issues with partner seeing his daughter need advise

Anna - posted on 08/11/2010

laura i cannot agree more! documenting things got us out of a massive hole that bio mum dug for us. her lies were disproved through txts and her own paperwork that i kept a record of.

Laura - posted on 08/11/2010

keep the contact with the biomother through email ONLY. including asking her to have visitaion, mention the bond and prior living arrangments ( i.e. we lived together for three years ) this way you can document his requests to see his daughter and her denials. then if it continues, take it to a lawyer. make sure not to call names, even if it's hard, keep a level head and be respectful. keep in mind you are showing it to a judge!!! this has helped us SO much. we got to show us being rational, and her being irrational and not looking for what was in the kids' best interest. good luck

Anna - posted on 08/11/2010

6 hours travelling???!!! love youve got to mention this to the courts! you cant travel 6 hours to spend a couple of hours with the child. does his daughter want to stay over night with you both? if so then she has no way of stopping you if it goes to court.
visitation for my hubby was everyother weekend for the whole weekend and once a week for tea, we only lived 5 mins down the road.
social services told us that to keep a healthy bond between dad and daughter they had to see eachother on a regular basis. are you taking it to court or are you going to get a solicitor to send her a letter requesting overnight visits?

Amanda - posted on 08/09/2010

its still going through court so some rogress is better than none i suppose its her birthday next week and this sunday is the first time in 8 weeks he ll have seen her so hope everything goes well .....thank you all so much for you mments.

Amanda - posted on 08/09/2010

its not almost 8 weeks weve made some progress in seeing his daughter before her birthday but she wont budge on the sleep overs he travels almost 6 hours out of that day on trains and buses to pick her up and take her back then spend what little time that he has in between with her is so rushed as she wont allow sleepovers.

Eliz - posted on 08/09/2010

He has to go through the courts to establish his parental rights. I agree with Erin on going for custody and settling for court ordered visitation. That would at least give him rights that she can't deny him seeing his daughter.

Anna - posted on 08/08/2010

when my parents separated they remained friends and talked to eachother about everything concerning us. it was their partners who put a stop to their communicating. when i became the step parent it was alien to me too, you find yourself bending over backwards to please and always have the other party in the back of your mind when it comes to helping. it shows how nice a person you are. hows it going with your boyfriends rights, etc?

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2010

thanks its difficult to know what to do for him for the best i dont have these problems with my ex its all ammicable so this is very strange to me why anyone would want to put another person through this and make the child suffer through it .

Mandie - posted on 07/15/2010

Thanks Anna- I knew you'd be able to help xoxoxoxo

Anna - posted on 07/15/2010

hi amanda. im the "anna" mandie mentioned.

im going to be blunt because my situation is EXACTLY the same as yours,

your partner has jack shit rights to his daughter if she was born before 1st december 2003 or if his name isnt on the birth certificate. it means he doesnt have "parental responsibility."



he can obtain it 1 of 2 ways.

1. ask a solicitor to draw up the parental responsibility paperwork and both hubby and his ex sign it amicably. or

2. if shes being a !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? then get the paperwork from a solicitor and take her to court, it will cost you in the region of £275 (minus solicitors fees) and unless she has a f*****g good reason why he cant get parental responsibility its pretty much gauranteed!!!!



parental responsibility is like 50% "ownership" of the child.

if he has it then basically she cant sneeze without consulting your hubby when it concerns the child.

with regards to contact she cant stop him from seeing his daughter if he has parental responsibility.



contact your local citizens advice bureau and they will give you a list of solicitors who will give you a free half hours advice.

ask about "legal aid" and "parental responsibility"



legal aid- if you earn under a certain amount per month then you are entitled to help with legal costs.



i hope this info is helpful. any other questions please dont hesitate to ask, i HATE awkward BMs!



listen to tara too! my hubby went into court with times and dates of missed contact, visits, and what we did on EVERY single visit. he wouldnt have been able to prove she was lying to the court without it. its tedious i know, but pleeeeeeeease document everything, letters, txt, calls, EVERYTHING!!



let us know how you get on, x

Tara Lee - posted on 07/15/2010

Document everything...Keep the texts he gets...record/document conversations...if you do make arrangements to see SS, document what the arrangements are and if ex cancels, make sure you document that too(with her reasoning)...Document, Document, Document...sorry I just can't stress this enough...keep track of everything...Good Luck!

Mandie - posted on 07/15/2010

I'm so sorry Amanda- it's so heart-wrenching isnt it? My thoughts are with you and your partner on this one. I just assumed you were from the US so sorry about my 1st post. There's a girl on this forum called Anna that's from England and has been trhough all of this, she's regularly on here so no doubt she will see your post and have some helpful suggestions for you. Hang in there. xoxoxo

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2010

were from england so not sure how different the laws are here ... but thanks for the advise its fustrating seeing him going through so much pain every time the ex txts nasty texts. or waiting for a phone call from him daughter that he used to have every night that doesnt come...

Mandie - posted on 07/15/2010

Vanessa, I'm from Oz too and yr exactly right and if your relationship with your ex is reasonably cordial they are a great idea. But the problem arises when any party doesnt comply with the agreements set out in a parenting plan- they are not legally binding, meaning they are not enforceable (the way Custody Orders are). So parneting plans really only suit parents who are for the most part agreeable.

Vanessa - posted on 07/14/2010

In Australia the first step is mediation and the writing of a parenting plan (free) this can later on be lodged with the court as a binding order and needs the permission of both parents to be altered.
I'd suggest some form of mediation - suggest that since the parties involved are unable to reach an agreement and thus consistency for the child is an issue, steps should be taken to keep everyone happy.
I wouldn't involve the law yet.

Mandie - posted on 07/14/2010

Amanda it depends on where you are- as I understand it, the laws on custody etc are different from stae to state.

Erin - posted on 07/14/2010

If nothing was set up legally and his name is on the birth certificate then I would gather up all evidence of his continued relationship with his daughter and file for custody!! ASAP!! Document everything you can about the lack of contact and file. Worse case senerio he gets set visitation dates, best case he gets his daughter!!! Good luck!!