Melinda - posted on 12/17/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )
Yesterday my SD's mom called and asked if we would give her up this evening so that she could go to a Christmas program at a family friend's elementary school at 7PM. As it is her last full night with us (she goes back to her mom's tomorrow) and my husband will be working late tomorrow, we decided not to let her mom take her. We also thought it was a little suspect that an elementary school would be holding an event for kids at 7PM when SD's school won't even let you schedule a conference after 6:00 in order to get the kids home and in bed for the next school day.
Anyway, our "No" should have been good enough, but BM had my teenage SS (who lives with her full time) call my husband from his phone and say he wanted to talk to his sister. My husband asked him, "Do you mean your mom wants to talk to your sister?" He said yes and my husband informed him that he wasn't home from work yet, and SD happened to be baking Christmas cookies at the neighbor's house tonight. (All true, I might add.)
Then SS called my phone to ask me if his sister was home. I said no. But had she been home, I am downright positive that BM would have told her all about the fun night they were going to have and asked her to beg Daddy to go.
She has done it before. One Christmas Eve (a day when we only get SD for 12 hours) she actually told SD that she wouldn't be allowed any presents from the family Christmas party unless she showed up for the family Christmas party. When we told her we had plans as a family to go see a special screening of a movie that opened that day, the poor little girl burst into tears saying she wasn't going to get any presents from her grandma and grandpa because of us. When we explained to her that she "misunderstood" her mom, she calmed right down and happily enjoyed the movie without even missing the fact that she wasn't at the holiday party for family she sees once a month.
It has been done a million times over, and I know there isn't any changing the woman's behavior. I just cannot get over the shock and disgust every time it happens. I don't know why it shocks me that she deliberately hurts her children to make us look bad, or forces her children to lie for her because she has been doing it for years. I wish that the children didn't have to figure out this behavior on their own. It sucks that she badmouths us and makes us out to be the bad guys, and we do nothing to retaliate and SD sides with her, and SS chooses to live with her over us. It's very hurtful.
We know it is the right path in the long run, and eventually the kids will see all of us for who we truly are, but it is so hard to be the good guy and get no reward, while watching the bad guy seemingly get everything.