Mediation Stories...

Larissa - posted on 04/23/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Ok, so any one following my story knows we didn't win our custody battle (even after copious amounts of evidence that the kids were not cared for properly and there was drug abuse in the house not to mention BM smoking in front of my asthmatic SDs) BUT we have to move on, we can't dwell on the past. I'm not saying moving on like forgetting about it, HA! BM wishes! But we are moving on and trying to venture into new ways to get the kids. My husband and I are thinking about going for mediation. Now that BM is getting divorced (of course waited to file until day after judge said she won) and has a restraining order on her soon to be ex, she is soon going to see how it is to take care of the kids without the additional income (and free babysitter). She is living with her growing-more-physically-handicapped-by-the-day ex step dad (yes, I said ex step dad.... who by the way is maybe months away from losing his house.) and working at mcdonalds. DH and I have talked and even though we would love to take SDs away from BM forever, that's not the right thing to do. They still love their mother, and we want them to be happy. However, BM openly admitted in court she does not make them go to school, in fact, she stated the reason they missed so many days was because they didn't want to go. (They give her a hard time getting out of bed... when they lived with us I told them twice to get out of bed and by the third time I would pick them up out of bed and stand them up... this only happened maybe a week before they gave us no more trouble). BM knows they are not a problem for us, even though they give her such a hard time. ANYWAY, we came up with a calender which basically consists of us having them for the school week, and her having them the 1st 3 weekends of every month, and almost all of summer break, all of spring break, and visits during the week anytime she wants to come up to see them. We are going to keep it as joint custody, because she freaks out if you even mention changing custody, and let her continue to collect child support. Child support and the title of having custody are the only 2 things she cares about.... so ya know what, if it means making sure SDs are taken care of, then we will do it. We want to talk to her about this before hand, and see if she will agree to it before going into mediation. If she does, where do we go from there? We want it signed by a judge so no one can change their minds a month down the road. We want to keep this as cheap as possible. If she does NOT agree to anything, should we still go to mediation anyway??? Please feel free to give advise, and share your story. I'm completely clueless when it comes to this. :) Thanks!

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6 Comments

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Amy - posted on 05/09/2012

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there is one option file a complaint with CPS and have them go to the school to talk with the kids about what is going on at home with BM and step-dad. granted I know this is not something that is easy to do. also contact the school that they go to (counselor) give them a heads up and see if there is anything that they can help with. maybe write a letter to the judge about the change with BM. he could feel lied to or miss lead by her action after him/her judgement.

we have about the same situation come up here too. BM's boyfriend of 5 yrs has been mean to my SS for about 6mos to last year. BF has told SS that it won't happen again well it did and BM mom is done she has been open with us thank god. BF will hopefully be out of the house this weekend for GOOD. hubby and I have talked about if BF doesn't leave we will ask for SS for the summer and go from there. She did get a slap in the face when we went to court the one and only time her lawyer told her that if we wanted to we could ask for custody and get it. she agreed to everything we asked for after that, and has been will to compromise with everything. she is the ex-wife but I can also call her my friend too. hope I have helped in some way

Larissa - posted on 05/08/2012

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It's not about a money limit, it's about the fact that we're struggling to pay out lawyer right now for services rendered, he wouldn't represent us until we have him paid in full for work he's already done.... and thats going to take awhile. AND GUESS WHAT!!! She's back with her ex, and the kids say he's still mean, and still acts different when mommy isnt there. ugh.

Amy - posted on 05/07/2012

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try appealing the the judge's orders there should be no limit on money when it comes to making sure the kids a cared fore. good luck

Larissa - posted on 04/24/2012

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No, that was helpful, Penny! She is really dumb (And I'm not just trying to be mean) but she needs things laid out in front of her and explained slowly, so email wouldnt work. We would have to sit down and talk to her face to face. We plan on doing so in a month or two after she realizes that she's losing everything and needs help. Hopefully then she will accept the help. :D

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I'm not sure what the laws are where you live. For us we had to try mediation before going to the judge. Of course mediation was pointless because BM wouldn't give us anything and never will unless the judge rules it. How do you guys communicate? If via email then send her a friendly email with what you've proposed. Ask that she respond within a week or something like that. Once she responds in writing you can take that before a judge and get it official in your order. That's what we did because BM refuses to communicate unless via email. If you take the mediation route I'm not sure the steps. I believe the mediator would then do a write up to the judge on what you guys agreed on and he'd sign off on it, making it official. Sorry I'm not much help.

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