If you had of known at the beginning what you were in for, would you still have done it?

Di - posted on 03/22/2009 ( 127 moms have responded )

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Hindsight is a wonderful thing. My question is if you had of known how hard and how much work being a sm is, would you still make the choice to become a sm?

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Julie - posted on 04/23/2009

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It's a tricky question this one and I think honestly the answer would change for most of us on a daily basis. If you had asked me this question 5 to 7 years ago it would have a resounding NO! But things change. I did some councilling for depression and I recall the doctor saying to me once - even though it feels hard you are doing the right thing (I was the ONLY one who offered any kind of discipline and expectations on my SD) and it was HARD. I was the wicked witch of the west! But those were wise words. Now that she is older 13 - we have a pretty good relationship and understanding of where each other is at and I have never EVER heard her talk to me the way her she talks to her BM. (Thank God for that!) My theory is I have had a mojor influence on her life over the last ten years and it has mostly been the voice of reason. I dread to to think how she may have turned out without that influence - so I have to say yes I would. But I REALLY wish I could have seen where we are now five years ago... because then there were times I had had enough and almost left. I'm glad I stuck at it - but it's never easy.

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Jamie - posted on 06/18/2009

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Hell Yes, I am the stepmother to three, 23, 20 and 13. Have 2 kids of my own, 18 and 14. We have been blessed, have lived together for five years. I wouldn't trade it for nothing. I feel lucky because I know that my step kids love me. I am their friend more than anything. I let my husband parent his kids and I parent or discipline mine as well. It isn't always perfect but life never is. In my life I had a really good SM and a very bad one. I learned from the good one how to be. It is fun.I love my Step kids so much, I feel like they are my own.

Irene - posted on 06/15/2009

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no i would have not the first years dealing with the x-wife was the worst, if it wasnt for my husband i would have been in jail for beating her up.... now its not as bad but its not any better having to deal with her because my husband doesnt want to is horrible.. and the worst is that his oldest is now 14yrs and has attitude, the only good thing is not in my house and not with me....

[deleted account]

I love my SS with all my heart! I only wish we were able to spend more time with him. It is soooooo hard to be everything my husband & him need but I manage the best I can. My husband & I tracked the BM down across 3 states for a year & a half just to get the opportunity to go to court.The BM does not take very good care of him she leaves him w her mom(a drug addict for years) too often & she doesn't take care of his hygiene or diet very well. My SS has had 4 teeth pulled, 3 fillings, a baby root canal, & a crown and he is only 2. But since she is the mom & the court system doesn't give dads enough rights we are fighting like hell to change his situation.There are days that I can barely breath bc it gets to me so much & I have so much anger toward the BM for putting her son thru this & depriving him of a terrific father but I have to find ways to deal with that anger bc it only hurts me & my SS. So I bite my tongue & put on my biggest smile so all he sees are the happy moments. I know that I was brought into my husbands life so I can help him through this & help his son know that there is another way to live life and that he is loved more than anything! So although its tough & there are days I would love to not have to think about the drama & not have to fight for whats right I wouldn't give up my husband or that beautiful baby boy with his infectious smile for anything in this world no matter how much I must hurt to give him a better life.

Caren - posted on 06/14/2009

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Yes, because I cannot imagine a life path that did not include my biological children. But all other things being equal, absolutely not!!!! For all those stepmoms that have dealt with real BM drama, I don't need to say more.

Robyn - posted on 06/12/2009

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Well to be honest, I don't really know if I would have done it if I had known what it was going to be like. I love my husband very much, and we have known each other for a few years before coming into each others lives again. When we came back into each others lives, he had custody of his son where before he did not.


We got married this time, and I became the SM of at first an out of control kid. I also had two kids of my own so dealing with a kid who had no rules or boundries was really hard to deal with. He see his BM every other weekend, and during the summer, which sometimes he can be a bigger handful when he gets back home to us. Somtimes I think how I wish it was the other way around, and I know it is sad but it is very stressful with him sometimes, but I do love my SS. I guess I would do it because I do love my husband very much, so I guess loving him means loving his son.

Theresa - posted on 06/09/2009

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I think that there are days when it's yes and days when it's no. I met my husband and his son when he was only 6 months old and he lives with us full time so I went from being single to being a wife and mother along with having one of our own all in one month....so needless to say it was a struggle at first for me to let go of "my time" and focus on them, but since he's here all of the time and there is no BM to contend with it's not too bad. The BM has not seen him since he was about 10 months and he's 7 now so I am more or less his mom. I do find that sometimes I can be harder on him than I am with the 3 year old but not sure if that's due to age or the fact that he's a ss.

Theresa - posted on 06/09/2009

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I think that there are days when it's yes and days when it's no. I met my husband and his son when he was only 6 months old and he lives with us full time so I went from being single to being a wife and mother along with having one of our own all in one month....so needless to say it was a struggle at first for me to let go of "my time" and focus on them, but since he's here all of the time and there is no BM to contend with it's not too bad. The BM has not seen him since he was about 10 months and he's 7 now so I am more or less his mom. I do find that sometimes I can be harder on him than I am with the 3 year old but not sure if that's due to age or the fact that he's a ss.

Nancy - posted on 06/09/2009

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Yes, despite the fact things are difficult at the moment. At first it looked easy -- my husband was doing well raising the kids on his own, and was on great terms with his ex. The only problem is that the relationship with the ex is now strained. I had not imagined how this 3rd person (who lives thousands of miles away) could cause such stress in our family. But I know that we are providing a good home and a great foundation for our kids, and that they will become outstanding adults when the time comes. In the meantime, we are determined to set a better example than their BM.

Rebecca - posted on 06/08/2009

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Quoting Candie:

I would absolutely have to say no, I wouldn't have done it. I truly believe that when a man marries for the second time, as a condition of getting the marriage license, a psychological evaluation of the first wife should be presented to the prospective wife, so she REALLY knows what she is in for... If i would have realized the depth of the psychiosis of his first wife, i would have ran as fast as i could. the damage that she has done to my husband and their children is beyond normal human comprehension.


Candie, I had to crack up when I read your response I found it to be hilarious. Because it's true and yet "moms" think step-mom's are the problem. There was another question about getting children phones because the step-mom wouldn't let the child call mom. I said do we know the child is telling the truth and that the step-mom has even been asked what was going on when the situation happened. This group of women jumped on step-moms probably 95% moms to 5% step-moms. The more of the responses I read the madder I was getting. Talk about the hardest job I've ever had. Step-mom's get hit from all directions and we don't ever get the praise for the good things that we do. I make mistakes, my husband does, so does the mom, so does the step-dad. It's common sense that everyone would from time to time. I find in my situation the mom is very jealous natured. But yeah! I love ya. I wish more people understood what we go through!

Candie - posted on 06/08/2009

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I would absolutely have to say no, I wouldn't have done it. I truly believe that when a man marries for the second time, as a condition of getting the marriage license, a psychological evaluation of the first wife should be presented to the prospective wife, so she REALLY knows what she is in for... If i would have realized the depth of the psychiosis of his first wife, i would have ran as fast as i could. the damage that she has done to my husband and their children is beyond normal human comprehension.

Tracy - posted on 06/08/2009

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No, I honestly don't think I would. It's nothing personal against my stepchildren, it's the whole 'blended family' scenario (including difficulties between my husband and my own son from a previous relationship). Whilst we all love each other and get on, the last 7 years have been hard work - if it wasn't for issues with one child or another, my husband and I would rarely argue.

Sandy - posted on 06/08/2009

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When I married my husband 12 1/2 years ago, I did not realize what I actually getting myself into! The first years were hard..........but I have to say that they were not just hard for me, but also for my stepdaughter and two stepsons as well as my own biological son. I said and did a lot of things....(including reacting to their mother in ways that I only wish I could take back now!!!)....that I wish I would have been able to handle differently. However, we have all grown and changed and we all get along very well...I am pleased to say. Their mom and I also get along pretty well too! I am so very thankful for that....it is so awesome to be more like friends than enemies! I now have a beautiful granddaughter from my stepdaughter and she and her mom and my stepsons could not be any more my own than my two biological children. I do wish that it would have happened earlier than it did.....but everything happens for a reason and I am extremely proud to say that I have 5 children and a granddaughter who is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen!!!!!!!! It was work for my husband and I in our marriage.....but the best advice that I can give is for those of you who may just be starting out is to remember the love that brought you two together in the first place.....see your spouse in the children and work on the relationship for his benefit if you can't do it for your own. One very important piece of advice that no one told me is that you cannot immediately love another woman's children because you do not have the same bond as you do with a biological child......you have to grow and learn to love them....the same way that you grew to love your spouse. So, don't kick yourself when you feel like you should like them more than you do. Finally, TALK to each other and don't yell.....it never works that way!

Sandy - posted on 06/08/2009

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When I married my husband 12 1/2 years ago, I did not realize what I actually getting myself into! The first years were hard..........but I have to say that they were not just hard for me, but also for my stepdaughter and two stepsons as well as my own biological son. I said and did a lot of things....(including reacting to their mother in ways that I only wish I could take back now!!!)....that I wish I would have been able to handle differently. However, we have all grown and changed and we all get along very well...I am pleased to say. Their mom and I also get along pretty well too! I am so very thankful for that....it is so awesome to be more like friends than enemies! I now have a beautiful granddaughter from my stepdaughter and she and her mom and my stepsons could not be any more my own than my two biological children. I do wish that it would have happened earlier than it did.....but everything happens for a reason and I am extremely proud to say that I have 5 children and a granddaughter who is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen!!!!!!!! It was work for my husband and I in our marriage.....but the best advice that I can give is for those of you who may just be starting out is to remember the love that brought you two together in the first place.....see your spouse in the children and work on the relationship for his benefit if you can't do it for your own. One very important piece of advice that no one told me is that you cannot immediately love another woman's children because you do not have the same bond as you do with a biological child......you have to grow and learn to love them....the same way that you grew to love your spouse. So, don't kick yourself when you feel like you should like them more than you do. Finally, TALK to each other and don't yell.....it never works that way! And YES...I would do it all over again if I had the choice....just a little differently!

Lisa - posted on 06/06/2009

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Melanie,



I just came across your posting.  I also have a step son who has tried to hurt me.  When I read your post it sounded like me talking.  I call my step son the golden child.  He can do no wrong in his father's eyes.  He is 16 now and just before he turned 16 he burned our house down with a candle.  We lost everything.  He was hiding in a closet burning school papers and thought he put the flame out but he did not.  If I had to do over again i would not have married my husband and took on the roll of full time mom for his son.  My husband has custody of him and he lives with us and my 17 and 15 year old all the time.  His biological mom only see's him about 4 weeks out of the year.  If I had known how hard this would be I would never have done it.



Thank you for listening.  I could go on and on about my step son but I won't it get's me no where.



Lisa M.



 



 



Quoting Melanie:

I can honestly say no. What really gets me is that even if my husband and I got divorced I would take my step-son with me. My step-son drives me up a wall, is very disrespectful and has even tried to hurt me several times. Yet I know that I am the only one who cares enough to make sure his homework is done, teeth are brushed, etc. I worry that my daughter doesn't get enough attention becaus ei am always having to deal with my step-son and my husband shows obvious favortism. Now we are expecting a baby in a few months and I am really worried about him hurting the baby out of jealousy. He has hurt my daughhter more times than I can count - usually because his father was paying attention to her.





 

Rebecca - posted on 06/05/2009

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No way! My husband and I never had a chance of making our relationship work. My step sons and I got along well in the beginning. Their mom can be extremely catty! She spoils the kids and as a result they feel that they deserve to get everything they want with no understanding that they don't need all these possessions and that others can't always afford to do things for them. They don't want to be at our house because they aren't spoiled there. We don't take them to a lot of places to eat or do things. We can't afford to! My husband treats his sons different than our adoptive daughter. They can do no wrong. If I had any inkling what things would have been like I would have never married my spouse.

Kristin - posted on 06/05/2009

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I knew somewhat of the things that were going to happen only because my mother is a step mom too. I have the worst drama with my sons' mother. And I think about it everyday, "is this worth it?" Then when I see Kobe running at me full blown when he gets off the bus, makes a great play in baseball/football, or when I found out that Zack is volunteering at the Humane Society, I think "Yep, I made the right decision." Because if I didn't get to experience these things with them, then I would miss out what a happy life. I agree with Kenna too. Nothing that she can do will make me change my mind and everything that we are going thru is making us a stronger family.

Melissa - posted on 06/05/2009

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There is no question that I love my SSand her father with all my heart.I met her when she was 15months, she is about to turn 7. I love her as much as the daughter I gave birth to.



I would happily give up all the time we have spent in court room (13 and counting) just to get contact. Or the fact that we had to up root our family and move to another state, far from friends and family.



I hope that one day her BM realises what she has done. I see a little girl who is so scared that her mother will go mad if she see's her hung us good by. The tears I have had to wipe away because she has told her Dad does not love anymore, because he has a new little girl.



As much as I am sick of the constant crap. I love this little girl more.

My life is so much better off for having my family

Jacquie - posted on 06/04/2009

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I would still have gotten into my relationship. I love my fiance with all my heart, and his kids are wonderful.. We don't have the bond that my son and I do, but that is due to the BM in the beginning of our relationship thinking that I was going to take her place. Now two years later, court dates, lawyers, and all that fun stuff her and I are better friends than the two of them. The BM and I talk everyday at least once sometimes even more than that.

There are mistakes that we have both made; however we are working on fixing those mistakes before it is too late for the kids. We all love all of the kids very much. The only thing I would ask for is that the SK's respect me more than what they do (but that is hard to ask when the BP's are not making them respect them..)

To sum it all up, I wouldn't change anything

Maddy - posted on 06/04/2009

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i'm not an 'official' sm yet either, but i have a child with my pertner so what's a piece of paper worth!?! it's difficult being a sm, not because of the kid herself, but because of bm, and even when bm is not making a fuss, i find it really REALLY difficult to deal with the was the child was raised, because it's so different to how i would (and will) raise children. but i have to live by those rules whenever SD is around because i'm not the mum, therefore i have no authority. what makes it unbearable is constantly wondering if my rules will be followed by sd when my own child is old enough to understand power games, or will there e two sets of rules???? if i'd known how it would be, i still would have done it, but that doesn't mean i can't wish!!

Laura - posted on 06/03/2009

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No way! However, not that I am in it, it would kill me to leave my stepdaughter, even though my relationship with my husband has really suffered over of all the baby mama drama!!

Sonya - posted on 06/02/2009

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I guess you can say I am a firm believer in that saying, "everything happen for a reason", Just to start it all over with the drama and the chaos in the very begining from my husbands kids telling me they hate me when thier mom started telling them she hated me so they should too, and from the I'm gonna whoop your butt calls and the snobby looks yes I would still do it again, because I never left I wanted to show them I was strong and wanted to take care of them and love them. Now my SK love me they call me mom and their BM is not in thier lives much anymore. I believe that my SK BM would have still done drugs which she was doing before I met my husband and nobody would have been around to watch my SD and SS grow up no female in thier lives nobody to pray with them at night they would be missing a piece to them, I am not saying I can fill in that whole missing piece that they are missing due to thier BM but gosh darn it I try my best they love me for me and they are the sweetest kids, I pay attention to them and hear them out like any other parent would come to thier rescue when they are sad or have something they really need to get off thier chest and I am glad to be that person there for them and to love them. So yes I would do it all over again just to watch them grow up again :)

Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2009

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honestly, i don't know... i love my step children, but at the same time my husband constantly wants to take his ex to court to try to get custody... except we have no proof of anything going wrong in her household... how do you prove mental abuse? just because they aren't dressed in clothes that aren't stained and ripped... unfortunately where we live unless you come up with something REALLY good, the mother gets to keep the kids...

[deleted account]

My husband and I have been together 4+ years and married 1yr, sometimes I think it would have been easier to just be friends,especially with the BM bullsh*t drama, but I honestly can't imagine my life without my 2 stepsons (I have a daughter from a previous marriage and my hubby and I have a son) I was a stepmom of 3 kids my first marriage and when I got a divorce, it was soo hard to let go of them, because I loved them and wanted to be a part of their lives. I mourned my divorce because of the stepkids I had to leave behind, the only time I got to see them (and they were the best behaved and loving kids ever) is when I dropped off my daughter at her fathers place every other weekend. I swore to myself I would never get involved with a man with children, but lo and behold I did it again! But I do love my husband more than anything, he is my best friend and I love and care about my stepsons and only want the best for them.

Lia - posted on 05/14/2009

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honestly no i wouldnt still have done this. marrying someone who had kids with 3 differnt women has caused a lot of heart ache and a lot of pain, frustration, and a lot of reality checks. even now if i didnt have the love i do for my husband i would walk away from my marriage and not look back ever.

Nicole - posted on 05/13/2009

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I always told myself that I would not marry anyone with kids, until I met my husband of 3 1/2 yrs. In the beginning while we were dating it was hard. The biomom tried to find ways to make me made and push me away. As we continued to date and I saw how good of a father he was and man, I started caring for him more each day. Before we got married, we decided to get joint custody to keep down some confusion. As the years have gone by things have gotten better and I am glad I made the choice I did to marry him.



I must admit, this is not a situation for the weak!

Carmin - posted on 05/01/2009

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Like someone before me said, I met my bf and I loved him but I really hated kids. They hated me too. But she actually loved me and I love her. It not happily ever after cause I have BM to deal with. She isn't a bitch but she's there and sometimes I wish I can erase her out the picture... not kill her... NO! Just erase her with my pencil... LOL! I never expected the SM thing but it's not that bad... I dont want to say step.... I'll just say my other daughter:)

Kristin - posted on 05/01/2009

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Oh my, well this is something I've asked myself often. There are days I wished to have a simplier life. Days I wished to have a "Normal Life" where my husband had only been married to me, and only had children with me,especially not having all the BM Drama! But then I think to myself...If I never married my husband I would never of had my two sons, my SD would never of had a Mother in her life (As she has a very slack one) I think about all their I love you's, and I wouldn't trade my life for any other. Being a SM has taught me strengths, and a different kind of love I never knew I had. Being a SM has taught me to be a better Mother. I can honestly answer this with, I would do it all again in a heart beat.

[deleted account]

My answer would have to be yes. It has been a long haul, but I am very involved and love every good moment that we have as a family. As for the not so fun moments... well, lets just say that it has been a learning experience. BM and SO's family is a major PIMA, but I have asked everyone to all act like grownups when the children are present. Life is precious. Things all happen for a reason.

Amanda - posted on 04/30/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

Ya know what Ive thought a long time about this an I would do it all again but instead of letting my husbands family try an run the picture i would put them in their place from the get go. I love my husband an SD an I love my son with all my heart. If it was just the 3 of us life would be just wonderful but having to deal with his side is ridiculous. They lie to my hubby about everything they tell him a bunch of crap about me amongst other stuff. They try an rip our family apart. They have already stated Im not allowed in my SD life anymore because she called me mommy. Im tired of it all I wish I could disappear sometimes just so I dont have to put up with them. But like I said I love my family


 

Amanda - posted on 04/30/2009

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I have not had any problems thus far with BM, but then again I have only known SS a year. I had a TERRIBLE experience before when I had a boyfriend with 2 sons and the mom tried everything to destroy us (it worked) but I still miss those kids even after all these years. But my SS now IS my 4th son. He is a part of my heart like the rest of my boys and I love him VERY much.



Regardless of any situation I love him and I want him to know that. I can't stop being a mom to my birth children and I love them to death so why would I ever chose to stop being a mom to my step son? Even though he has a natural mother doesn't mean that his step mommy can't love him the same.



So to answer your question I would do it over a million times. I have nothing against the BM and I would like to get to know her so there is no problems between us. I am grateful for her because without her I would not have my 4th son :O)

Amanda - posted on 04/30/2009

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Ya know what Ive thought a long time about this an I would do it all again but instead of letting my husbands try an run the picture i would put them in their place from the get go. I love my husband an SD an I love my son with all my heart. If it was just the 3 of us life would be just wonderful but having to deal with his side is ridiculous. They lie to my hubby about everything they tell him a bunch of crap about me amongst other stuff. They try an rip our family apart. They have already stated Im not allowed in my SD life anymore because she called me mommy. Im tired of it all I wish I could disappear sometimes just so I dont have to put up with them. But like I said I love my family

Rene - posted on 04/29/2009

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Quoting Lisa:



Quoting Melanie:

Yes and No.
Yes because I have a beautiful, happy, silly, and behaved baby boy of my own out of our marriage... and yes if the BM wasn't involved...
BUT I would definately say NO if I didn't have my son.
I am not strong enough most days to deal with the BM. My husband supports me, and I LOVE HIM! ...but the children are so loyal to their BM... and we can't tell them the things she does or says... as it isn't appropriate to talk about a childs mother to them.
I try to do everything I can for my 2 step children, but they never say "thank-you" or acknowledge anything I do for them... plus they don't get that most of the things we do for them are things that their BM has failed to do...and again, it isn't appropriate for us to point that out and talk about their BM to them.
The children are JUST like their BM...selfish, manipulative, and feel that things are owed to them and that they are the victim when they don't get what they want..... but without the BM's influence, I know they could be better people and so like I said before, I would not have any regrets if the BM wasn't involved.
I try and try to remember it is just about "being there" for the kids, but it is sooo very hard to not have resentments and frustration towards them because of their BM's actions or their inherited behaviors.
I have made the choice so I must stand by it. The kids love my son so very much and I do not want a broken family. I seek to this on-line group for the strength and the relief I get from hearing other people struggling with the BM. I wish I could feel at peace and be strong always... I really do want to be free of the anger and resentment. ...I do try. And I do love my husband, but I never would have dreamed to have the struggles we have with the kids and BM... I am regretful to say that I constantly think of the time the kids are 18 but also try to remember that if I stay strong and supportive that maybe one day they will see that I was always there when their mom wasn't and maybe they will see she is not the saint they believe her to be... not that I want that sadness in their hearts, but I just want the recognition and appreciation and acknowledgement I guess... is that wrong??






Melanie.  I feel the exact same way you do.  And I mean exact.  Sounds like we have similar situations.  And it's nice to know someone else is struggling with the same problems as me.  Like you, I am so grateful that I got my amazing baby boy out of the marriage. 



 



 



Well, we three must be triplets then....because Melanie and Lisa....I do not need to even put my own reply....it's a cut and paste of yours!  The only difference is that my hubby and I had no children of our own.  I love him so much though and I so believe in our vows and promises to each other.    Thank God I'm not alone in this stuff!



 



 



 





 

Cheryl - posted on 04/29/2009

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I've asked myself this question quite often. I love my hubs and he's a good hubs and father but honestly...NO way would I do it again, if I knew what I was in for!! I would run fast and far! I'm not into baby mama drama, way too exhausting!!

Jenifer - posted on 04/29/2009

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if i knew now at the beginning i would still be married to my husband and step mom to our princess but i would defintly do things different..lol.. but i love her way to much not to be in her life.

Heather - posted on 04/23/2009

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ABSOLUTELY! Where there is great oppression, there is great victory to come!

Tori - posted on 04/23/2009

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I love my DH but I really don't think I have the personality that you need to be able to appropiatley deal with this situation...when i first met my husband, everything was great...the problem started to arise when we had our first child. Although my SS is almost 13 we still have the same issues and I don't ever see them changin on that end. Alot of things have been said and done that we both have very unresolve feelings surrounding these issues...hence that's why I am on this site. For me, the bad out ways the good and I feel that I have to buy into the perception of double standards in order for us to come to terms on this situation. So defintley no. In another life, i would want to fall in love with a man that shared the same experience as I.

Joni - posted on 04/21/2009

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I would do it again and again. The love and joy I gain from my SD always out weights the insanity and drama I get from the BM :)

Cindi - posted on 04/17/2009

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I read these and see a very common factor. I am a soon to be stepmom and the constant drama from BM is enough to drive anyone INSANE!!! I ask myself and my fiance can I deal with a lifetime of this? One thing in our favor is we have the same values and ideas on raising children( I have a 12 year old daughter from 1st marriage) so I pray it will all be worth it.

Beckie - posted on 04/17/2009

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100% YES!!! I knew from day 1 that my husband had a child (he was only 6 months old when we met) and I was never afraid of becoming "too attached" to either of them. I love my stepson with all my heart. Now that my husband and I are having our first child together, I am excited to expand our family and to have my SS be the great big brother I know he will be. While there may be tough times because involved in a stepfamily, being a part of my SS life is worth every second of them!!!

Abby - posted on 04/17/2009

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YEP!!! We all have hard days but there is nothing and noone that I would ever let take my boys away!!!

[deleted account]

We are not married yet but we have been together for 4 years and have a DS (almost 6 months). I would, without a single doubt in my mind do it again.I am aware this is not for everyone but I can;t imagine not having them as SS. I love them as much as my own.

User - posted on 04/17/2009

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I definaterly would. My advice to anyone who is thinking about getting married to someone with kids, would be to talk about all of it. All the parenting has to be equal and respected. It is a hard job. They say being a mom is a thankless job, well being a SM is a thankless, and thoughless job. You still do the same amount of work, but they only remember their mom. Love my step-son's would never trade them!!!!

Pamela - posted on 04/16/2009

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100% yes i would do it again and again and again. Our bio mum is a complete nutter but my DP is the best partner, father, lover that i could ever wish for, i could not imagine my life without my step kids, they are planted in my soul for life. They have their issues and problems but i wouldnt be able to handle not having them with us.

Kimi - posted on 04/16/2009

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I love being a stepmom! We get to take care of a sweet little girl half the time and enjoy the life of newlyweds the other half of the time. It's the perfect set up. We're waiting a bit longer than I thought we would to have a baby together because we just love the way it is right now.

That being said I would happily be her mom full time if it meant we did'nt have to deal with her bio mom. Our daughter would miss out though. She needs to have both worlds for her sake.

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