lawyer he said to do just the same ...document document document and take pictures of her when we get her and right before she leaves..I plan on buying a journal and writing everything down..and have a digital camera and a card that is just for the pictures that will be proof for us. Thank you for all your support! I will keep all you posted!

Georgina - posted on 11/23/2009

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So unfair on you but I know how you feel. We document everything now, any scratch where it came ffrom how it happened etc. If my daughter says it came from school then I meet with teachers and document that too. If my Daughter eversaid that "mummy was hurting her all the time" then i'll march her to the police station and make a formal statement. Just keep your head held up high, may not seem like it now but it will improve as your daughter will rebell agenist her mother and will see you as her mum. x

Mandy - posted on 11/23/2009

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I've been in your shoes honey. My fiance's daughter's mother is always trying to pull something and did the same thing to us one day we dropped her off on a Sunday and nothing was ever said until Monday when her and my finace got into an argument about her boyfriend (who is a registered sex offender) anyways all the sudden she says that their daughter's leg is broken an it must have happened at our house she went as far as to call Child Protective Servies and all well it turned out there was nothing even wrong with the child but ever since that day we always make sure that there are a few witnesses to make sure there is nothing wrong with her before we drop her off becuase you never know when she wil try and pull some crap again so maybe that could be something for you to do also once they prove that your husband is not responsalbe they will look at that if she ever calls them again. :)

Tammy - posted on 11/23/2009

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chelsea~ I am so happy for you and your family. It looks as if things may be turning around. Hooray on the nanny cam ; ) ! Hope and pray things continue as they are for you. BM NOT signing the protective order is a good sign in some ways. It does show, in my opinion, her inability to truly care. Also, it shows inconsistency, major no-no in the courts eyes. It took us getting a court date every month for 8 months before bm finally showed up at court, we had our case bagged due to evidence from recordings and documentation, but her lack of responsibility to show at court when she was suppose to just cinched the case for us. We were told by the 3rd no show that the judge was getting angry and one more no show would cause her to loose based on that alone; in the end we won and have had full custody with supervised visits ONLY ever since and its been 8 yrs. I guess what I am saying is it may take a while but her not signing is a good sign that she wont show for court dates. Which is good for you all in the end. It might be frustrating and it might break your heart, cause deep down, you think, what parent wouldn't show up for a court date concerning their children? Continue fighting with all your heart, continue the prayers, and get that child in your full custody. Although things are going well now, please know that I will continue to pray for you and your family. Also, please keep me informed. I have a hard time finding some of these to see how things are going. It's really frustrating when I can't find a room because there are so many.

Chelsea - posted on 11/21/2009

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Oh I am not sure T Partridge if you read on down on some older posts but not only did the ex claim that the scratch on her cheek was from abuse but she also claims that "he pushed her down giving her a bruise on her knee, beat her with a belt, and touched her in a private area at least twice in one month". This is why he has a temp. PFA against him.

Chelsea - posted on 11/21/2009

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T Partridge...Thank you for your advice its very helpful! I am not making my husband do this alone..I am involved in this matter with him, but only when I need to be. I am 100% behind him and he knows this...we have talked several times since some of my posts and we are doing much better and actually think we are (sounds weird) closer! His lawyer told me I have to be at the court date as I am a witness to everything that has happened and not happened. As for counseling at my church...I am not sure, but we are very close to our pastor and do plan on talking with him...even if its just to pray. My husband says thank you to your comment on shutting the door in her face. Again Thank you!

T - posted on 11/21/2009

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Quoting Chelsea:



Thank you all!! And yes I will be filling charges against the ex. And will do it again and again if I have to. My husband and I are also getting a "nanny cam" and placing it at the door so when she comes to pick up my SD we will have her rudeness and bad behavior on film...we are still looking in to all the laws though, but I think that we can film her if she is on our property without her knowing it. But will find out for sure before doing it. God Bless All of You and Your Families!!!!




T - posted on 11/21/2009

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I don't know what state you live in, but it is extremely rare that a lie detector test or charges would be given for such a small thing as a scratch. It usually takes months just to get a hearing with the friend of the court, or your equivalent. Not only that, innocent until proven guilty. However, with such a young child, it can be different. Follow all that documentation and journaling advice: I'd suggest your husband do the same. Every day, write down anything related. Write down events with your other kids as well. It will help your memories later if questioned. And, there is something very therapeutic about writing things out!

When my SK's BM threatened us with abuse charges, we said go right ahead, and promptly blocked her from our cell phones. We don't use a land line, thank goodness. Her belief was that we were causing abuse by not allowing the SS to have cell service during school hours--he was texting during class and got in trouble, so we used parental controls and turned off access during school hours. When you do that with Verizon, he can only contact people on the account--dad, me, my bio son. After some nasty text messages, we blocked her out. Please tell your husband that at least this Stepmom is proud of him having shut the door in her face and not playing her games. I'm sorry you are going through this, and encourage you to stand up to her. I would not follow the advice of leave it all to your husband--you are an important witness, and he needs you. You are his wife, please do not leave him to stand alone. However, draw the boundary line on abuse from him, verbal and emotional included. To me that is a sign there is an abusive tendancy, which is seriously dangerous. Ask him if he realizes that, he may be so angry (and I don't blame him) that he doesn't realize that. Definitely seek counsel, but be careful right now, as child abuse is one of the few situations that mental health records are not always sacred from. Do you have counseling available at a church?

Chelsea - posted on 11/21/2009

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Thank you Venessa and Summer! It really helps knowing I am not alone and there are people out there willing to try and help in any way they can!!

Summer - posted on 11/21/2009

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It will be ok.Bio mom's get crazy!They think that since their ex got remarried it's a sign of rejection.Take her to court and get court ordered visitations and stop the whole problem.Hang in there.

Venessa - posted on 11/21/2009

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I am soooo sorry for all this. I know about that kind of drama. I dealt with it in some shape or form for about 2 years from my husbands ex. Just remember this . . . . when she does something, she isn't thinking clearly and it will probably come back to bite her in the you know what. People like that never get what they want. Just remind yourself and your husband of what kind of person she is. Keep your head up.

Chelsea - posted on 11/21/2009

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Thank you all!! And yes I will be filling charges against the ex. And will do it again and again if I have to. My husband and I are also getting a "nanny cam" and placing it at the door so when she comes to pick up my SD we will have her rudeness and bad behavior on film...we are still looking in to all the laws though, but I think that we can film her if she is on our property without her knowing it. But will find out for sure before doing it. God Bless All of You and Your Families!!!!

Joanne - posted on 11/21/2009

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I feel for you and know just what you are going through, My husbands ex put child well fair onto us a couple of months ago with the claim that he was abusing his children and myself.I have two step daughters and we have three of our own. It is hell to go through the waiting is murder just sit tight it will all work out in the end, they wont be in any rush but this does not mean that they are against you it just means that it is a baseless allegation and they have better things to do then indulge a dilaudid woman's fantasy. Stay stronge and hang in there it will all workout in the end

[deleted account]

I am not able to read all the replies tonight, but your initial post really struck a chord with me. My husbands ex did nearly the same thing, except that she showed up and actually broke into the house where we were staying by having his daughter climb through a doggie door. We were out at the time getting last minute stuff for our trip home having already said our goodbyes to his daughter (she lived in CA and we were stationed in MD and went out to see his daughter). Long story short, his ex took a swing at me and at my husband when he was trying to get her to go outside. MY BIGGEST MISTAKE was not filing assault charges against her. Please!!!! If ever your husbands ex tries to assault you IN ANY WAY... call the police and file charges. Then file for full custody citing her as needing anger management and being unfit. We did not do this and it came back to bite us in the rear time and time again. It actually may not be too late for you to counter with this when you go to court. From our experience and that of my SD I can say this.. my SD wishes we had filed those charges so she could have come to live with us. She was not able to "cross" her mom and say she wanted to live with us on her own and to this day fears her mothers unbalanced reactions (and my SD is nearly 20 now and still lives with this fear). You have to believe that if she was that unstable as to take a swing at you, that she is also unstable at home with her daughter.

Turang - posted on 11/20/2009

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Good luck chelsea!! wow and her not signing papers this will definitly let the judge know the type of character she is. how her daughter means to her. May God bless

Chelsea - posted on 11/20/2009

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We went and talked to my husbands lawyer!!!!!!!!!! VERY good news!!!!!!!!!!!! He thinks we have this in the bag with all the evidence we have!!!!!!! We are just to hang in there until the court date and when that comes I am to go too and be a witness for my husband. I am a stay at home mom and have been here every time he has had his daughter and the lawyer was very glad of that. I can be the proof that he has never touched his daughter and did not beat her with a belt or push her down. I was advised to keep documenting everything just as I had been and take pictures of her before she leaves to prove that she has no marks when she leaves.....but I don't want to get into trouble for taking pictures of her with her clothes off....so do I just leave her in her panties or what????? The lawyer even stated that with all this he can see that the ex is vindictive...VERY!!!!! Oh AND!!!! I am so excited about this!!!!!!! SHE DID NOT SIGN THE PFA ORDER PAPERS!!!!!!!! So it may be thrown out!!!!!!! I am so happy! Thank you all for the prayers they REALLY do help!!! I am so happy I am trying not to cry! Thank you all SOOOO much...I don't know how I can thank you all enough for being here and helping me and praying for my family!!! I will pray for you all every night!!! Again Thank You!

Chelsea - posted on 11/20/2009

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Sherri- Thank you for replying to my conversation! And yes if anything else happens I will call the cops
Danielle-Thank you for your advice and I just may contact you for some advice if the abuse keeps happening!
Tawny-Thank you for sharing your story with me! I know that in the state i live in a lie detector test does not stand up in court! I have no I idea why...it would help us out a lot as where my husband did NOT do any of these things. But he will state that he is very willing to do anything to prove he didn't do anything wrong. Thank you ladies very much for you help and support!! May God bless you and your families and I will pray for all of you!!

Tawny - posted on 11/20/2009

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Hi Chelsea..

I am extremely sorry to hear all this crap is happening with you and your family. I must say that I too am and have been having problems with my husbands ex as well. In fact our situation isn't that much different then yours. My step daughter was over for our second weekend visit and had told me that her step dad had sexually abused her. Long story short, we call the police and they called CPS. and the investigation began. We ended up getting temp custady of his daughter for four months and the ex lied, pleded and scammed her way out of the mess. Needless to say, my step daughter was sent back home to her mothers and we have not seen her since. They ended up finding the step dad guilty through the lie detector test and they still sent her home...(where is the justice?) In my opinion, keep hanging in there. Let CPS investigate your home and make sure your husband takes the lie detector test. The fact of the matter is, that you two have nothing to hide and you want them to know it. If I learned anything out of our mess, it's that the more willing you are the better. She will look like a fool. Plus I've been told that a person can get in trouble for false alligations. Well you hang in there and if you ever need to talk just leave me a message. I hope all works out for you.

[deleted account]

I don't have time to read all the replies to see if anyone already said this so I'm sorry if I repeat anything. I used to work for the state (TX and MT) investigating abuse and neglect of children. Unless your stepdaughter says that your husband inflicted that on her, and her story is consistent with the injury, abuse will not be substantiated. It will be ruled out and closed. It works the same with law enforcement agencies. Just because someone accuses it does not mean anything unless it is proven with clear and convincing evidence (witness, doctor saying it is indicative of abuse, admittance by the child). You, and any one else on here, are free to ask any further questions you might have about abuse/neglect issues. If he did not do it, I would not worry unless the mother has convinced her to lie very well.

Sherri - posted on 11/20/2009

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I am very sorry to hear that you are going through that, it sounds JUST like my husbands ex! We have really not come to many conclusions with her, I have been with him for almost 8 years and even though the kids are now teens (ones almost 18!) this crap goes on all the time, we try very hard to ignore it but it just seems to leak back in drip by drip like a bad pipe!!!! I would say, let your husband deal with her, just be there to support him, and if the child is being abused by the mother, CALL THE POLICE - make sure that the child is taken care of and is safe..................GOOD LUCK

Chelsea - posted on 11/20/2009

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Thank you Kate and Turang! My husband is going to go talk to his lawyer again today. His lawyer thinks that his ex is very much in the wrong and said that there is an age limit on when you can believe a child. I feel so bad for my husband...she did this right and I mean right before his birthday and the holidays. We have came to the conclusion that the only reason she had accused him of sexual abuse is because the scratch and bruising on the knee would not get her a PFA... they would say that she could have fell down, which is what happened. As for the belt marks I have witnessed her take a belt to her children several times. We have pictures of her back from a day before she went back with her mother because there was bruising on her spine..looks like finger marks! So that proves that there were NO belt marks, but we can't prove they were not there the day she picked her up. We are going to look into counseling and parenting classes for divorced children. Thanks for all the prayers and my family and I are all praying for all of you as well! May God bless all of you!! Thank you again!

Turang - posted on 11/20/2009

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I am sorry ur going thru this but be patience and love strong. my husband and i went thru the same thing with his ex. they went thru a nasty divorce/custody battle. but i would say we went thru alot worse than u describe. I had to keep a diary, save messages and boy! helped alot wen we went to courts. Plus report any incidents..like stalking/harrasments..even tho they seem nothing it might help in future and soon they'll see her evil patterns..lol.

I truly think my husbands ex is bipolar..no doubt about it. his truck got stolen and burned( we knew who it was but no evidence), got labelled by CYFD a child abuser but later the charges were lifted, we live in a small town and police dept. and ones who were involved started seeing the patterns of how manipulative she was. Believe me it was hard, an emotional roller coaster. but patience and our love for one another kept us strong and not letting her tear us apart. cuz that's wat she wanted. And so sad to see my step-son go thru it, being coached by his mom to hurt his dad. but finally my husband got 50/50 and 3 mos aftr full custody. and now that she has obligations she has vanished from her sons life, so sad wen money is all she was concerned of. But we are happy there is no drama, and my step-son is doing better in school and opening up. there is so much more but for now be strong for your family and let God guide you. There were times i didn't think i could take it but i didn't...there's always a rainbow after evry storm. My God be with u and your family.

Kate - posted on 11/20/2009

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This is an awful situation to be in. We are currently going through another court case over the children. I wish I could say that it gets easier,but it does not. For the past eight years we have been in and out of court, the kids mother constantly accuses my husband of things that are unfounded, and truly foolish. Look o line for parental alienation syndrome, it will help you and your husband understand what the ex is tring to do with you step daughter, but it will also help with how you react to the situations, and with your son from your previous relationship, and with your son on the way. I would with out a doubt get her into therapy, and you should take a parenting class. Every state agency offers one for divorced parents. I am not saying this because I think you are a bad parent, but because three years ago we took one and it went over the effect of divorce on the children and how to handle these type of situations. It also taught us the legal ramifications of the ex's actions so it is a very informative class, and when you end up in court to revisit custody, which you should with all of this going on it will help your case. The long term effects of what she is doing to her daughter are terrible and it could be decades before you get the loving relationship that you both deserve with her. I feel bad for your husband, I see the pain that mine goes through by being cut out of his kids lives, they are teenagers now and he is sad that they have been poisoned, and everyone tells use not to worry they will come around doesn't understand that it is hard to wait another 10 years for a relationship they should have now. Get professional help, go to family counseling, if you can not afford it social services offers it and involve the kids in therapy. I pray that it gets better.

Chelsea - posted on 11/19/2009

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No you are great help!! Just you replying in my conversation is enough!! It shows me that there are people that care out there and are willing to listen and try and help in any way they can!! Thank you for taking the time to read my story and reply to it! Thank you Desi!

Desi - posted on 11/19/2009

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Ok write everything down, I mean everything from pick ups to drop off's, phone calls, sores on you SD, to what she tells you... everything! Hopefully your SD tells her father the same thing she tell you! If so he should Call CPS but lets hope they do something! An yes some things are between her and you husband but when it involes your kids that where the line ends! You should go to court and have drop offs and pick ups in a public place. Thats what we do and It is so helpful! Sorry Im not much help! but i hope things get better for you!

Chelsea - posted on 11/19/2009

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To Tammy thank you for the info! i will check into all of that. My husband and I were just talking about going to parenting classes.We just bought a voice recorder to do just that!!! I have been documenting everything, but still feel its not good enough...thank you! And again Thank You to everyone!!!! You all have been so nice to me and helpful!! I can't thank you all enough for all the prayers and lent shoulders!! May God bless all of you!! Again Thank You!!!!

Vanessa - posted on 11/19/2009

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Am thinking of and praying for you and your family and the bm. Keep praying for bm. Just know your husband loves you and family and also has no control over the situation. Stay united with your husband. Good luck

Tammy - posted on 11/19/2009

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Okay, my family has gone through a similar situation. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. I can't express enough how important it is to document EVERYTHING, down to the second. Things as simple as bedtimes at your home and schedules, expectations. At 3 1/2 she is old enough to have minimal chores. Give her little things like cleaning up after herself and taking her dishes to the sink. Nothing major, just age appropriate chores. The keep records of it. Keep records of outings, doctor visits. Everything, the point here is to prove your parenting skills. Another thing you can and should do is both of you should take a parenting children of divorce class. These things all prove your willingness to be the best parents you can be. Check your states laws also on recordings. I know in both Oklahoma and Michigan you can record any conversation as long as one person being recorded KNOWS that they are being recorded. In other words you or your husband can record all phone and or in person conversation you have with the bm and she does NOT have to know and it's perfectly legal and admissable in court. Check your states laws on this before u do it though. If your state says she has to know then make sure you send her a certified letter (and make copies of it with witness signatures.) and send it to her, make sure she has to sign for it and that you get a receipt with her signature on it. In this letter state that due to the problems you all have you will be recording all conversations with her from this day forward, in order to protect yourselves as well as the children. I say to send this information in a letter that way you have proof in black and white but also because she will most likely forget about it eventually and she will slip up. Get a nanny cam it will help with her physical attributes. As said before, every time sd tells you that bm has hurt her then record it and take her to a dr. immediately. Family counseling for you all as a family will also help. I know you are probably thinking, we did nothing wrong, it's not about doing something wrong, it's about proving that you are doing everything right. It's about proving that you are great parents and are willing to do what it takes to protect your children. Good luck and we will be praying for you.

Chelsea - posted on 11/19/2009

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Thanks to all!! I try to stay out of everything as much as I can. When my step daughter tells me things I write them down. As for doing all the communicating....she HATES my guts so I don't think that would be a good idea...I would do it if she would be nice to me and not tell me "You don't care about your step daughter!!! f u!!!" she actually says the words though. She says this to me every time I see her and yes it is in front of the kids. I have suggested that she not do this but she is the type to do it even more now that I have asked her nicely not to. Margie thank you for lending a shoulder!! I may need it before all this is over! Thanks again to everyone!!! You all have really been helping me cope with all this. The hardest part right now for me is looking into her bedroom and wondering if she is ok and praying that she will be able to come home soon.

Stephanie - posted on 11/19/2009

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Hang in there. Being a step-parent is soooo soooo hard. Hopefully, the ex wife will get over her jealousy and get a life of her own and accept things. Pray for this. I did for my situation and it helped over time.

Margie - posted on 11/19/2009

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I hav enever been any situation like this, but my husband does have an ex-wife who he does not exactly get along with. Sometimes they argue over visitations, but I try to do as much as I can to help. Since I took over communicatons, things have gone pretty smooth with the two of them not talking. We have never had anything as serious as this though. If you think it would help, mayb eyou can try to do the communicating until things cool off between them. If not, take that b&^ch to court and get custody of that little girl. It is not fair to her to have them fighting. And lets face it, everything is about the kids now. NOt the adults. Good luck. As I am a step mother as well, I would be willing to lend a shoulder anytime you may need one.

Swapna - posted on 11/19/2009

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Let your husband handle it. I would also stay away from listening to anything negative your stepdaughter tells about her mom. Do not listen. Things will be passed on to you.
Been there done that. our husband will always take her side at the expense of the children he has with you. Stay OUT OF IT. Let him handle. Be kind to your Step-d but remember she will never be air to you if her interest is interfered with and her loyalty is fully to the mom even when she has been abusive. [

Samantha - posted on 11/18/2009

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i think that if it gets really bad...have a child therapist talk to your step daughter about both families...and they can get the real story out of her....that would help a lot...good luck though...i've been there..still goind through it...hope it all works out for the best for you

Chelsea - posted on 11/18/2009

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I would do that but the ex got a PFA (protection from abuse) order on my husband...so for now he is not allowed to be in any contact with her....We are going to talk to his lawyer tomorrow. I hope we have enough evidence to win. She needs to be stopped...I am not a person to talk bad about someone else, but this ex wife is something else. If I did not know any better I would swear that she works for the devil himself. I have been praying for her and she has only gotten worse! But I am not going to stop.

Christina - posted on 11/18/2009

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I haven't read everyones response to your post, but DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Keep a journal of everything that is said from bm and dad, from sd, doctors, anyone. Take pictures of every bump and bruise when you first get her and right before she leaves. Take her to the doctors to have them document any scratch or bruise just to save yourself. I am so sorry that this is happening to you, I couldn't imagine.

Chelsea - posted on 11/18/2009

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Thank you all for all the support and advice!! It all helps!! I was thinking I was the only one that felt the way I do and I have found I am not alone! Thank you for all the prayers they really help! Thank you so much!!

CIndy - posted on 11/18/2009

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I too have been in that situation,my ex's has accused my husband,my step son of all kinds of allegations. You have to go with the flow so to speak because if you get angrya dn let her see that it bothers you(which I know it does) it will only make her want to lash out more. We fought with the court system for over 5 yrs .Now we (my husband) has full custody of the 3 girls and they are so very happy to be in a stable home with a loving mom and dad. She was and sitll is jealous of me because I show the girls unconditional love and she don't have consept of what that is.
I fell in love with these girls the very first time I met them, my husband told me about them and he said they were a package deal and I took that to heart.
These girls (2 of them) were sexually mollested but not by my husband or step son
but by her ex boyfriend which she has 2 kids by him too. They are only 11 and 10((twins) so you see yes there are going to be arguments but they are not meant to be at you. He needs to talk and if you hang in there and that is what I am reading from you you WILL make it through this and be even stronger people because of it. Yes I agree with alot of the other posts here...document..document and more document. Pictures too if you can.Take care care of yourselves and be there for each other and YES you do have a say in all this because it affects you and your family too.
I will be praying for you...You are doing an awsome job,keep it up
Cindy

Suzie - posted on 11/18/2009

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gosh, i am so sorry to hear what you are going through. As a stepmum myself i know how hard it can be when the ex stirs up trouble (been there myself). I now keep a diary of when we have my stepchildren, what time we collect/drop them home, any marks on them/what they say happened, when she drops them off and what time. As we have them every weekend and she says it is my husbands responsibility to collect his children cause he left them! Rarely does she drop them off,only if she wants to go out sooner. I do not collect them as she was verbally abusive to me when i collected them when my hubby was poorly so if he is ill we do not have his children and i have changed the home telephone number as she kept leaving messages and kept coming into my work so i asked my work to say i was busy! My stepsons have both my husband and my mobile number if they need to get in touch, which they do use (both are teenagers now). good luck and all my best wishes are with you at this tough time.

Vicky - posted on 11/17/2009

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That's rough but hang in there. My step daughter is now 20 and the relationship we have is well worth the headaches her mother gave us. Having SRS called on you is no fun and stressful, but when the basis are groundless as in your case, the process usually goes by quickly. They might want to talk to your kids, but if you tell your kids that they are just making sure they are safe, this doesn't have to be too stressful on them. Had to go through it myself and lost alot of sleep over it, but in the end the cse was close and the charges found to be ungrounded. Just pray and try to keep calm. Remember your children, your step daughter included are the most important people involved.

Lanaya - posted on 11/17/2009

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girl it seems that we have very similar situations and you are absolutely right she is doing this to get back at your husband for finding a better woman than she is, mine still wants mine and has admitted on several occasions that she is not over him. It is hard to stay out of it because he is your husband and his business is your business and vice versa but remember in the eye of the law "WE (Step Moms)" have no rights. I find it helpful to vent as you are doing right now. Just know that you are not alone. Everything in the Dark will come to Light. Keep being a wonderful step mom and your little girl will never forget:-)

Chelsea - posted on 11/17/2009

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She is 3 1/2. I just got finished printing and copying everything we have. Everyone we know and have told what is going on is beside themselves and can't believe she is trying to pull this. Everyone knows that my husband and I love our kids and would never harm them in any way. I have been doing some searching on the internet and it sounds to me that she has PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) and I would not doubt that she is on drugs...she has a problem with perscription drugs..she was a CMA and got fired for steeling drugs out of the med cart!

Amber - posted on 11/17/2009

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I need to know how old your step daughter is. next u need to keep records of everything. Dates you have her, marks on her, who pickes her up, drops her off, things she tells you. Next, keep doin exactly what your doin. God will take care of it. If you are in the right, and she is doin wrong, it will work itself out. Have anyone you can be your eyes and ears, it sounds like she has to be on drugs or something to be acting this way. Record anything you can just to be prpared.

Alicia - posted on 11/17/2009

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he doesnt mean it..that has to be the worst thing being accused of shit like that towards your own child! i am going to pray for yall!

Chelsea - posted on 11/17/2009

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Thank you all for your help and support! My husband is very upset, but I have taken everyone's advice and have talked calmly to my husband. I told him I am here for him and that I love him very much. He started crying...me as well. We have agreed that this is going to be very stressful and painful, but we are going to always remember why we got married in the first place....we love each other very much. I am going to keep praying and things will be great...hopefully sooner than later, but we will get there! My husband is going to talk with his lawyer hopefully tomorrow.Please keep my step daughter and my husband in your prayers.

Danielle - posted on 11/17/2009

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He's upset and angry too, It'l be okay, I will say you need to fight back, She's crossing the line and she is the one who needs to take the lie dector test, and she needs to be avaluated, There is always child services you can involve yourself, They will help, they can just be a pain in the butt sometimes, but they do help. That day at your door when she tried to hit you, You should have gotten a restraining order, Ive been down this road more than once with the ex and i did what i had to do and went infront of a judge. Im sorry your going through this, It will get better and she will give up eventually.

Cassie - posted on 11/17/2009

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It sounds to me that he is frustrated, and is lashing out. Which is unfortunate, but not all that uncommon. I went through a similar thing not that long ago with my ex. I allowed my kids to go to a wedding for one of his family members. They were supposed to be back on Sunday, and I got a call from his sister saying that they were accusing me of abuse. Unfortunately he and I were never married, and didn't have a custody order. So there was nothing I could do about it. The police showed up at my house, saying that he was pressing child abuse charges, we had to go through CPS (child protective services) and prove that we weren't abusive. The police and CPS dropped all charges, and we went to court to determine custody, and we won. If the incident didn't happen, then you should have nothing to worry about. But know that if they believe that sexual abuse is happening, they may want to interview your children as well. Allow your husband to blow off steam when he needs to. But don't take abuse. Remind him that you aren't the enemy, and that you are there for him. But don't push. I know when all this was happening to me, I was angry at the world. It is such a helpless position to be in, knowing that you did nothing wrong, but everyone believing you did. And in these cases you are pretty much guilty until proven innocent. Pray for a speedy outcome. And take one day at a time. I am really sorry that you guys have to go through this.

Cassie

Chelsea - posted on 11/17/2009

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Thank you for you advice. Things just got ALOT worse!! The cops just left agin...she got a pfa (protection from abuse order). The papers say that he touched her in a privet area 2 times with in a month and there are belt marks on her back!!! Number one I would NOT allow that kind of crap in my house!!! and number two my husband would NEVER touch a child in that way EVER!!! If I ever found out he was using a belt on the kids I would not be here. I do not believe in that!!! Since he got these papers I have tried to tell him I am here for him and all he has done is yell at me and threaten to end my marrage to him!!! What do I do now???!!!

Alicia - posted on 11/17/2009

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omg! this is crazy but after we got full custody of my husbands daughter her mother called "dfs" delaware family services on us claiming abuse also for a scratch on her arm she had got at the play ground. they did a investigation and of course nothing was wrong with her. jus a little scratch all she did was make her self look like a liar and a manipulater[spelled wrong] nothing came about the claim..they just checked our house and closed the case! i know its stressful cuz it was stressful for us also! its horrible being accused of stuff yu did not do! especially towards your own child!!! or step-child!!! just keep your cool god knows the truth and the truth will come out in the end!

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