It DOES Get BETTER It's Not ALL BADPlease BELIEVE ME

Tootie - posted on 05/01/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Let me start by saying, I believe we have rights i believe we are the best women for the job and i do believe that it's not all bad and I KNOW that it Gets BETTER.
I've had total custody of my SD for 5yrs legally now. I've been in her life since she was 1 and now she is going on 13. She's my Heart. We have the normal, preteen, family issues that any home has with children but other than that, life is good. It was a LONG Journey but we NEVER GAVE UP. Years of fighting, crying and eventualy happieness. We've paid childsupport while SD was living with us, had the police called with the lie that we kidnaped her (SD), The police tried to kick my door in with the lie that we sold drugs, I even was told i couldn't answer my own house phone (i pay the phone bill) when she called because she said i was always starting with her and thats why we didn't get along. You name it WE (I) Went threw it. And in the end, all the Praying and crying and nights trying to figure out if this was what i truley wanted all paid off. The judge saw that WE were the better roll models for her. She went from a 1.0 to a 2.7 the first yr and was holding steady now as of the last school yr and this yr so far she has a 3.4. She's great. BM doesn't provide but she sees her,WE made the decision to let her see BM everyother weekend and if needed,we snatch it untill she acts right.
I'm just saying,things aren't always bad,eventualy in the end if you HAVE and KEEP the Faith,the Lord knows who is Pure at Heart and who has good intintions. I Hope You ladies hear what I'm saying and those of you just getting in that relationship and going threw Drama RIGHT NOW It gets better,Not over night but it DOES get Better.

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Tootie - posted on 05/06/2010

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I am so Very Happy for you! Thats the fire that you needed..This Time just mite be the time that the ball is in your court. I do believe in My Heart that IT WILL turn out in Your Fav. The Lord will be there w/you the entire time and you and your Husband will be in my Prayers EVERY Night untill you tell me that you have some Good News. I'm Glad you haven't given up, We (You) are the right person(s) for this Job. That lil Boy needs you Like You all need Him! I'm praying for you.If it's not to much to ask, can you keep me Posted?

Jenn - posted on 05/06/2010

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@ Tootie... After seeing pictures and video's of him again after 1 1/2 years of no contact, I found myself crying. My fiancee was allowed to see him for 2 hrs just the other day, an you can tell my SS was so happy. He grew so much, and after so long you tend to forget how much their laugh an smiles mean to you an touch your heart. I cried for about an hour... and then all I could think about was to march right down there to the court house and grab another round of custody papers. The fire in me was rekindled.. as well as with my fiancee. We are going at this again for him, because even after all the lies he was told, after all the time that went by that he was kept away from us he was still so happy to be with his father and I... So its time to fight again for him, I can't give up on him when he hasn't given up on us. ♥

Tootie - posted on 05/05/2010

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@ Jenn..it didn't happen over night for us either and i spend many nights crying and trying to figure out why the lord would give such a beautiful,wonderful child to such an evil person..It didn't change in the first few yrs. When we had my SD all those times, it was because BM was tired of her and didn't want her but when it benifited her thats when she would cause hell to get SD back. we went through this for about 7 to 8 yrs b4 it got better.We only just got custody about almost 5yrs ago...she's going on 13 so for a long time she was bouncing from hose to house, sleeping in abandoned cars and so on. Her Mom (BM) didn't have a place of her own and the judge still didn't care what we had to say but EVENTUALY it did work out. The Lord knows who is Pure @ Heart...Just don't give up because that kid needs you.

Tootie - posted on 05/05/2010

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@ Emily, it is a long,hard jorney but if you don't give up, it will all work out..Like i said, the lord knows who is Pure @ Heart. It ways to get around the money issue. Most counties have where you can do it all urself, it's just about getting the right paper work and NOT Giving up. It takes a lil longer when u have no lawyer but just DON'T GIVE UP..It'll work out for you. ou will be in my prayers.

Elinor - posted on 05/04/2010

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And I thought we had problems! Thank you for sharing your story. It's a tough job being a step mum and often you find yourself in the most awful and impossible situations. I think you're right that having faith definitely helps. I'm pleased for you that the judge was able to pick through it all and see the truth. Over in the UK the courts and social services aren't that supportive. They tend to be biased against the father and step mum, often thinking that any allegations that come from the 'child' are the absolute truth and that the BM couldn't possibly be alienating or unstable. It's made things very, very difficult for us at times!

Jenn - posted on 05/03/2010

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I wish I had as much....faith I guess that things get better.. My fiancee and I have been fighting for my SS for 5 years now and nothing we do seems to work. She hates me an my fiancee to no end and comes up with every thing she can think of to pull off to make sure we don't get to see my SS. We went through 2 years of supervised and once a week visits because she said some BS. Then another 8 months to get them back when she got mad an denied visits. Then after 7 months we got visitation back for the weekends an holidays an such. Then she got mad and took them away again till the court ordered it back. And the cycle continues except to make sure we don't get to see him she creates more and more an more lies and even has other people paying for her lawyer when we pinch an scrape for everything. No matter what we do.... the judge never takes us seriously when we try to prove our innocence of her false allegations. We even have proof after proof of her admitting to lying and using my SS as revenge but they never look at it. 4 years work of this kind of stuff and we just can not get anyone to listen. My fiancee gets to see his son for the first time in over a year tomorrow. I am "not allowed" because she says so even though court says I can. I changed that kids diapers, played with him fed him taught him all kinds of stuff and buys him what ever he needs and this is the treatment I get. So no I just don't have that much faith that things work out for the good just because you stick it out, the right thing is not always done. So I get to look at my SS through a picture, and after tomorrow who knows when the next time is we will see his face or when I can finally hug him again an tell him how much I love him and think of him everyday....

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I totally agree!!! thank you!! we are going back to court soon to get custody of our daughter... BM has not paid child support or seen our daughter since last June... she moved across the country in August and BM's mom and my fiancee have joint custody right now, but we are getting her soon :) and then we are stripping BM's rights and im going to adopt her when we get married... it is a long journey to peace but it all works out. God and our families have kept me and my fiancee strong and I cannot wait for it all to go our way. As of right now, BM will never be allowed to see our daughter because she was doing drugs while pregnant and around our daughter when she was a baby until she lost custody but if BM can get her act together when our daughter is a teenager, we may let her have some sort of relationship with her, but I have been threatened and harassed since the beginning so i don't know how it will be in the future but our daughter will be given the choice if she wants to...I'm very glad things worked out for you and that you are in your daughter's life :) I agree that we are the best people for this stepmom job and we don't get enough credit for everything we go through

Betty - posted on 05/02/2010

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I'm glad to hear it gets better. For now, I just try to enjoy the little things:)
Like just now, my 4 year old who I thought had been napping for the last hour or so, came up to me with an arm full of art work she made for me. I'm slightly annoyed that she didn't go to sleep but she was thinking about me the entire time and wanted to make me happy. Honestly, I don't care if it ever gets better than this because I love my little steppy so much!

Amy - posted on 05/01/2010

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Thank you so much for sharing that Tootie..You words made me feel so much better. I am pretty sure they made most of us on here feel better.

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Thanks for sharing. This is so encouraging! Sometimes we get caught up in our own crazy dramas, we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Emily - posted on 05/01/2010

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I am going through the same situation. My boyfriend has two daughters and I feel like we have a better home to raise them that the mother does. she does not clean, she does not cook, does not do their hairs, they do not have rules they do whatever they want i mean they are horrible when they are with the mother. but when they come with us, they eat healthy, they know to pick up after themselves, they are always looking beautiful, and they have rules and routines. We want to try and get full custody of them but it is alot of money and we do not have it right now. she is always saying she does not want the kids around me and i know she still loves my boyfriend and is trying to make things complicated to see if he will go back to her. He thinks i am a good mother and wants to get full custody of the girls. He thinks that i can be a better role model for the kids. I am responsible, grown, and put my family before anything. and to her she is still thinking about having fun and being with her boyfriend. She does not work or goes to school, she is supporting herself and her man with my mans child support money and with welfare. i just do not know what to do anymore!

Jessica - posted on 05/01/2010

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Im really happy for you and your family, and your sd for improving so much in such a little time!!! You give encouragement that every stepmother is needing!! Thank you!!

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