Im nervous about meeting my young step daughter for the first time shes only 6

Gaynor - posted on 04/14/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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the date for my partner to go to court to get access to his daughter has been set and im a bit nervous of meeting my new 6 yr old step daughter hoping that she likes me am i being nervous for nothing?>

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Danielle - posted on 04/14/2010

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Don't assume anything. Don't assume BM said bad or good things about you. My daughter's father was married to his wife when he first started seeing my daughter when she was two. i knew absolutely nothing about her stepmom and I told her just that. Turns out her stepmom is great and we get along wonderfully. In fact she is the one who showed me how to be a good stepmom to my hubbies boys. Just remember that this is a 6yo chils who has her own personality and her own opinions. Be respectful of her and be kind to her. Everything else will just fall into place.

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Fiona - posted on 04/23/2010

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my advice is to just be yourself and as hard as you may feel it will be just relax as she may be curious about you but she may also be confused so if you keep it light and easy going it will take the pressure off and let a relationship foster slowly .
good luck and enjoy. i met my step duaghter when she was 5 and even through all the BM hassles my SD and i now have a wonderful relation ship and she is now almost 15

Laura - posted on 04/22/2010

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don't try to push it, kids have a bs meter and they can smell fear!!!! six is a pretty easy age, the crat idea above is a great idea. make sure you stand firm and don't be a doormat. let dad do all the parentig at first. if it seems like she is hesitant sit her down and explain to her that you arent trying to take moms place, that you are just one more person in her life who wants to help take care of her and love her, if she will let you. maybe ask some questions about her mom to shiow you are interested in hearing about her mom and that its okay. i helped my bonus daughter make a "MOM BOX" we took a big shoe box and decorated it ( me mostly supervising ) then we put stuff in there that reminded her of her mom. . pictures of them together, birthday cards, some nail polish mom had left behind. that way if she gets sad and misses mom while shes at our house she can take it our when ever she wants. make sure you let her know you are interested in hearing about her mom but dont be pushy. make sure you ask about her too. whats her favorite dinner? color? book. who is her best friend. it's a long road but you will get there. if you guys are going to have visitaion pretty often start a project you can work on just the two of you, either a big puzzle or a garden. this will give her positive association when she is with her mom ( even if she is hearing negative things, this will over ride that ) just give it time :)

Sandy - posted on 04/22/2010

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as long as you are kind and warm and affectionate that is all that matters to a six year old

[deleted account]

Oh I've been where you are right now! TWO different times! My first husband had two teenagers when I married him. My second husband had twin little girls (age 5 at the time)
So I've done this a few times. The teenagers were a little harder than the little girls. I played it cool. Don't push yourself on them, let them warm to you. When the teenagers learned that I listened to rock music their eyes lit up and I got my first little bit of warming from them.
As far as the little girls... I planned ahead. I went to the dollar store and got a million little crafty things for them. I had materials to make hair bows, we had fingernail polish and the little rhinestone jewels that stick in the nail polish. I picked up a huge booty of cheap makeup and lots of little-girl cheap jewelry. I stayed in the background while the girls and daddy got comfortable with each other again. I brought drinks and served food and didn't push them too much. When everyone came inside for night time, I never said a word to the girls, but dumped all my goodies out on the table instead. I started playing by myself. It took just minutes before those girls climbed into chairs and started "helping" me.

I learned with the teenagers, yes, their momma is trashing me. And their daddy... but when the kids come to the house, they see we are nothing like what their momma was telling them. They even SAID this to me! They might be short.. they might be young.. they might be impressionable... but they are NOT stupid. You be yourself... do the right thing... and those kids are going to love you.. no matter what anybody tells them.

Anna - posted on 04/20/2010

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why cant my SDs BM be more like danielle, your great!

be yourself, be positive and have something fun to do on 1st visit. let your SD approach you with questions (if she has any). dont force yourself onto her. im sure she'll love you when she gets used to you.

my SD was also 6yrs old when i first met her. i was bitter on my 1st visit cos we had to cough up £500 per visit (hubby didnt know his rights concerning maintenance) but when i finally met her she was lovely. a bit shy at first but then after half hour she wouldnt stop talking! she was telling me stories about her mum, dad and rest of her family. hubby was a bit embarrassed, he thought me hearing about SDs BMs family would upset/anger/embarrass me but its how you get to know children.

i really hope it goes well for you, x

Sarah - posted on 04/18/2010

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I was a bit nervous when I met my SD for the first time. It was not a fun time for the most part. She was 11 and had it in her head that she was going to get mom and dad back together. The first year I tried my hardest to get along with her and do things with her. The 2nd year was hell for me. SD made it very rough almost to the point that I told my husband at the time it was either her or I. After my husband had a long talk with my SD that I was bending over backwards for her and she was just plain being mean. My husband had told her that if her attitude didn't stop then I had the choice of doing the same to her as she was to me. At the end of the 2nd year she had applogized for the poor way she treated me. By the 3rd year she came to visit, she was a whole new person, with a new attitude on life. I got a hug, and an appology from her for the way she had acted towards me. Now this is the 5th year my husband and I will be married and I have the best relationship with my SD. If you can find out what things she likes to do and start out small. You never know she might like the idea of having 2 moms and having more grandparents to boot. My SD loves my parents.

Jessica - posted on 04/14/2010

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Its normal to be nervous. and im sure that the bm put it in your sd ear that you are "an evil stepmother" just dont let it get to you!!! I hope everything works out for the best!!

Betty - posted on 04/14/2010

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That depends on how you are hopeing she will react when she meets you. If BM got into her ear it could take a while for her to warm up to both of you. Just do what you can to make her happy around you but don't turn into a doormat. This will be a happy time for your family.

Betty - posted on 04/14/2010

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That depends on how you are hopeing she will react when she meets you. If BM got into her ear it could take a while for her to warm up to both of you. Just do what you can to make her happy around you but don't turn into a doormat. This will be a happy time for your family.

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