Sherri - posted on 03/02/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )
I feel like the last 5 years of my life has sucked all of who I used to be out of me. I used to be so full of joy and life and exuberance... I feel like that's gone. It's now been sucked out and replaced with anger, bitterness and resentment and I don't know how to get that happiness back. Most recently, it's like I'm numb. I don't know what is going on with me, but it's like I just don't care about anything and all I want to do is sleep. I feel so terrible admitting that I feel this way.
This seem to continue to go from bad to worse in my house. It's not even a home anymore. It's like a war zone. My 13 year old SS is so unbelievably disrespectful. I swears at his father and I, he steals ANYTHING he can get his hands on and the lies.... everything out of his mouth is a lie. Even the smallest, most insignificant things... On Sunday, BM was supposed to bring him home at 7pm. When he got home, we found out that his mother sent him to her boyfriends sisters house Saturday night and never went back for him. He came home at 6pm and was dropped off by the sister. So, needless to say, he walked through the door in a mood. Then BM was supposed to bring him school supplies that she bought for him on Monday and bailed. She said his sister was sick and that his mother couldn't bring it because her baby daddy was was in rehab. Of course, we found out last night that was not the case at all. WHY WOULD HE COME UP WITH THAT LIE???????
He has temper tantrums (even throwing my phone last night, screaming and kicking the crap out of my basement door). We've done the "temper taming" course, he's been in counselling for 2 years and I don't know what to do. I feel like a failure. I feel so hopeless. On one hand, I know consciously that I've tried to offer a stable, loving supportive home and I've done everything in my power that I can conjure up in my head to try to help this kid but he just keeps getting WORSE. On the other hand, I keep searching for answers and trying to figure out where I've gone wrong.
It's even to the point now that I'm so stressed out and miserable that sometimes for no reason at all, I snap at my husband. I'm always so frustrated. The only relief I get is when my SS is at BMs and from about noon on, I become increasingly full of anxiety and stressed out so that sometimes, I need to swallow an anti-anxiety pill. My concern is what I'm going to do when I become pregnant. Ugh......., I just don't know anything anymore.