Im giving up...

Jessica - posted on 03/03/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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So the bm and my husband were texting about my sd going to the dentist. Well that night my husband through a bitch fit when I started looking through his phone to see what was said. So when he was not in the room I forwarded all the messages to my phone. well I looked on the computer today and seen that they were texting all day long. and only half of the messages were on his phone. so of course he deleted them. This is the second time this has happened. I told him last night before I seen the messages on the computer that I think he is up to something. and I told him this morning that I don't trust him anymore and I took of my wedding ring and told him when he gets one ( a wedding ring) I will put mine back on. (we have been married for over a year now) so he should have a ring. I feel like i am being played and im soooo very tired of it.... what do I do?? am I over reacting?? Please help me...



ok so I just told my husband that he can tell me what they talked about or we are getting a divorce and he told me that she was texting him saying that she still had fellings for him and she hopes he does too.



He said that he didnt tell me because he did not want to make things worse for my sd. but it hurts me more that he didnt tell me...

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Karen - posted on 03/03/2010

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so sorry yuor going threw this. No words of advice for you but hang in there.

Di - posted on 03/07/2010

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Hi Jessica. I think (and this is just my opinion) that wether he wears a ring or not it wont make any difference to his attitude. It has to come from his heart. In all honesty, don't go near the bm or her boyfriend, these things have a way of blowing up in your face, especially if you have done it all to pay the bm back and not for concern of the bm's bf welfare. Now that she knows their texting got to you, she will use that, especially if he has told you the truth that she still has feelings for you. Alls fair in love and war remember. I feel for you because I can sense your frustration at this. But there is nothing that you can do to change either of their behaviour. You can only change yours. How, only you can answer that. Is this a deal breaker for you? If the answer is yes then you have to calmly tell him that his behaviour isn't acceptable and if it continues then you cant see any future in your relationship and you will have to rethink your position. But you have to mean exactly what you say. If the crunch comes and you know you wont leave but threaten to, he will take that as no consequences. I hope you work it out, good luck.

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Jessica - posted on 03/09/2010

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Thanks everybody for all your help. I do have some questions. 1. How do I trust him again? 2. This hurt me so badly, How do I quit hurting over this? and 3. I love him very much but I can't trust him and I know that it will take some time but I don't think I love him the same way. oh and for the ring thing I made him promise me that he would get one last weekend and he promised me but still no ring and then he tried to blame it on me saying that im suppose to get him a ring so its my fault that he does not have one.

Natalie - posted on 03/07/2010

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He needs to be honest with you about things, yes they will always have to communicate because they have a daughter together, but the conversations should not be hidden, and you should be able to to trust him to talk to her. I think you both need to sit down and talk because it is important for the child that her parents can talk. But the mom needs to realize now that he is married and what she is saying is disrespectful to you and your husband. Those feelings should have been shared before you to got married. Now your husband needs to earn your trust!!

Drea - posted on 03/07/2010

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he's got no business there. ur prolly pefect in every way n he's gonna f that up im sorry for ur pain. if that was me id say see ya

Debbie - posted on 03/06/2010

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wow Firstly he should have a ring, I would just buy him one and then he has no choice, unless he isnt committed. Secondly, I understand the whole "didnt want to tell you' thing so it didnt hurt your feelings or make it worse, but my question is, why did it take him all day to say "no go away" How would he feel if the roles were reversed? I bet he wouldnt be so accepting. Good luck! Dont make any rash decisions, think everything through, but definately buy him a ring! You could make it special, dinner and then ring, thing.

[deleted account]

Ok well I agree with you that is kind of a silly reason- I would have it out with him, demand to know the real reason he wont wear it. It may be simply that he doesnt like jewellry, or it might be something he's trying to hide- find out either way.

BM is clearly lying but I would be again, discussing with yr hubby why he felt it necessary to keep responding.

I can understand why you told BM"s boyfriend, there was alot I used to want to tell the men in our BM's life but you have to remember his feelings could get hurt out of this too. Arguably he needs to know, but if I were you I would avoid being the one who opens his eyes in future- sometimes people dont react the way you think they will and you can end up looking the bad guy. That's just my opinion.

Jessica - posted on 03/05/2010

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so updating on this.... My husband does not wear a ring becase " we dont have the money to get one" well we just got our income tax and a ring would be $100-200.. Im pretty sure we can afford it...



Last night I told off the bm and said do you really think that he is going to leave his family for you... Her excuse was " I left my phone at work" meaning that she didnt send the text messages. I told her she was full of shit... 1. if she did leave her phone at work then when she seen the messages on her phone she would have text or called my husband and apoligize for it. 2. she is a little kid. very childish and such a terrible person. so i know she did it.



And I know it was kinda a bitch move but i did go to bm boyfriend's work and told him what had happened!!!

[deleted account]

Wow. Ok well I can see his point, it would have hurt you and made things worse. But I am concerned that he didnt discuss it with you- my husband ALWAYS showed me these kinds of texts/emails etc to prove that he had nothing to hide. To the point that BM calls him my 'puppet' b/c she thinks I make him show me. Also why was he texting all day long? What can there have been to say?? I'm not saying that your husband does have anything to hide, he may genuinely have been trying to spare your feelings and sort it out himself, in which case good for him for manning-up.
In terms of the ring, is it b/c of his work that he doesn't wear one? I know some tradesman cant wear them b/c of th erisk of de-gloving the skin on their fingers or the risk of electrocution? My dad, for instant has never even owned one. If this is the case maybe he could get one to wear when he's not working?

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