Legal Help!!! Anybody been through this?

Angela - posted on 02/23/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My sd is 11. I met my husband when she was 6 months old. I have basically been one of her 'moms' her whole life!!! The bm and I have always had a great relationship, really great! Until this past year! Suddenly we get a call from bm saying sd will never see us again because we talk bad about her (bm) to her (the sd). Never ever have I done so, ever!!!!! She violated our court order, refusing our visitations. We filed a police report and had to have the sheriifs get her to us. Now we are going to court in week. Bm is trying to take all visitation away. She is saying that I am a criminal, that we abuse my sd and force her to care for our other baby alone. Basically she is telling really bad lies, on legal documents, the 'order to show cause'. We are requsting a court eveluator to help us too. But what about the lieing on legal documents? What can be done about that? Can I sue her for slander and emotional stress on our family?

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Angela - posted on 03/02/2010

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Thanks again everybody. I will post an update on Thursday, after our court hearing.

Megan - posted on 03/01/2010

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I fully agree with everyone else that there must be proof. I would be very interested to hear what you thought of the custody evaluation procedures and outcome if you care to post that in the future.

I wish you the best and hope you can find some serenity in the madness.

Jenn - posted on 03/01/2010

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she has to be able to prove her allegations, an that can be hard to do but on the other hand if she has full custody an her father only has visitation it can get ugly. That is what happened with my SS's BM. She would do the same thing, write anything she could think of to stop visitation with his father and I. Nothing but lies. She had full custody of my SS because the judge said that he couldn't give joint because we lived to far away from each other. (thats crap IK).And time after time when my SS's BM would get angry at us she would write up another petition with lies an stopped bringing him to our ordered visitation just out of spite. But anyways she has to be able to prove what she is saying. Prove you are a criminal by some sort of police record, an have documented proof of abuse an maybe even CPS reports an such. I doubt she has anything like that so just go in there calmly and state the truth. Because your SD is 11, the judge may ask to speak to her, or the law guardian will deff want to speak to her. So that right there will either hurt or win it for you. If the BM has started to coach your SD on what to say....well we will just hope for the best for you guys. Bring in your own proof (if you have any) that will negate her allegations against you.

Kristy - posted on 02/28/2010

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keep a diary of past bad events that has emotionally affected your sd etc from her bm. it will help. jealousy prob hit because you have had a baby or relationship has gone down hill and yours hasn't. this is a hard prob. but all will work out. you mite be best to have your sd evaluated by a shrink for legal proof in court. it is hard when there is bm being the reason for most probs. fight it out and stand by your hubby because you both know the truth. can't accuse you of something they can't prove.

Lynne - posted on 02/27/2010

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it sounds like the problem is more with the sd feeling jilted, jealous, and replaced than problems with the bm and of course the sd will tell bm ANYTHING necessary to get attention ...good or bad... and they dont even realize the repercussions...get her into family counseling asap..... or at school there may be counseling or a group for divorced kids... ours has one called bananna splits to help kids cope with all aspects of divorce and remarraige......good luck

[deleted account]

I'm from Australia so i dont know if this would be the same in the US but I imagine it would be- it's actually an act of fraud to falsify court documents- you need to get proof that she is lying so I would do something like get your local Police to give you a Criminal check ( like you do for visa applications) to prove you have no criminal history, get character references from any prominent people you know in yr comminity and from yr boss if you work outside the home, You can sue but honestly it will cost you more than it's worth mentally and financially so I wouldn't waste yr energy- just quietly and logically prove her lies in court.

Rachael - posted on 02/25/2010

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We have had that happen to us but when we got to court she couldnt prove n e thing and you have to prove what your saying or doing to the judge or it gets thrown out but that dosent mean the damage it causes wont come back to bite her the children arent stupid and one day they will make there own decisions on what the situation is and they will resent wrong doing by either party

Angela - posted on 02/24/2010

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Thank you so much for all the advice! We just retained a new attorney today and he will be requesting a custody evaluation for both parties. This way, a proffessional will be able to determine the facts and hopefully see our home is "home sweet home" and those allegations are false. Thanks again!

Casey - posted on 02/24/2010

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In custody court, it all has to be proven or admitted. Otherwise, its all just hear say. If If there isnt police reports that your neglectful, than your not. Get a good lawyer. She may actually get in trouble for stopping the visits. Our order says we can not stop her visits, that we must file and come back to court. So she actually might be in contempted.

Petra - posted on 02/24/2010

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There may be a statute for slander, but you'd really have to talk to a lawyer about having cause to sue - which may be more money and trouble than it is worth. However, her lying, if you can prove it to be untrue, will work to your advantage in Court. Provided you and your partner have all of your paperwork properly completed and have documented everything necessary, you will be able to retain all of your visitation and possibly increase it. You may have to jump through some legal hoops, but as long as everything you've done is legit, you don't need to worry. She would have to have some pretty hard-core evidence for the Courts to strip you of your visitation as this would most definitely be detrimental to your SD - especially since it appears that your previous Court Order had remained in place, successfully, for such a long period of time. Further, if this is her first complaint about your SD being in your care, no Court will simply remove her unless there has been some sort of history of concern about your ability to care for her. Make a good impression on the Judge, remain calm, and make sure you guys go above & beyond with respect to completion of your Court papers - the Judge will definitely take that into consideration. My best advice is to let her make a fool of herself with the unfounded accusations - it will work against her and possibly cost her custody.

Rebecca - posted on 02/23/2010

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I cant say anything to help much but just to have a good lawyer and keep calm, we write everything down that goes on and the date it happens, all we can do is hope that the truth being the (real truth) comes out! in our case it did! Goodluck

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